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Empowering Women Going through Relationship Challenges: The Untold Stories of Divorce Coaching by Lilly Parks of @naked_recovery

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by Lilly Parks

The good news is that the divorce rates in the US have started dropping since 1990, and have followed a downward trend since then. And thanks to millennials who are doing things differently, the rates will likely continue to decline. This is according to a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, Philip Cohen, in his analysis of the American Community Survey (ACS) data.

Still, the divorce coaching industry is thriving, but not for reasons that you’d normally associate with it.

Divorce coaches make a living out of helping people, cope with the breakdown of a relationship. They also empower these men and women to become better. This makes divorce coaching a rewarding business, what with a bigger cause behind it. But the real reason that lawyers work with divorce coaches is that they’re the ones who take care of the non-legal work that lawyers and their legal staff generally don’t do.

It’s easy to associate divorce coaching as something similar to therapy, which is not exactly far off. But these independent third parties provide more than just encouragement, guidance, and motivation. Their work also covers pre-divorce, during a divorce, and after divorce.

The roles divorce coaches play

Before a divorce
● Assess a marriage to identify if there’s still hope to work on the marriage or if a separation or divorce is the only solution
● Assess the counseling needs of parents and children
● If the decision to get a divorce is final, prepare clients for the upcoming journey
During a divorce
● Help clients work through their financial and personal needs
● Encourage sound decision-making by providing clear information about the divorce proceedings to clarify thoughts and concerns
● Help a client build a personal support system

After a divorce
● Help set goals for the future
● Share the positives of divorce based on their own experiences since some divorce coaches have gone through divorce themselves

How divorce coaching helps and empowers women

● Hand-holding

While your friends and family can provide support, relying on them comes with its own emotional baggage. Family members could be pushing you to take your ex to the cleaners or suggest many ways that you can hurt the other party.
As an independent third party, a divorce coach can create a non-judgmental, patient, safe, and supportive environment for you to get down to what really matters without pressure. Emotions are also excluded.

● Overcome separation

And the emotional turmoil that comes with it.

Grieving the loss of a relationship is one of the many things that women go through following a breakup or divorce. A divorce coach will help you deal with the loss and then help you build your support system.

One of the first things they look into is the immense confusion you are experiencing and then help address your overwhelming emotions and fears.

Part of their job is to discuss major concerns, such as:
● How can you manage financially?
● What will happen to your children?
● How do you break the bad news to your children?
● How do you deal with co-parenting?

With a seasoned divorce coach, you will be able to navigate through the financial, legal, and practical challenges of divorce.

● Grow and learn

There are lessons to be learned following a divorce. But unless someone is guiding you to the right path, you may not see those important lessons. You could get stuck in the grief stage, never to move on from there. You could choose to use alcohol, drugs, and food to cope with the fallout rather than take good care of yourself.

The right divorce coach can help you appreciate the good side of such a horrific experience.
It is possible that you chose the wrong partner. You made mistakes that contributed to the breakdown of a relationship. By identifying what went wrong, you’ll know better next time.

● Help reboot and create a new life

After a divorce, the focus of coaches is to help a client establish a vision and goals for the future, both for the short-term and long-term.

This is how divorce coaching empowers women, especially women who experienced self-discovery and happiness following a relationship breakdown.

Short-term goals may include going on a divorce retreat to learn about mindfulness and meditation. Many women who went on a retreat post-separation came home with a new perspective. They got to know who they really are, which is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Another goal is to travel a lot, which some women say has helped them re-evaluate their values in life.

A good example of a long-term goal is to live a healthy lifestyle. A study that appeared in the Journal of Women’s Health showed that 80,000 women became healthier after a divorce.

A divorce coach can help you set similar goals for yourself.

If you want to take back your power, you will find a guide and supporter in them.

Once you’ve rediscovered yourself, you can start building a new life, a new career, and a new you.

—————————————————————————————–

Lilly Parks is a Divorce Angel and part of the dynamic Naked Divorce team. She is committed to helping her clients find the path towards healing and has been providing assistance to those who are going through the difficult trauma of divorce for more than 5 years.

 

Becoming a Holistic Entrepreneur in Four Easy Steps by Dez Stephens of @RadiantCoaches

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by Dez Stephens

Most entrepreneurs hope to make money outside of someone else’s control, someone else’s payroll. They might have left the corporate world for something more meaningful. They might be searching for something special to fulfill their career dreams.

Entrepreneurs commonly focus on one thing, and it’s typically money. They continually strive to replace a full-time income with a self-earned paycheck. This focus can lend itself to financial tension and create a lot of unwelcomed stress.

Other entrepreneurs focus on the hustle. Either way, this one-sided targeting can get them in trouble because it’s just that – one-sided. This can lead to major imbalances in their professional careers and even their personal lives.

Supreme Self-Care
Taking care of oneself as an entrepreneur is vital to success. Without it, the whole system collapses. This might entail taking a walk and getting some fresh air when a break is needed, or even getting a weekly massage or acupuncture treatment.

Walk the Talk
It’s vital as a holistic entrepreneur to live the way that we would recommend to others. If we don’t take great – not just good – care of ourselves, we are not leading by example.

Caring is Daring
When we focus on self-care as a daily regimen instead of a once-in-a-while activity, we are purposefully nurturing the most important thing in our business – ourselves!

Pampering is Powerful
Sometimes we downplay the benefits of a great massage or getting some fresh air on a nice walk. Turns out that these simply practices are powerful when it comes to how much they can impact the quality of a workday.

 

Many entrepreneurs work from home and it’s easy to get isolated emotionally and mentally. Taking care of these needs is so important for overall health and well-being.

The Holistic Rule of 10
An easy way to make sure that entrepreneurs care for themselves is to implement simple self-care activities. These include getting proper rest, hydration and movement each day.

