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The Fine Art Of Leaning Into Environments In The Workplace, Even When It’s Difficult By @ANGEKYOUMATTER

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

Workplace conflict is on the rise. Whether it be with colleagues, clients, bosses, or navigating work relationships, you need to use your voice rather than avoid these situations. When you don’t speak up, you remain trapped in your conflict.

At times, conflict is needed.

Many humans skirt the chance to confront challenges or opt to avoid conflict when given an opportunity. Your fight or flight response kicks in when faced with potential threats, and often, the flight is much easier. When you avoid addressing workplace issues, they will fester than face away. Whether it be interpersonal issues, job function challenges, or personality quirks, conflicts are inevitable. Working towards a resolution is ecological for all involved – you, your team, and your organization.

Maybe your boss lashed out at you during a team meeting, or your direct report started to cry while you are giving feedback, or perhaps a business partner hung up the phone on you. Whether it be self-preservation, people tend to do everything they can to avoid the most obvious solution: talking. Recognizing the need for an awkward conversation is a starting point.

Being direct is an art-form that many people never master. Being too direct can have you labeled as rude, inconsiderate, or intimidating. On the flip side, if you avoid being direct, being a push-over or follower comes to mind. Either way, labels that you don’t want to adopt.

Most professionals are phenomenal at arguing on behalf of their clients, yet many don’t welcome having tough personal conversations. Rather than avoid, why isn’t your instinct to lean in? People invest their energy into all the negative consequences of their interactions.

The cost of inaction results in ongoing tension and stress. The feeling of being stuck only compounds over time. When you shift your approach and instill a new habit of stepping into difficult conversations, it can be a game changer. Imagine the benefits of not having to spend hours or weeks avoiding conversations, immersing yourself in the inherent underlying fear about them, and instead of the energy of possibility of a successful resolution.

The key is to learn how to produce a better outcome for all while keeping your relationship intact. Consider the following strategies to break through the resistance of mental obstacles by taking the first step to lean in.

Intention is everything

Catering to an audience is an important skill to keep in mind. Delivering constructive comments, without personalizing and finding a tone that adopts an empathetic approach is your priority. When being direct, remain to the facts, keep a measured tone, listen to the talking points, empathize with their response, and breathe when it’s time to respond. Listen to understand, not respond.

Get Uncomfortable

There is a certain level of messiness when dealing with difficult conversations. Getting comfortable with the uncertainty of the outcome is what often consumes people’s thoughts.

Adopt a frame of understanding the nature of difficult conversations and how to handle them, identify the preferred strategies for managing these conversations and use enhanced listening and empathy in a way that minimizes tension and conflict and strengths relationships

Adeptly navigate the murky waters.

When a swag of negative emotions is involved, people avoid talking to those whose behaviors create problems. You talk about them and not to them. Avoidance kicks in, and difficult conversations become foreign concepts.

People make the mistake of avoiding what is uncomfortable, scary or challenging. They choose to lay low or invest in seeking comfort from others who are just as uncomfortable and disagree with the behavior that is causing the difficulty.

When avoidance is the chosen response, people continue to stay stuck. Frustration accelerates, trust remains low, productivity lowers, health and wellbeing become compromised, and problems fester.

Decide to have the conversation or not.

You always have a choice, to have a conversation or not. Not choosing is still a choice. If you decide not to have the conversation, then you have the responsibility of moving on and letting it go.

If you choose to participate in the conversation, check the ego at the door alongside the soapbox of opinions, or morals. In the workplace, organizational values must be the platform for the discussion to launch from, to discuss workplace behavior and establish agreements on how to move on.

Kickstart the conversation

Begin the conversation by stating its purpose and your intention to come to some resolution. When you separate facts from emotion, you can articulate what you know to be true objectively and minimize the opportunity for the conversation to escalate.

By being present during the conversation, you are open to listening and acknowledging their views and engaging in a solution-focused discussion. Being problem-saturated helps no one.

