Could This Be a Reason Women Lack Confidence? by @toninelsonbiz

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by Toni Nelson | Featured Contributor 

I have met many women in my lifetime who were so talented and yet they lacked the confidence to start a business.

One of my friends makes amazing jewelry. As a matter of fact, I have a pin from my grandmother. I showed it to her and asked if she could work on it so I could make a necklace.  What she came back with was a beautiful necklace complete with matching earrings.! It is absolutely gorgeous!

I’ve encouraged her many times to start her own business because I know her pieces would sell. The problem? She lacks confidence.   No matter what people say or do to encourage her, she won’t start a business.

The other day I was watching a movie with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. They are two of my all time favorite actors.

In the movie Fred was a psychiatrist and his friend was going to bring in his ex-fiancé. He wanted to know why she broke off the engagement. What was it that made her have commitment issues?

Before Ginger arrived Fred made a recording that said something like: “Women have such problems. Maybe it’s that they need to be spanked every once in a while.” I couldn’t believe my ears. I asked my husband if he heard what I heard and he said yes. He couldn’t believe it either.

Could this be a reason women lack confidence? Are movies like this subliminally giving us the message we can’t make decisions? What about women who grew up during that era? What about the young women that might be watching them on the TCM channel?

Maybe this was a fluke I told myself. Then I saw an old episode of I Love Lucy. Obviously Lucy had gotten herself into some trouble with Ricky. Do you know what he did? He spanked her!

Scenes like that wouldn’t be tolerated today.

That brings up two very important questions.

How can women combat these and other negative messages?

How can you gain more self-esteem?

First you need to understand what self-esteem is. It simply means understanding your own strengths as well as faults and being able to move through life with that knowledge. Focusing too much on your faults only lowers your value so please don’t do that.

Let’s take action to build self-esteem by looking at these 11 steps.

Step 1: Take a self –esteem inventory. Take 15 minutes and write down (or use your iPad or phone) everything you know how to do. It doesn’t matter how insignificant you think it is. Write it down. Maybe you are really good at coming up with ideas or you are a great storyteller. Whatever you can do, write it down.

Step 2: Journal your daily accomplishments. Take at least 5 minutes at the end of everyday to write down what you accomplished. It doesn’t matter whether it was 1 or 10 things. Write it down. Celebrate that accomplishment.

Step 3: Plan your tomorrow tonight. You will find that by planning in advance you have more direction which in turn helps you get more done. Plan your work tasks as well as personal tasks. If you don’t finish them move the task to the next day’s list.

Step 4: This is super important. Do not compare yourself to other people. You are unique. The only thing that matters is the improvements you make in your own life.

Step 5: Make sure the people you surround yourself with are uplifting and supportive. These people can help build you up, not tear you down.

Step 6: There’s a bible verse that says there is more happiness in giving than in receiving. One of the greatest gifts you can give to another person is to show them how to do something.

Step 7: Expect the best. Set yourself up for success by expecting the best result. All too often we start thinking, “this will never work” instead of thinking, “I’m going to find a way to make this work”.

Step 8: Indentify your unique qualities and understand that these are the tools that lead you to success.

Step 9: Turn negatives into positives. You know why many people don’t do this? It’s because they don’t take the time to step back and find a way to work through the challenge.

Step 10: Give yourself a time out. Spend three minutes either in the morning or at the end of your day in complete stillness. This is your time to relax. During this timeout you are going to remove any judgments from your mind including self-judgments.

Step 11: Read about the many accomplishments other women have had. If they can do it so can you. Reading about their challenges can help your realize that obstacles in the road are just “detours” that you need to navigate in order to get to your final destination.

These are just 11 steps you can take today to be more confident and build your self-esteem.

I’ve put together 100 tips to help build your self esteem.

Download your free copy:

Toni Nelson_Self Esteem


Be Savvy and Successful!

Toni Nelson

Nelson-Photographers-Profile-Pic- 4x4_APP_5764 I’m Toni Nelson. My first business was started almost 30 years ago out of a desire to be home more for my daughter. Since that time I’ve helped others start and grow their business. Seeking to empower women I wrote my first book: Sexy, Savvy and Successful! – A Woman’s Guide On How To Start A Business, Gain Financial Freedom and Buy More Shoes! After reading my book people kept asking me what they needed to do next. How could they get training? That’s when I became the Founder of The Mine System Of Learning. I wanted to produce courses to help people gain or sharpen their skills so they could claim ownership of their business and say, “Yes! It’s MINE”!

My second book: The Secret Equation To Attracting More Clients – Marketing + P Factor + Video = $$$$ helps businesses find out what makes them different so they can stand out from the competition and attract more clients.

As an Award winning Videographer and Photographer I’ve been published in such places as DIY Bride, Kiss My Tule and the Florida Wedding Atlas. My video expertise has been featured on The American Express Open Forum.

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5 Replies to “Could This Be a Reason Women Lack Confidence? by @toninelsonbiz”

  1. Toni Nelson

    Thank you for leaving your thoughts Irish:) It’s really important that women become empowered to make the changes necessary in their lives so they can be or do anything they want.

  2. Irish Carter

    Very very inspiring article and great tips on building and keeping a persons self esteem. Loved the part of writing down what you can do instead of saying write your strengths down. My reason for that is so many people get stuck and hold themselves back when they hear the word strength because of their own sense of self-critiqueing themselves. Awesome article.


    1. Melissa Stewart

      Thanks Irish! Self-critiqueing is a constant struggle. Toni’s post made me think and it also made me remember a lot of similar films I’ve watched in the past. We’ve come a long way and a “what can you do” attitude will keep moving us forward!

  3. Toni Nelson[ Post Author ]

    I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. We do need to boost our confidence and believe in ourselves. That’s one of the reasons I put together the 100 Tips for self esteem. Reading a few of these first thing in the morning can set the proper tone for the day.

  4. WPamplify

    What an excellent and inspiring article! I have noticed none of my friends, despite their talents, have embarked on their own independent business endeavors. I do think it is linked to self-confidence – we need to boost ourselves and believe in our capabilities.

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