10 Hours of Sleep Daily
Humans are well-designed to sleep for 10 hours each night, but very few do so. Sleeping in a cool dark room is ideal, and a great night’s sleep does wonders for having the energy needed to get through a workday.

10 Glasses of Water Daily
Staying hydrated helps the mind stay clear and the body look great stay strong. It doesn’t matter how big the glasses are – just get them down.

10 Minutes of Movement Daily
Movement can include ten minutes of stretching or jogging in place or a walk around the block. Better yet – high energy for 2 minutes, then low energy for 1 minutes – repeat 3 times.

Each of these practices have a “10” in them so they’re easy to remember. Ten hours of sleep, ten glasses of water and ten minutes of movement. These can easily be scheduled into everyday life.

 

As many entrepreneurs know too well, working for yourself is the hardest work they’ll ever do, so it’s important to optimize physical, emotionally, mentally and spiritual health.

Life Purpose
Many entrepreneurs find meaning in their work. They are driven by their passions and are inspired by their dreams. The ones who succeed are likely to be the ones who take a holistic approach to life and the work they love.

Find Some Purpose
Holistic entrepreneurship is about finding a purpose in what you do. We don’t need to be grandiose about it. Sometimes it’s as simple as finding meaning in the everyday small tasks.

Purpose vs. Presence
We don’t have to “go to the mountaintop” to find a purpose. All we need to do is to get quiet and clear. Being present is something so basic yet, for some, something so elusive. When we get present, we can much more easily sense purpose.

Personal is Professional
As entrepreneurs, we kid ourselves that we have a personal life and separately a professional life. These two worlds are constantly intermingling so it’s imperative that we seek our purpose in both. Gratitude for both helps.

This means treating a life as a whole – not in separate parts like recreational time, community connections, physical wellness, emotional stability, spiritual groundedness and mental clarity.

Instead of being “all in” professionally with a neglected personal life, entrepreneurs can find a beautiful balance between their work and their time away from work.

Life as a Whole
Entrepreneurs who pay attention to both their personal and professional needs tend to thrive as self-made business owners. When someone puts too much effort into their career without nurturing their relationships or caring for their bodies, they quickly become unproductive.

Holistic Means All Parts
Living your life and running your business “holistically” means that you are paying close attention to all the moving parts. Your business is a living-breathing entity that is always responding to the ways in which you treat it – so is your personal life.

Notice What You’re Noticing
Take a moment to observe what you’re observing. Notice the bodily sensations. Notice your breath. Notice your thoughts. Notice your feelings. Notice any resistance – any comfort or discomfort. This awareness will help you pay attention to the things that need attention.

Whole and Hole
When we get intentional about all the parts of our business and life, we might find some missing parts. Maybe you realize that you’ve neglected your physical health or your friendships. Maybe you notice you’ve let go of some favorite hobbies. The awareness this brings is the first step in creating the holistic balance you naturally crave.

The whole purpose of entrepreneurship is to succeed financially and otherwise without having to rely on others. This is also true in all areas, not just financial.

 

When entrepreneurs implement simple healthy practices, they are much more likely to make it through the hard times that are inevitable with the harsh-yet-fun reality of working for themselves.

 

————————————————————————–

Dez Stephens is the Founder & CEO of Radiant Health Institute, a social enterprise and prominent international coach training school that certifies individuals to create vibrant, professional, private practices as holistic life coaches, wellness coaches and business coaches. She is a certified life coach, master trainer and marketing strategist. Dez is also co-executive producer of the documentary film, “End of the Line: The Women of Standing Rock” highlighting Native women fighting to keep clean water on their Native lands in North Dakota and beyond.

How divorce coaching empowers women following a relationship breakdown by Lilly Parks of @naked_recovery

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by Lilly Parks

The good news is that the divorce rates in the US have started dropping since 1990, and have followed a downward trend since then. And thanks to millennials who are doing things differently, the rates will likely continue to decline. This is according to a sociology professor at the University of Maryland, Philip Cohen, in his analysis of the American Community Survey (ACS) data.

Still, the divorce coaching industry is thriving, but not for reasons that you’d normally associate with it.

Divorce coaches make a living out of helping people, cope with the breakdown of a relationship. They also empower these men and women to become better. This makes divorce coaching a rewarding business, what with a bigger cause behind it. But the real reason that lawyers work with divorce coaches is that they’re the ones who take care of the non-legal work that lawyers and their legal staff generally don’t do.

It’s easy to associate divorce coaching as something similar to therapy, which is not exactly far off. But these independent third parties provide more than just encouragement, guidance, and motivation. Their work also covers pre-divorce, during a divorce, and after divorce.

The roles divorce coaches play

Before a divorce

  • Assess a marriage to identify if there’s still hope to work on the marriage or if a separation or divorce is the only solution
  • Assess the counseling needs of parents and children
  • If the decision to get a divorce is final, prepare clients for the upcoming journey

During a divorce

  • Help clients work through their financial and personal needs
  • Encourage sound decision-making by providing clear information about the divorce proceedings to clarify thoughts and concerns
  • Help a client build a personal support system

After a divorce

  • Help set goals for the future
  • Share the positives of divorce based on their own experiences since some divorce coaches have gone through divorce themselves

How divorce coaching helps and empowers women

  • Hand-holding

While your friends and family can provide support, relying on them comes with its own emotional baggage. Family members could be pushing you to take your ex to the cleaners or suggest many ways that you can hurt the other party.

As an independent third party, a divorce coach can create a non-judgmental, patient, safe, and supportive environment for you to get down to what really matters without pressure. Emotions are also excluded.

  • Overcome separation

And the emotional turmoil that comes with it.

Grieving the loss of a relationship is one of the many things that women go through following a breakup or divorce. A divorce coach will help you deal with the loss and then help you build your support system.

One of the first things they look into is the immense confusion you are experiencing and then help address your overwhelming emotions and fears.