Embrace the pause

During conversations, it can be tempting to fill the silence. Embracing the silence, and embodying the pause, creates an opportunity for the other person to feel listened and valued. Be respectful, patient, and open to walking in another person’s shoes.

Breathe in the Moment

The calmer and more centered you are, the better you respond to difficult conversations. Practice mindfulness where you focus on your breath. It creates a space where you can refocus and collect your thoughts.

Determine what is fact from the story.

Ask quality questions such as:

  • What do you know for sure?
  • What would add more value right now?
  • What are the facts? List all the facts and ask yourself, do you know that for sure? Is it a fact or part of a story l am telling myself?
  • What are you committing to move forward?
  • What is the simplest, fastest yet more thorough way to make this happen?

Find common areas of agreement on how you will both move forward and work together.

Lessons Learned

After a courageous conversation, it is worthwhile to reflect post discussion and consider what went well, would be improved, and what were the lessons learned from the experience. Reflect on the tone of the meeting, the responses, and could have there been a different approach. Investing in observing mentors leading these conversations is an opportunity to emulate their language, strategy, and tactics. Having courageous conversations is not just a skill, it is brave.

 

 

6 Science-Backed Activities For Leaders To Become More Zen In Life by @AngeKYoumatter

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

Whether it’s mothers trying to separate teens from their screens to the busy executive going from conference calls to meditation, the evolution of technology impacts all facets of life. The digital world is permeating the fabric of life and its time to redefine the future of living.

As of December 2018, there are over 2.32 billion monthly active users worldwide on Facebook. There were 1.15 billion mobile daily active users. The average time spent per Facebook visit is 20 minutes and every 60 seconds, 510,000 comments are posted.

The average American spends 24 hours a week online. E-marketer trends forecasted that US adults would spend an average of 3 hours, 35 minutes per day on mobile devices in 2018 and by 2019 mobile will surpass TV as the medium attracting the most minutes in the US.

Smartphones and apps have changed the way we work, communicate and play. Technology is a double-edged sword. It brings people together, makes it easier for people to collaborate however the negative impact can be soul-destroying. People’s physical health is being compromised due to poor eating habits, working more late hours, exercising less through to posture issues, headaches, and the quality and quantity of sleep and emotional wellbeing being impacted.

It’s time to take back your overrun attention and life. Let’s dive into 6 actionable activities that support you to get your focus back, live more consciously and build a more mindful life.

Work Smart Rule

The Pareto principle, 80/20 rule is well known for 20% of your work is going to account for 80% of your results. If you apply this universal truth to business and life, you invest 20% of the time on the tasks that yield 80% of the results. Leveraging the principle involves in asking quality questions to decipher what you are investing your time in:

  • What have l done that has moved me closer to my vision?
  • What have l invested my time in that has had a negative or no impact on moving me towards my vision?
  • What would be the steps that l would need to take to move one step closer to my vision?
  • What would be the first thing l would implement to bring me closer?

By being specific, you will determine the very step you need to execute daily to become the most productive version of you. By organizing your daily tasks, you prioritize the key bite-sized chunks, you focus on the tasks with the highest payoffs and you tackle your top 20% of tasks first.  When you execute those tasks, your brain release dopamine, the feel-good hormone. By cultivating small achievements, you propel yourself to greater success.

Zen Time

The practice of mindfulness and meditation has been around for thousands of years. In more recent times, the business world has embraced these practices because research supports how these practices can change the wiring and makeup of your brain. Companies such as Google, Salesforce,  and Toyota have understood the personal benefits of mindfulness to support business objectives.

Training the mind to focus is becoming more critical than ever as your attention is being pulled in 1000 different directions at once. Learning the basics of mindfulness and meditation through courses, books, apps, and YouTube videos is readily available. Commitment to a daily practice, starting with dedicated time in your day to learning to be present. This can be a sitting meditation using an app such as Headspace or practice being in the moment when going for a walk.