Part of their job is to discuss major concerns, such as:

  • How can you manage financially?
  • What will happen to your children?
  • How do you break the bad news to your children?
  • How do you deal with co-parenting?

With a seasoned divorce coach, you will be able to navigate through the financial, legal, and practical challenges of divorce.

  • Grow and learn

There are lessons to be learned following a divorce. But unless someone is guiding you to the right path, you may not see those important lessons. You could get stuck in the grief stage, never to move on from there. You could choose to use alcohol, drugs, and food to cope with the fallout rather than take good care of yourself.

The right divorce coach can help you appreciate the good side of such a horrific experience.

It is possible that you chose the wrong partner. You made mistakes that contributed to the breakdown of a relationship. By identifying what went wrong, you’ll know better next time.

  • Help reboot and create a new life

After a divorce, the focus of coaches is to help a client establish a vision and goals for the future, both for the short-term and long-term.

This is how divorce coaching empowers women, especially women who experienced self-discovery and happiness following a relationship breakdown.

Short-term goals may include going on a divorce retreat to learn about mindfulness and meditation. Many women who went on a retreat post-separation came home with a new perspective. They got to know who they really are, which is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Another goal is to travel a lot, which some women say has helped them re-evaluate their values in life.

A good example of a long-term goal is to live a healthy lifestyle. A study that appeared in the Journal of Women’s Health showed that 80,000 women became healthier after a divorce.

A divorce coach can help you set similar goals for yourself.

If you want to take back your power, you will find a guide and supporter in them.

Once you’ve rediscovered yourself, you can start building a new life, a new career, and a new you.

 

—————————————————————————————–

Lilly Parks is a Divorce Angel and part of the dynamic Naked Divorce team. She is committed to helping her clients find the path towards healing and has been providing assistance to those who are going through the difficult trauma of divorce for more than 5 years.

6 Science-Backed Activities For Leaders To Become More Zen In Life by @AngeKYoumatter

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

Whether it’s mothers trying to separate teens from their screens to the busy executive going from conference calls to meditation, the evolution of technology impacts all facets of life. The digital world is permeating the fabric of life and its time to redefine the future of living.

As of December 2018, there are over 2.32 billion monthly active users worldwide on Facebook. There were 1.15 billion mobile daily active users. The average time spent per Facebook visit is 20 minutes and every 60 seconds, 510,000 comments are posted.

The average American spends 24 hours a week online. E-marketer trends forecasted that US adults would spend an average of 3 hours, 35 minutes per day on mobile devices in 2018 and by 2019 mobile will surpass TV as the medium attracting the most minutes in the US.

Smartphones and apps have changed the way we work, communicate and play. Technology is a double-edged sword. It brings people together, makes it easier for people to collaborate however the negative impact can be soul-destroying. People’s physical health is being compromised due to poor eating habits, working more late hours, exercising less through to posture issues, headaches, and the quality and quantity of sleep and emotional wellbeing being impacted.

It’s time to take back your overrun attention and life. Let’s dive into 6 actionable activities that support you to get your focus back, live more consciously and build a more mindful life.

Work Smart Rule

The Pareto principle, 80/20 rule is well known for 20% of your work is going to account for 80% of your results. If you apply this universal truth to business and life, you invest 20% of the time on the tasks that yield 80% of the results. Leveraging the principle involves in asking quality questions to decipher what you are investing your time in:

  • What have l done that has moved me closer to my vision?
  • What have l invested my time in that has had a negative or no impact on moving me towards my vision?
  • What would be the steps that l would need to take to move one step closer to my vision?
  • What would be the first thing l would implement to bring me closer?

By being specific, you will determine the very step you need to execute daily to become the most productive version of you. By organizing your daily tasks, you prioritize the key bite-sized chunks, you focus on the tasks with the highest payoffs and you tackle your top 20% of tasks first.  When you execute those tasks, your brain release dopamine, the feel-good hormone. By cultivating small achievements, you propel yourself to greater success.

Zen Time

The practice of mindfulness and meditation has been around for thousands of years. In more recent times, the business world has embraced these practices because research supports how these practices can change the wiring and makeup of your brain. Companies such as Google, Salesforce,  and Toyota have understood the personal benefits of mindfulness to support business objectives.

Training the mind to focus is becoming more critical than ever as your attention is being pulled in 1000 different directions at once. Learning the basics of mindfulness and meditation through courses, books, apps, and YouTube videos is readily available. Commitment to a daily practice, starting with dedicated time in your day to learning to be present. This can be a sitting meditation using an app such as Headspace or practice being in the moment when going for a walk.

The Art of Now

Being in the moment can be a reminder for you to be more mindful of wherever you happen to be. When emotions, thoughts or desires arise, you notice them, be kind to them and allow them to be just as they are. When you embrace the moment with an open mind, you merely observe without judgment. By being in the moment, research supports that by fine-tuning your ability to be present, you decrease your stress responses and increase your positive emotions. When you make room for the full range of your human experience, you will live with more inner peace.

Self-inquiry

Another way is to focus on the inner orchestra of your body by scanning from head to toe. Notice which part of the body you connect with and notice what you feel. Another way is to focus on one part of your body and notice the physical sensations you can feel. When you focus on bodily sensation you release tension that perhaps you were not aware of before. When you bring attention to areas of discomfort within the body you decrease symptoms of stress and improve psychological well-being.

Purposeful Action

Multi-tasking is a mere illusion and addictive. Your brain convinces you that it loves to multitask when in fact training your mind to focus on one thing at a time allows you to produce more meaningful results. When you commit to your actions being purposeful and deliberate, you slow everything down. You shut down your mental autopilot to allow the logical part of your brain steps into the driver’s seat.

Act of Nature

In our modern work, distraction is running rife. Being able to disconnect and go into nature, whether it be a walk, hike or just sitting, you re-sensitize yourself to the life and beauty around you.  Environmental Health and Preventative Medicine published a study that found participants that walked in a forest had lower blood pressure and levels of cortisol (referred to as the stress hormone) afterward than those who strolled through a city environment.

Shinrin-Yoku or “forest bathing” was developed in Japan during the 1980’s, designed to combat stress from overwork. Today, it has become a cornerstone of preventive health care and healing in Japanese medicine. By simply being in nature, connecting through your senses of sight, hearing, tastes, smell and touch. By opening your senses, it bridges the gap between you and nature.

Your repeated experiences will shape your thinking and the way you live your life. What your practice, grows stronger.

CoWorking is Cutting Edge ( and Cool! A Primer. ) by @SBSLEducSoltns

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Coworking is a remarkable concept that will enable many additional citizens to pursue their callings in entrepreneurship without the pratfalls of the prior 2 eras, the blue & white collar industrial ages.

 

No longer will the price tag, complexity, or fear of having to sign a multi-year lease, or rent to (eventually) own agreement be a stumbling block to the dream to be in control of your income stream(s); you’re now sharing costs & concurrently joining an entrepreneurial tribe.

 

What is coworking?!

 

This is a superb definition

 

Think it over: We’ve really only had this option for little more than a decade. Running parallel to the astonishing rise of social media & the proliferation of smart devices, co-working grew from humble beginnings.

 

At this point, choosing to become a member of an existing co working space, whether it’s new, or well established, tags you as a late ‘early adopter’ or at the onset of the ‘early majority’ class(es) of business owner/professional.

 

Intrigued to know more?  Please click here.

 

Options for your business’ physical presence

 

All things being equal, there are 4 choices:

 

  • Work from home.  The flexibility of merging personal & professional lives under 1 roof always has appeal. Yet, if you’re a mom-preneur, have other neighborly commitments, or are easily distracted by the mass media, you might want to ask the hard question: will you be productive, or will you be ‘’busy’ ?

 

  • The ‘coffee shop’ = office.  Whether its an independent cafe, Starbucks, or Panera Bread, maybe you arrive early in the AM, order coffee & bagel, set up your notebook/tablet in the far corner near an outlet, & start working; that remains viable for some amongst us.

  • Conventional ‘bricks & mortar’.  Some business models & professions simply must have their own physical space:  Medical office/clinic? Restaurant/bar? Retail, esp. a clothing store?

 

  • And, then, there’s coworking. This article breaks down common options that most any space in your metro area will, or already is, offering.

 

Click to Tweet

 

“We break down walls so that we can breakthrough in our businesses!”

 

— Cynthia Chiam

 

Plusses of Coworking

 

Choose from the 4 above; none are ‘wrong’ – each option will appeal to someone & that someone might be you. However, let’s focus on the benefits of coworking.

 

You quite likely will …

  • Save a significant amount
  • Opt into various perks ( who doesn’t love ‘complimentary’ coffee?!? )
  • Find flexibility ( month to month arrangements are commonplace )
  • Learn how easy it can be to ‘barter’ services &/or products with your community/tribe

 

What if …

 

… co working hasn’t yet come to my area?

Take heart: many visionaries haven’t yet pushed outside the top 25 metros.

As always, there’s a trail of ‘breadcrumbs’ that the profit motive will enable, bringing facilities to your city.

 

One pioneer shares his vision – click here to read a short Q&A w/ him.

 

How Does Co Working fit into the Gig Economy?

 

Jim Collins, in his terrific book, ‘Great by Choice’, taught us to be able to zoom in & zoom out.

 

Let’s zoom out …

 

… & answer this Q.

 

  • 1st, co working is similarly flexible.  Do your research & check as many options as exist in your area; most spaces heartily welcome entrepreneurs who don’t want to sign multi-year deals.
  • 2nd, the Gig economy spotlights project ( ‘gig’ ) based ‘work’; so does a co-working space. You can run this type of business easily & find much joy in the process
  • Next, this economy encourages interdependence, as does the coworking option. Your ‘benefits’ ( insurance, investment vehicle/s ) could very well come in a barter agreement with a sales pro who offers them to solopreneurs & sits right next to you in the space.
  • Last, your ability to be cash flow positive is accelerated; you can keep your prices aligned with your ideal avatars & earn more without having to pay steep lease or rent payments.

Suggested Profiles

 

Using hashtag #coworking as a starting point, I suggest 3 Twitter handles worth a follow:

 

Deskmag

 

kowrkdotcom

 

New Worker Magazine

 

If you happen to be in, or looking to move to, central OH …

… the options are a plenty! Here’s a quick primer on some tip top choices:

 

CoHatch

 

Brickhouse Blue

 

Haven Collective

 

&  Serendipity Labs

 

Fantastic ‘All in 1’ Resources

 

As with any topic, the internet is a treasure trove of goodness, when used for altruistic means.

 

Co-working is no exception to this mantra. Here are a handful:

 

https://www.visualcapitalist.com/visualizing-rise-co-working-spaces/

* the BEST. The infographic on the above from December 2018 is amazing!

 

Top 60 CoWorking Blogs, Websites, & …

 

From coworking spaces to who is …

 

In the Gig Economy, Coworking spaces …

 

In short …

 

  • What exactly is coworking? Let’s explore.
  • 4 options you have for locating your business.
  • The positives of choosing coworking
  • Coworking’s a big trend, yet it’s not everywhere yet. It will be, though. Stay tuned!
  • Coworking & the Gig Economy are ‘fellow travelers’ = deeply interrelated.
  • The Twitterverse, unsurprisingly, has valuable handles worth following

 

Thank YOU for reading!

3 reasons you should take your dog to work by Suzy Wright of @PoshPetsClub1

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by Suzy Wright

So, you are missing your sweet pup during the day and you know she is missing you. Are you sitting at your desk, knowing you have an important deadline you can’t miss but your mind keeps wandering to your dog and wondering if she is bored or getting into something she shouldn’t be

Most “working outside of the home” dog parents struggle with these same thoughts and guilt. So, what to do about it? Bring your dog to work with you. But you say, “My boss will never go for that.” Okay, well let’s convince her otherwise.