The Art of Now

Being in the moment can be a reminder for you to be more mindful of wherever you happen to be. When emotions, thoughts or desires arise, you notice them, be kind to them and allow them to be just as they are. When you embrace the moment with an open mind, you merely observe without judgment. By being in the moment, research supports that by fine-tuning your ability to be present, you decrease your stress responses and increase your positive emotions. When you make room for the full range of your human experience, you will live with more inner peace.

Self-inquiry

Another way is to focus on the inner orchestra of your body by scanning from head to toe. Notice which part of the body you connect with and notice what you feel. Another way is to focus on one part of your body and notice the physical sensations you can feel. When you focus on bodily sensation you release tension that perhaps you were not aware of before. When you bring attention to areas of discomfort within the body you decrease symptoms of stress and improve psychological well-being.

Purposeful Action

Multi-tasking is a mere illusion and addictive. Your brain convinces you that it loves to multitask when in fact training your mind to focus on one thing at a time allows you to produce more meaningful results. When you commit to your actions being purposeful and deliberate, you slow everything down. You shut down your mental autopilot to allow the logical part of your brain steps into the driver’s seat.

Act of Nature

In our modern work, distraction is running rife. Being able to disconnect and go into nature, whether it be a walk, hike or just sitting, you re-sensitize yourself to the life and beauty around you.  Environmental Health and Preventative Medicine published a study that found participants that walked in a forest had lower blood pressure and levels of cortisol (referred to as the stress hormone) afterward than those who strolled through a city environment.

Shinrin-Yoku or “forest bathing” was developed in Japan during the 1980’s, designed to combat stress from overwork. Today, it has become a cornerstone of preventive health care and healing in Japanese medicine. By simply being in nature, connecting through your senses of sight, hearing, tastes, smell and touch. By opening your senses, it bridges the gap between you and nature.

Your repeated experiences will shape your thinking and the way you live your life. What your practice, grows stronger.

8 Ways Women Leaders Inspire The Next Generation by @AngeKYoumatter

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Photo by Fox from Pexels

by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

Women throughout history have led through great wisdom. J.K Rowling’s hopeful 2008 Harvard commencement speech, Oprah’s powerful 2018 Golden Globe acceptance speech and Lady Gaga’s 2019 Oscar’s acceptance speech reminding you that if you have a dream, fight for it. There is a discipline for passion, and it is not about how many times you get rejected or fall, it is about how times you stand up, are brave and keep moving forward. As Marilyn Monroe once said, “give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world”.

Inspiring women derive from all walks of life. In today’s world, there is nothing more important than lifting each other up to thrive in success, to empower one another and to dare to lead by being brave in the face of fear.

Women today are CEO’s, entrepreneurs and so much more. When women lead with compassion, they inspire the next generation to rise to great heights than ever before.

Today, it is our responsibility to pay it forward by empowering all women to embrace opportunities and possibilities beyond the limits of their imagination. That within lies the power to reclaim your power, strength, and vulnerability to stand in your truth and propel yourself towards what you want for your life. By planting the seeds, women collectively can stand strong.

Women’s International Day will be celebrated on March 8 this year. It’s a perfect opportunity to celebrate women to better the world. Here are eight ways women leaders inspire the next generation.

 Refusal to stay in a box

Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back. Women who came before us, fought for our freedom and laid the foundation that provides us the platform to honor the truest expression of ourselves today – Coco Chanel forward thinker revolutionalized societal expectations around fashion and relationships, Eleanor Roosevelt First Lady of the United States, independent and outspoken on the rights of women and other humanitarian causes, Indira Gandi the first female  prime minister of India strongly advocated for women’s rights and advanced India on the international stage and Oprah Winfrey had the longest-running daytime talk show on television, broadcast in 145 countries around the world and established her leadership academy for girls. These extraordinary women paved the way for modern movements and created pathways that altered the course of history for all women.

Breakthrough and rise

With so many obstacles on the road to gender equality, women must uplift each other despite culture’s habit of trying to pit us against each other. Women must propel each other forward instead of holding each other back. By harnessing the collective energy of women, you can inspire future and aspiring women leaders.

One project that has brought this to life is the Girl Child Empowerment Trust in Zimbabwe to engender active participation in the upliftment of the girl child, raising awareness of issues impacting girls and creating a common platform for communicating their needs. There is a fundamental understanding that empowering African women and girls in the spheres of economics, education, human rights, and politics has significant advantages, both for the women and their families and their culture.

Be the leader you always were

Leadership always starts with you. As women, you must delve deep into your reflection to truly witness self-love and empowerment. Sustainable success will not come from fitting into anybody else’s mold, its imperative to live your own life and lead like the woman you are.  One cannot lead others, if you cannot lead yourself.

Embracing your feminine energy

As more women enter the C-suite or start their own companies, investing in embracing your feminine energy by trusting intuition, amplifying compassion and embodying patience, leads to a more holistic business. Traditionally women have been encouraged to emulate masculine leadership qualities to climb the corporate ladder however when women step into their true identities with openness, transparency, owning emotions, being clear about values, vulnerabilities and fears, modern audiences embrace the humanness when it comes to leading.

Want to lead like a woman, know your leadership journey

When women are fully aligned with their values, you preserve your energy, create flow states where you become a force for positivity. Conscious and inclusive leaders have stories about how they achieved their success. Sharing the story and your vulnerabilities hold power by connecting authentically with your people, customers, and investors.

Influencing relationships

When it comes to the workplace, women bring tremendous executive social skills that increase team work, they work more egalitarian and focus on bringing out the best in their people. Women encourage a high level of self-awareness and are conscious of the health of their teams. Psychology today supports due to women’s neurological make-up, women are more empathetic and as a result more likely to be better at tapping into their senses about how others are reacting.

Women who tap into their expansive thinking tend to expand strategy to a longer-term view. Women see possibilities through new ideas and innovative thinking, value empathy and collaboration which is part of their hard-wiring. Women leaders express competition differently by influencing relationships rather than hunting for the kill.

Queen Bee phenomenon

Unfortunately, the “queen bee” phenomenon surfaces within organizations as senior-level women distance themselves from junior women to be more accepted by male colleagues. When women snub other women, fail to support each other and communication breakdowns, these environments permeate and stain the fabric of the organization.

To breakthrough cultural experiences of competition rather than collaboration, creating a dedicated space, such as women-owned lunches to share challenges and celebrate success are opportunities within male-dominated industries. When you bring groups of people together, you appreciate that problems are not specific to you but in fact, are collective challenges. Being together creates an improved flow of information and a sense of unity that we are in this together.

Invest in women

Every time a woman brings her personal style confidently, you signal to other women that it is okay. If you want to uplift other women, lead by example. Women bring different flavors to the table and when you recognize excellence in other women, and yourself, you strengthen the capacity to let others shine through you.

Sponsorship is a phenomenal way to capture achievements, create a culture of support, recognizes and celebrates people and as an advocate, you can link them with opportunities on their behalf. It is an excellent way for future leaders to be brought to the attention of executives.

Today, the world demands moments where the power of women’s voices must be heard. Women must be invited to illuminate the world in their unique way. You all have the responsibility and the capacity to stand in your power, embrace your vulnerabilities and amplify your strengths in your approach to empower future generations of women.

13 Ways Leaders Re-Boot Employee Engagement In Business by @AngeKYoumatter

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13 Ways Leaders Re-Boot Employee Engagement In Business

by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

Can you remember when you first joined your team, full of enthusiasm, passion, and determination you were going to make a difference? You are pumped with new ideas, strategies and palpable energy that would permeate the walls of any building.

Then as time progressed, days turn into months, your energy plateaued, your enthusiasm waned, and you began to feel disconnected. Frustrations mounted, roadblocks seemed like unachievable peak tops. If this sounds familiar, you are around great company. No one is immune to feeling alone, experiencing the same frustrations or at times the lack of productivity. All levels of the organization, including entrepreneurial leaders have experienced at some point the disconnect. The good news is that many have also risen above to confront and re-engage within their organization.