Take a look at these 3 (very good) reasons your pup should go to work.

1. A dog’s presence can be very calming to everyone who comes in contact. It has become quite popular to utilize dogs’ as emotional support animals for those suffering from anxiety and as a means of cheering up children and elderly in hospital and nursing home settings. This is because many people have benefited from the calming effects of just simply being in the presence of a dog. Think about how much more productive you and your co-workers would be by simply having a sweet pup to rub when you need a break or feel stressed out.

2. Many customers feel happier when encountering your pup which can lead to a more positive experience with your product or service. So if you work in an environment where customers and potential customers frequently visit, this can be a very easy and inexpensive marketing tool. For sure a win-win.

3. Can lead to more productivity and creativity. Here me out on this one. Over the course of the day, your pup will need to go out to take care of business. You can rotate with your co-workers, who are interested of course, in taking Fido out for a brisk walk in the sunshine. You will come back to the office energized from the walk, fresh air and sunshine which all leads to more productivity and creativity. Sometimes, we all just need a reason to get out from behind the desk and get some exercise.

So, assuming you have a well-behaved pup who loves people and you want your dog with you at the office but not sure your boss will go for it – show her this list and ask for a trial run. Chances are very good she will agree that having your dog around is a real benefit to everyone.

And it goes without saying that you and your pup will be happier and have a stronger relationship as a result.

So what are you waiting for? Put a tie on Fido and head to the office. You have work to do!

————————————————————————————

Suzy lives in North Carolina with her husband and two children and four fur-babies (2 cats and 2 dogs). She is a cup of coffee in the morning and a glass of wine in the evening kind of girl. Suzy’s personal interests include: Animal welfare, writing, tennis, travel, family, lazy days on the lake, fun times with friends. And laughing ~ lots of laughing.

amazon.com/author/suzywright

How Boundaries Make You the CEO of YOU! by @iammypriority_

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by Keiwana Eaton

We all need boundaries, but we all don’t have boundaries. The necessity of boundaries is for the purpose of protecting you, your personal space, and your time, all of which yields good health, positive energy, and peace of mind. More times than not, exhaustion sets in because we haven’t set boundaries for ourselves, for work, or for friends and family. We neglect ourselves to the point of exhaustion, burnout, or emotional breakdown. In the worst case scenario, not having boundaries is detrimental to our physical health. But how does this happen when we are the CEOs of our own lives? I’ll tell you how, and then I’ll give you 3 tips to regain and maintain control of your life.

If you are an empath like me and many others that I know, you naturally want to help people and solve the world’s problems. You are naturally a fixer, whether it’s a fixer of your problems or someone else’s. You might even take on more than your fair share of work and emotional baggage by simply helping others. If you catch my drift here, other people’s emotional and physical baggage with or without yours will literally drain you, and before you know it, you may feel heavy burdened, down and out, depressed and in the slumps. It happens so rapidly…or does it? Fatigue and stress are the number one causes of many health problems and even death. Long before our bodies begin to spiral out of control or go wacky, we neglect every warning sign, such as dark cloud moments when negative people enter your space, manipulative behavior, and restlessness to name a few. These traits and behaviors still our joy, are detrimental to our health, and leave us powerless. But don’t worry, I got your back! Here are three tips that to regain and maintain your position as CEO of YOU:

1. Know the company you keep.
Above I mentioned “dark cloud” moments, and this refers to individuals who are Negative Nancys, Debbie Downers, and Rain on Your Parade Rachels. They are like a sudden dreary and gloomy day when the sun is bright, the air is fresh, and the trees are a vibrant green, with no warning of clouds or a thunderstorm in the sky. As soon as they come in your presence or within your personal space, your energy is immediately turned off. It’s like they instantly suck your happiness dry. I try to stay away from such people, but if you are not black and white like me, then you may be able to handle these type of people in spurts. Either way, you must know the energies that you allow into your personal space.

2. Understand that boundaries are not a form of disrespect.
This is important as empaths are also people pleasers, and we don’t necessarily want to hurt anyone’s feelings. In this case, we are more willing to grant leniency to having no boundaries in place at all. Grave mistake! Boundaries are no disrespectful and are not hurtful to people who understand you and the need for self-care. In fact, people respect you more when you are disciplined enough to establish and impose boundaries that protect you. Doing so, allows you to manage yourself and your relationships. After all, you are the CEO of you!

3. You are your prized possession.
Maybe you should read that again…and again…and again to let it soak in every fiber of your being. Let it ooze through you. Pause a little longer if need be. Say it with me: You. Are. Your. Prized. Possession. Without you, nothing that you do would be getting done in the way that you do it. Aren’t you a badass? Do you see yourself as a badass? If not, well let me be the first to tell you or remind you…YOU ARE YOUR PRIZED POSSESSION BECAUSE YOU ARE A BADASS AND NOTHING GETS DONE IN THE WAY THAT YOU DO IT! If we do not see ourselves in this light, we simply do not value ourselves enough to uphold our standards and boundaries. Your time is valuable. Your energy is valuable. Your space is valuable. You are valuable. If you are a mother, your value extends for generations. If you are a wife, could your spouse be making it without your assistance? Why not take time to care for you, to put you first? Is it that you possibly think putting yourself first is selfish? Well, no it’s not! Or is it just that you can’t possibly see yourself of being more important or just as important as the people you take care of? Let me remind you that you are a badass and nothing would get done in the way that you do it! Sometimes, we need a kick in the butt instead of a gentle reminder that we are our priority too. From this moment forward, recite those words to yourself every day as often as you’d like. Let it become your daily affirmation.