Here is a list of thirteen actionable ideas to re-boot engagement in your business.

Time is precious

Leaders must spend time with their team member, both formally through training, coaching, performance and informally through conversations, coffee and morning tea. By engaging in conversations that determine skill gaps, what you need to close the gap and the behaviors you want to change and impact with your team creates an opportunity to identify the priorities for the next 30 and 90 days, both individually and as a collective group. The power is in the conversation.

Results, not input

An emphasis must be on outcomes and the end results rather than input. Leaders must shift the responsibility to the employee to determine how individually they can work and fulfill their responsibilities. When leading others, employees must learn to see clearly that their success or lack of, is not determined by managers or circumstances but is in their own hands. Leaders empower people to become experts at leading themselves.  When you let people drive their results, they hold themselves accountable.

Can l see you?

Visibility within the organization, speaking at meetings with your people, channeling nervous energy into adding value, presenting information that taps into all representational systems – logical information, using body language, compelling visuals and engaging the audience, creates a space to bring your people along graciously. When you are clear about communication styles, inclusivity breeds.

Future leaders

You want your people to feel more connected and engaged, include employees in company strategy. People feel more empowered, it doesn’t cost anything, respect permeates the culture, people feel heard, different ideas are brought to the table and the identification of future leaders are revealed.

Collective thinking

There is strength in bringing together teams from different areas – internal or external – for a workplace lunch, industry conference or individually to work on a project. The power of collaborating, bringing fresh ideas, problem-solving or sharing best practice knowledge, cultivates strong professional relationships that benefit both people and business.

Walk and talk

Walk and talk meetings or mentoring walks lead to healthy minds and healthy business performance and productivity. When you get and move, immerse yourself in the fresh air you will be amazed at how productive people feel. It starts at the top.

Imagine having time to create what inspires you

Google introduced a 20 percent program where employees spend 20 percent of their time at work doing whatever they like. In a smaller company, a variation may be one week out of every 8 weeks to work on a passion project. By encouraging your people to work on side projects you promote skill development, learning of new technologies and an ability to explore untouched territories in the marketplace. Encouraging creativity makes sound business sense and it helps you attract the best talent.

4-Day week

Given the digital world has had a profound impact on everyday life, including work hours, companies are now looking at cutting their work week to 4 days a week resulting in higher productivity in business, more motivated staff and less burnout. In New Zealand, Perpetual Guardian, a trust company reported that since the pilot of a 32 hour week in 2018, there had been a fall in stress and an increase in staff engagement.

A personal assistant for the week

Giving a little help by hiring a personal assistant for a day or week to recognize the time and effort your people have put in every single day, creates ripples within your organization. A dedicated person to work through administration and menial tasks that must be done so the recognized person can have an opportunity to dedicate time to working on their passion project for the week. Imagine the ROI.

Employee Award ideas

Recognizing and rewarding the efforts of your people can be done in a fun and innovative way. Start with identifying the fundamental values within the workplace that you want your people to be alignment with and identify titles that can be celebrated once a month. For instance, rewarding improving the quality of customer service in the company, a title may be for an award “Customer Whisperer”; awarding a top performer may be “Hall of Fame” award; an appreciation award for making a difference to people within the company “The Master Yoda Award” and “The Marvel team” award that celebrates and appreciates team effort and results.

Meaningful words

Mantras help unite people under a common purpose, supports employees to humanely connect with your brand and product and is a uniquely powerful source of motivation. One way to leverage the mantra is by making it visible throughout the building on posters, t-shirts, or in a workplace manifesto painted on a wall in the building. Make it meaningful and watch how people embody your brand and unleash the power of your team.

Rapid-fire

One way to start the day is to create a sense of team spirit with a rapid-fire catch–up. Fifteen minutes of sharing your wins, roadblocks and focus for the day. Team conversations ensure all members are on the same page and have an awareness of how to best support each other.