As I wrap this up, it’s important that we regain and maintain control over our lives. Our personal space, positive vibes, and our time is valuable to us on the same authentic scale that we hold ourselves accountable to respecting other people’s time, space, and energy. Regain focus and control by implementing these three very simple tips. Setting boundaries helps you to manage relationships, be assertive, and get your voice back!

 

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Keiwana Eaton is an authentic Life Strategist and Founder of I AM My Priority, Inc. She teaches her best pro strategizing tips with bulls-eye laser focus from her 10 years+ in technical training, recruiting, and inside the walls of TOP corporate public and private offices, as well as over 2 years coaching and strategizing with entry level to senior level driven, passionate, go getters just like you!

She helps her clients uncover their authentic selves through life talks which includes accepting the past them, coming to terms with the present them, to shape the future them. Learn more and get her free Goal Smashing Made Easy Workbook by visiting www.iammypriority.org.

Consumer v. Producer : Which are YOU? by @SBSLEducSoltns

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Stretching your Entrepreneurial Thinking

While entrepreneurs will always consume certain resources, no different from our staff, or other citizens,, we shouldn’t think through a consumer lens nor should we spend precious time being one. So, let’s shake things up!

 

While reading, please invest time to ask yourself some questions. As I often advise mentees, be reflective; forego being reflexive or reactive. The difference is profound.

 

The Consumer

Per Dictionary.com , … origin: 14th C [1375–1425] = “squanderer”

 

What a strong connotation! Do we really desire to have our business(es) associated with this definition, even if its meaning has evolved somewhat over the passage of time?!

 

Why are we ‘encouraged’ , compelled, or even shamed into consuming?

The answer is too complex to address in a blog post, yet, we are able to unravel some characteristics of a consumerist.

 

He/She/They …

 

  • Oft carry a considerable amount of consumer debt
  • Will be watching, listening to, or reading lots of content from the mass media*
  • Quite likely is a side-preneur still receiving a regular paycheck as a W-2’er
  • Fairly often feel uncomfortable discussing economics or talking about money/finances

& …

  • Might use words like ‘retail therapy’, be distressed** , and/or focused on material things

( inc. transactions to make more $ versus building business relationships. )

 

Click to Tweet

 

“Every man is a consumer, and ought to be a producer. He is by constitution expensive, and needs to be rich.”

 

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Sign of a Consumerist

 

Self deception ( vid clip HERE ) is strong; maybe we know in the depths of our soul, by looking at our financial statements, or just in our gut that we are living a consumerist life while building our entrepreneurial venture/s, yet … we outwardly deny it, in our self-talk, our conversations with others, etc.

 

If you do this, you’re not alone. Some signals, both implicit & explicit to home in on & eventually course correct include:

 

  • Not paying off credit cards monthly
  • Driving in a vehicle that you don’t actually own
  • Expensive office space which raises your rates needlessly
  • Not leveraging the countless discount programs/apps/memberships available
  • Buying costly drinks or meals while at events

 

What’ll it Take … a ‘voice of courage’

Laying the groundwork for a major mindset shift will clearly impact all spheres of your business ‘being’ :  heart, mind, spirit/soul, & financial. Yet, it’s still January, and here’s hoping that you invested quality time and treasure creating and then taking action to live out these 2019 mantras, goals, or habit transformations instead.

 

If you’ve not yet carved a line item in your business blueprint for a mentor, a coach, or a niche consultant

( a good friend is ideal for the latter: Cherish Your World/Feng Shui Consultant ),  … now would be a great time!

 

A Producer’s Model

Defined here , with its synonyms including ‘builder’ & ‘creator’; which leads me to ask a few questions:

 

Don’t we all want to be known, in our branding, sales, & marketing, as these things?

Why would we knowingly choose its opposite?

 

Which characteristics might ID this type of business pro?

 

He/She/They …

 

  • Understand Y.D.I.L ***  when it comes to their finances/money ‘mind’.
  • Participate in social capital creating/expanding actions: Connecting others, serving in their communities, & building ‘roots & wings’ in their households.
  • Have eschewed a paycheck from a 3rd party & are sustaining on dollars earned through serving & solving.
  • Understand the value of time > money.  ( read previous post )

& …

  • Oft use words like legacy, leadership, leverage, significance, & value in everyday conversation.

 

Suggested Profiles

 

Brent Wehmeyer

 

Eric Kim

 

Producers Manifesto Poster

 

*** More on Y.D.I.L.

Y = You, Inc. [ ‘investing’ in your mind – trillion $+ ‘real estate’ ]

 

D = {consumer} debt [ pay off, or better yet, bypass proactively ]

 

I = Investments [ mainstream financial vehicles ]

 

L = Lifestyle [ far better to live below or right at par/your means ]

 

By committing to this informal, yet powerful acronym, my entire financial picture & level of consciousness, were shifted, bit by bit.

= I became a producer!

 

You can, too.

Starting, and perhaps expanding,  your business mustn’t originate from the scraps on your monetary table: It should be the main course, growing in parallel with your self-leadership as the “CEO” of You, Inc.

 

Value squared

Many thought leaders have previously opined on similar topic/s; I’m always pleased to cross reference their content & encourage readers in this community to learn more about them.

 

Their specialized knowledge, paired with mine, should generate lots of value for you, the reader.

 

The Producers Manifesto

Consumer v. Producer

Start Every Day as a Producer …

* Infographic – What is the ‘mass media’?

** https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/types-of-stressors-eustress-vs-distress/

 

In short …

 

  • Know the clear differences b/w a consumer(ist) & a producer
  • Click to Tweet the Emerson quote: there’s a very elevated level of consciousness within it.
  • Invest time to click on the links provided to follow the bread crumb trail of wisdom
  • Connect with the suggested social media accounts & thank them for being producers 🙂
  • Paint yourself with a producer’s Picassian flair!  #BeAnExample
  • Y.D.I.L. is very insightful, yet very contrarian.

 

Thank YOU for reading!

How To Know When You Are At Your Breaking Point by @JAMIECHENG

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How To Know When You Are At Your Breaking Point

by Jamie Cheng | Featured Contributor 

Anxious and lost are understatements of what you might associate with your lowest valleys. This article might seem to be a full-fledged negative one in the beginning but there’s light (and advice) at the end of the tunnel.

I know that the very fact you’re reading this means that some part of you may have had too much to bear. You’ve wrecked your brain, smashed your heart, and dirtied your hands. Still, you find yourself suffocating in your very own thoughts and emotions; you’re drowning and there’s no lifeguard on duty.

I do not know you nor your situation. But what I do know for certain is that you’re not alone in this (even if you feel so) and that you can make it through.

 

Definition of Breaking Point

 

Cambridge Dictionary defines this as: “The stage at which your control over yourself or a situation is lost.”

 

Your breaking point is where you have lost control of yourself or a situation. A breaking point is like doing that last rep in the gym. And it seems like the weight isn’t even moving an inch anymore.

A breaking point is like staying in that abusive (not necessarily has to just be physical) relationship and you’ve had enough of trying to fake a smile while you step out of closed doors.

A breaking point is like having to feed your family of six with a measly salary. You live from hand to mouth and inside it breaks you when you can’t give your dearly loved family what they deserve. You feel like you don’t know what else to do anymore.

A breaking point is like getting mocked and bullied online and in school. You wonder if anyone even cares or loves you, whether there’s an escape from this plight that you so don’t deserve. You wonder if your life even matters, and can’t figure out what’s the point of living anyway.

 

Tell-Tale Signs of Reaching Your Breaking Point

Each of us has our own set of problems and we all come with battle scars. But the general tell-tale signs of you reaching your breaking point would be a place where you constantly face these tangible issues:

  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Always out of focus
  • You feel more irritable and emotional (more tears)
  • You are more withdrawn and prefer isolation
  • Changes in appetite
  • Feelings of worthlessness and suicide

Carl Naumberg, PhD., wrote for Psychology Today on how this easy acronym can help you to check in with your body.

CALM which stands for:

  • C – Chest
  • A – Arms
  • L – Legs
  • M – Mind

Looking for signs of tension such as physical tightness in your chest, arms, and legs can help to raise a caveat so that you can do something about it as soon as possible. In addition, you can try introspecting, where you purposefully become conscious about the thoughts running through your mind. More specifically, to be aware of anxiety-causing thoughts.

It may seem to you right now that this doesn’t solve your problem. Heck, why would you even want to ‘dwell’ on how miserable you feel!

But being aware and conscious of the problem is the first (and most crucial) step in either preventing you from reaching your breaking point or getting you out from that deep, dark well.

 

“I would spend 55 minutes defining the problem and then five minutes solving it.”
Albert Einstein

Push Forward or Pull Back?

You are a fighter. You’re strong and you never back down. Inside this body of yours is a resilient and persistent soul. All your life, you’ve always found the strength to try one more time and stay in the grind.

But could this be an unwise move for this situation you’re in?

Sometimes the clear choice that will benefit you could just be pulling back. But because you’re stuck in a debate between your moral, beliefs, and concrete facts you let things remain just as they are. The lack of decisiveness has decided for you that you stay put at where you are.

Here are some helpful questions to make this decision a little easier:

  1. Is this going to lead me to my big goals?
  2. Am I still committing into this just because I’m too deep into it?
  3. If my friend is in the exact situation as I am, what would I advise?
  4. What is the real fundamental problem in my situation?
  5. Are the voices of others determining my decisions?

Yup, this is the part where you get a pen and paper out to write them down.

Making decisions can be scary, no doubt about that. Simply because it’s stepping into something that cannot be undone. However, indecision is something you should never let yourself do.

 

Expert’s Advice

 

Who better to seek advice on this from than Oprah? Here’s how Oprah copes with stress and thereby steering clear from reaching her breaking point.

 

 

 

1. Sleep Deserves a Schedule

Oprah clearly knows herself very well and what makes her perform better. She shares with Fast Company that she naturally wakes up every morning at around 7:16 a.m. to 7:23 a.m. Yep, all without an alarm clock.

She states that when she arises from her slumber, she takes conscious note about her environment; the sunrise, the morning mist, and the different chirps from the birds around.

 

2. Motivation from Yourself, to Yourself

I was hearing a podcast sometime this week from Optimal Business Daily and they talked about how to flip a sad situation into an award-winning success. One tip that was shared is to read a thousand biographies, one at a time.

Why? Because you allow yourself to be exposed and aware about those who’s been-there-done-that. You give their real-life stories a chance to empathize with your current situation. As a result, you’ll be fuelled with hope, and even some nuggets of advice. Oprah does the same. She has a box of quotes with a label ‘365 Truths’ on it. She picks three pieces and take about a minute to read each of them while she brews her morning tea.

 

3. Coping Tactic

“I close the door, wherever I am—at my old office in Chicago, I’d literally go in the closet—and just sit and breathe,” Oprah shares with Fast Company.

All in all, prevention is better than cure. And it really all starts with being self-aware and conscious of your being. Sadly, I can’t tell you exactly how to decide on which is best for you – even I am discovering it for myself. I hope that this article has been helpful and you’ve found the strength to make a decision.

8 Ways To Step Into 2019 With A Vengeance And Operate At Your Fullest Potential by @AngeKYoumatter

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Photo by STIL on Unsplash

by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

When you invest time to reflect what you are like when you are at your best and when you are having your best impact on other people, the true essence of you has been activated. The part of your brain lights up that produces enthusiasm and zest. To truly succeed, you must be willing to bring your whole self to the way you live and to work you do. That means showing up, leading with humility, embracing vulnerability, and despite your imperfections and flaws, embodying your humanness. Your ability to have courageous conversations, ask for help, establish and sustain human connections and allow yourself to be visible and seen.