Pulse performance

When you create environments where pulse performance practices are embedded that encourage regular feedback, monthly check-ins, ongoing discussions to ensure alignment with objectives, exposing blind spots and amplifying strengths, magic happens. Leadership development in today’s climate is non-negotiable. By coaching managers in providing feedback with an attitude of ‘what needs to be done next’ rather than rating past performance and induces dialogue on a deeper level as people want to be able to grow and be better. The more personal development opportunities within the organization, the more you will retain talent.

When you tap into the genuine commitment of unlocking the human potential within your organization, people re-engage, and success comes to those who dare to be brave.

8 Ways To Step Into 2019 With A Vengeance And Operate At Your Fullest Potential by @AngeKYoumatter

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Photo by STIL on Unsplash

by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

When you invest time to reflect what you are like when you are at your best and when you are having your best impact on other people, the true essence of you has been activated. The part of your brain lights up that produces enthusiasm and zest. To truly succeed, you must be willing to bring your whole self to the way you live and to work you do. That means showing up, leading with humility, embracing vulnerability, and despite your imperfections and flaws, embodying your humanness. Your ability to have courageous conversations, ask for help, establish and sustain human connections and allow yourself to be visible and seen.

Breaking the cycle of monotony, doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different response – insanity as Einstein famously pointed out. Yet many continue to run the hamster wheel, leaving parts of themselves at home when they enter the workplace. Yes, check the ego at the door but bringing your whole self to work., embracing all parts of you, will set the platform for you to launch yourself in the new year.

With 2019 knocking on the door, let me share with you 8 ways how to stop the drama, continue the feel-good moments and start embodying the best of you with victorious thinking and action.

Leading Your Energy

Your energy is the most prized and protected resource. Human beings need time to relax and recharge. If your energy is affected nothing happens.  Your energy sources are connected to your basic human needs – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. When you conduct a self-assessment (1 – 10 scale) on your state in each of those areas, you obtain a clear picture of what gives you energy and perhaps what changes are required to sustain your energy over time. Nurturing your energy is necessary to keep the passion and vision alive and to handle the responsibility coming your way.

Explore your return on energy

When you review 2018, explore the things that inspired you. Unveil the things that didn’t work and what sucked the energy out of you like an emotional vampire. Identify what were the things that were within your control and separate them from the external events.

When you allow your flow state to unfold, the true unfiltered you will reveal itself. Put pen to paper to dip into your distant self and extract your internal resources. Imagine yourself one year down the road, set a timer for 15 minutes and begin writing down the problem you are experiencing, including your thoughts, emotions that come up. Language who you were being, what you experienced and how you added value. Ask what advice you would give her? Reverse engineer what your success felt like and identify your high levels goals, who needs to be part of your journey and how you celebrate achieving the milestones. When the time is up or whether you have continued beyond the buzzer, clear your head and revisit the suggestions with a renewed focus.

If you want a new year, do it differently

How many people set artificial goals because that is what everyone else is doing. If you want a new year, do 2019 differently. Setting SMART goals as most people have been trained, however, start with asking the question “How you might bring value to others in 2019?” Step into the leader you are by asking quality questions that reflect leaderly value such as “How will you create environments that let others know that they matter?” “What is one thing you must do today that brings you closer to build the future you aspire to create?” “What are you prepared to do, that you haven’t already done, to get where you haven’t been? Invest in what you must do to define the year you want.

Bringing awareness to your body

Self-inquiry brings awareness to where your feelings and sensations reside. Listening to your body for 15 minutes a day can assist you to recognize and name your emotions. Create a space where you sit quietly with your journal, close your eyes and when images, words or body sensations occur, record them. At times, an image or memory may come to mind instead however the important aspect is to stay with the quality of the sensation and put to aside your logical senses. Inquire more deeply and ask what is it about this whole problem that makes this quality so – challenging, angry, stuck, overwhelmed, pleasant, uplifting, enlightening – identify your own words. Return your attention to your body and allow the sensation to release. You may not always feel a shift and you may notice a moment of feeling better but not knowing why. Trust that your ability to be present to your inner world is often enough to begin an emotional awareness process.