Breaking the cycle of monotony, doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different response – insanity as Einstein famously pointed out. Yet many continue to run the hamster wheel, leaving parts of themselves at home when they enter the workplace. Yes, check the ego at the door but bringing your whole self to work., embracing all parts of you, will set the platform for you to launch yourself in the new year.

With 2019 knocking on the door, let me share with you 8 ways how to stop the drama, continue the feel-good moments and start embodying the best of you with victorious thinking and action.

Leading Your Energy

Your energy is the most prized and protected resource. Human beings need time to relax and recharge. If your energy is affected nothing happens.  Your energy sources are connected to your basic human needs – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. When you conduct a self-assessment (1 – 10 scale) on your state in each of those areas, you obtain a clear picture of what gives you energy and perhaps what changes are required to sustain your energy over time. Nurturing your energy is necessary to keep the passion and vision alive and to handle the responsibility coming your way.

Explore your return on energy

When you review 2018, explore the things that inspired you. Unveil the things that didn’t work and what sucked the energy out of you like an emotional vampire. Identify what were the things that were within your control and separate them from the external events.

When you allow your flow state to unfold, the true unfiltered you will reveal itself. Put pen to paper to dip into your distant self and extract your internal resources. Imagine yourself one year down the road, set a timer for 15 minutes and begin writing down the problem you are experiencing, including your thoughts, emotions that come up. Language who you were being, what you experienced and how you added value. Ask what advice you would give her? Reverse engineer what your success felt like and identify your high levels goals, who needs to be part of your journey and how you celebrate achieving the milestones. When the time is up or whether you have continued beyond the buzzer, clear your head and revisit the suggestions with a renewed focus.

If you want a new year, do it differently

How many people set artificial goals because that is what everyone else is doing. If you want a new year, do 2019 differently. Setting SMART goals as most people have been trained, however, start with asking the question “How you might bring value to others in 2019?” Step into the leader you are by asking quality questions that reflect leaderly value such as “How will you create environments that let others know that they matter?” “What is one thing you must do today that brings you closer to build the future you aspire to create?” “What are you prepared to do, that you haven’t already done, to get where you haven’t been? Invest in what you must do to define the year you want.

Bringing awareness to your body

Self-inquiry brings awareness to where your feelings and sensations reside. Listening to your body for 15 minutes a day can assist you to recognize and name your emotions. Create a space where you sit quietly with your journal, close your eyes and when images, words or body sensations occur, record them. At times, an image or memory may come to mind instead however the important aspect is to stay with the quality of the sensation and put to aside your logical senses. Inquire more deeply and ask what is it about this whole problem that makes this quality so – challenging, angry, stuck, overwhelmed, pleasant, uplifting, enlightening – identify your own words. Return your attention to your body and allow the sensation to release. You may not always feel a shift and you may notice a moment of feeling better but not knowing why. Trust that your ability to be present to your inner world is often enough to begin an emotional awareness process.

Being present to you

Practice daily habits that ground you into your body by creating a calm place where you can focus on your breath and meditate for 10 minutes. Practice joy by immersing yourself in activities each day – whether it be drawing, dancing or baking. Automated writing where you free-write, scribble, express all your emotions, thoughts and feelings in uncensored detail. Choose whether you wish to journal or write on a piece of paper and burn when complete as part of a releasing process. Invite the serenity prayer – “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things l cannot change, the courage to change the things l can. And wisdom to know the difference”. Identify what you can change versus the things you cannot.

Turning off when you leave work

Finding pockets of time to decompress outside of work is critical to our functioning. Shawn Achor, in a Harvard Business Review article, highlighted the need to identify periods at home as “work-free zones “that allows for mental decompression. Having personal days, regular breaks or taking a vacation allows the brain and body to rest without the mental chatter of the workplace.

Within the workplace, adjust where you have a break 10-minute break within a 60-minute timeframe. Design your day to fulfill your requirements for maximum impact to deliver results without compromising your wellbeing. Headspace has an app that offers a 10-minute guided meditation that can assist you to recharge and be more focused and productive at work.  Arianna Huffington highlighted in her book The Sleep Revolution how our dismissal of sleep significantly impacts on our health, decision-making and undermines our lives. The Sleep Foundation supports that we require a healthy eight hours to ensure you are rested and ready to embark on a new day.

Needing more self-love in our workplaces

Self-love is tossed around conversations and the self-development arena – “you need to love yourself more”, if you loved you more, then this wouldn’t happen, you need to love you first before loving another”. Self-love is not a state of feeling good, it is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support all aspects of our growth. Setting boundaries to people, activities or work that deplete your energy are imperative.

Bring the right people into your life, practice great self-care to self-nourish mind, body, and spirit. Live intentionally as you live by your design with purpose. Lisa Nichols, motivational speaker, and best-selling author,  reminds us that your job is to inspire you to become the best version of yourself and that when you become an abundant thinker, you achieve unlimited success on your terms.

Being kinder to you

You have heard the phrase that “you are your own worst critic”. Your investment in giving more weight to your flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings than your successes. Officially termed “negativity bias” your mind is compromised, your productivity interfered with and your body accelerates aging and illness. To circuit-break the cycle, self-compassion is required. Dr. Kristen Neff, psychologist supports the practice of being kind and understanding to our self despite the events as self-compassion supports motivation and positive change. One way to interrupt the cycle is through transcendental meditation. The TM technique allows your mind to easily settle inward until you experience a peaceful level of awareness. Hundred of published research studies on TM verify its effectiveness for reducing stress, enhancing brain functioning and strengthens immunity.

So many people invest their time in December obsessing over their goals, how they will reach them and how these are going to change their world. It is time to purge bad habits, learn from mistakes, make friends with your discomfort and conquer your fears. It’s time to turn things around by stepping into your fullest potential. Don’t keep reliving the past, it’s time to reinvent the future.