Being present to you

Practice daily habits that ground you into your body by creating a calm place where you can focus on your breath and meditate for 10 minutes. Practice joy by immersing yourself in activities each day – whether it be drawing, dancing or baking. Automated writing where you free-write, scribble, express all your emotions, thoughts and feelings in uncensored detail. Choose whether you wish to journal or write on a piece of paper and burn when complete as part of a releasing process. Invite the serenity prayer – “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things l cannot change, the courage to change the things l can. And wisdom to know the difference”. Identify what you can change versus the things you cannot.

Turning off when you leave work

Finding pockets of time to decompress outside of work is critical to our functioning. Shawn Achor, in a Harvard Business Review article, highlighted the need to identify periods at home as “work-free zones “that allows for mental decompression. Having personal days, regular breaks or taking a vacation allows the brain and body to rest without the mental chatter of the workplace.

Within the workplace, adjust where you have a break 10-minute break within a 60-minute timeframe. Design your day to fulfill your requirements for maximum impact to deliver results without compromising your wellbeing. Headspace has an app that offers a 10-minute guided meditation that can assist you to recharge and be more focused and productive at work.  Arianna Huffington highlighted in her book The Sleep Revolution how our dismissal of sleep significantly impacts on our health, decision-making and undermines our lives. The Sleep Foundation supports that we require a healthy eight hours to ensure you are rested and ready to embark on a new day.

Needing more self-love in our workplaces

Self-love is tossed around conversations and the self-development arena – “you need to love yourself more”, if you loved you more, then this wouldn’t happen, you need to love you first before loving another”. Self-love is not a state of feeling good, it is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support all aspects of our growth. Setting boundaries to people, activities or work that deplete your energy are imperative.

Bring the right people into your life, practice great self-care to self-nourish mind, body, and spirit. Live intentionally as you live by your design with purpose. Lisa Nichols, motivational speaker, and best-selling author,  reminds us that your job is to inspire you to become the best version of yourself and that when you become an abundant thinker, you achieve unlimited success on your terms.

Being kinder to you

You have heard the phrase that “you are your own worst critic”. Your investment in giving more weight to your flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings than your successes. Officially termed “negativity bias” your mind is compromised, your productivity interfered with and your body accelerates aging and illness. To circuit-break the cycle, self-compassion is required. Dr. Kristen Neff, psychologist supports the practice of being kind and understanding to our self despite the events as self-compassion supports motivation and positive change. One way to interrupt the cycle is through transcendental meditation. The TM technique allows your mind to easily settle inward until you experience a peaceful level of awareness. Hundred of published research studies on TM verify its effectiveness for reducing stress, enhancing brain functioning and strengthens immunity.

So many people invest their time in December obsessing over their goals, how they will reach them and how these are going to change their world. It is time to purge bad habits, learn from mistakes, make friends with your discomfort and conquer your fears. It’s time to turn things around by stepping into your fullest potential. Don’t keep reliving the past, it’s time to reinvent the future.

8 Ways To Create A Workplace No One Will Ever Want To Leave by @AngeKYoumatter

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

People are the engine that keeps companies growing, improving and innovating. Given the nature of today’s workplace, environments demand collaboration, the ability to tap into deep thinking and the embodiment of mentorship. When people blend these skills, they become their own inspiration and maximize opportunities where both people and business thrive.

Harvard Business Review article “Creating the best workplace on earth” highlighted that your business is operating at its fullest potential by creating environments where individual differences are nurtured, where companies add value to employees rather than suck the energy out of people, when information is not suppressed and when business stands for something meaningful.

Here are 8 ways that a workplace operates at its fullest potential by allowing people to do their best work, bringing their whole selves to work, and never wanting to leave.

Development and progression are your own business

When people can express their full selves at work, they exhibit higher levels of organizational commitment, individual performance and a burning desire to help others. By allowing people to tap into their fullest potential, they engage in discussions, debate ideas and bring their perspective to conversations that enable a richness for innovation and growth.

Managers make their expectations clear, but individuals decide how to meet them. Self-determination means delineating your path and being accountable for your success. Facebook, the largest social media network, deeply invests in the professional development and well-being of its people through delivering quality training, employees having the flexibility to set personalized work schedules as their progress is measured by impact not hours and unites global employees for team connection.

Thriving culture club

Gallup released their State of the American Workplace report highlighting that 70 percent of the American works are disengaged at work. Employees are checking out because of the lack of growth and opportunity within the company.

Wayne Dyer said, “There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there’s only scarcity of resolve to make it happen”. When professional and personal development program opportunities knock at your door, identify what elevates your profession, skills, status, and circumstances. There is no progress without taking a risk.

Forbes partnered with Statista to identify companies specific to ranking America’s best employers for women. Principal Financial Group, Iowa ranked number one spot with a workforce containing 59% of whom are women, support flexible work schedules, prenatal care programs, and onsite childcare center. Career development became a priority to elevate women however investment in how both men and women can support each other in the workplace was deemed paramount.

Business leaders today invest in personal development for themselves as it helps you improve as a leader, so what do you think it will do for your people?

Let the water flow – create a culture of honesty

Companies must not deceive, distort or spin information, challenges or celebrations. In a digital world where all is posted, swiped or filtered, telling people the truth must be a core business value. Respecting your people’s need to know what is really going on about their jobs or workplace, demonstrates the greatest level of respect.

Leaders must eliminate the need to put a positive spin on even the most negative situations. They mustn’t strangle the flow of information because of not wanting to be the bearer of bad news.

There will be times where critical information requires confidentiality and sensitivity. Honesty won’t necessarily stop problems from arising, however, senior leaders must err on the side of transparency.

When trust levels amongst the workforce are low and background noise is high, companies must work hard to communicate what is going on if they are to be heard and believed. Complete, transparent and timely communication is vital.

Stand for something bigger

People want to live brands. By making the environment more meaningful, people choose to stay. People want to do good work, to feel they matter in an organization that makes a difference. They want to work is an environment that amplifies strengths, where autonomy is promoted, and transparency is not negotiable.

Forging powerful connections between personal and business values fosters individuality and a strong culture at the same time. Great Place to Work surveyed employees working for companies around the globe. Salesforce, a global CRM leader, hit the number one spot again as a company that works to deliver success as a team for customers while giving back to communities. Salesforce demonstrated its commitment to their people through the quest to provide a healthy workspace that limits its impact on the environment through having installed filtered water taps in all its offices. On a global scale a positive impact through volunteer efforts such as having launched “CoderDojo” in Kenya for the visually impaired, providing opportunities for every child to learn how to code.

Mentorship

If you don’t have a mentoring program in your business, it’s time to implement one. In a workforce management insights report, Adecco advised that 61% of companies believe mentorship is essential to employee happiness. Chronus reported that 25% of employees who took part in a company’s mentoring program had a salary grade change, compared with 5% of employees who didn’t participate in the program. Mentors were promoted six times more often than those not in the program; mentees were promoted five times more often than those not in the program.

Great companies use both coaching and mentoring to develop strong, efficient teams while identifying the next group of company leaders to mentor. Giving people a chance to succeed and grow, supports companies to recruit and keep talent.

Promoting from within

If you are not investing in your people, you are not investing in the future of your business. When your people feel like they are stagnant, employees will look for employment opportunities elsewhere. Setting up an individual development plan creates a conversation to identify both short-term and long-term goals. Individuals empower themselves to ask quality questions about how they can close the gap to where they are and to where they want to be. Using this as a platform for monthly check-ins creates opportunities for both the individual to progress and creates collective growth for them and the business.

A culture of friendship and inclusion

Women and men having a best friend at work leads to better performance. Gallup stated that “employee engagement shows that two out of 10 U.S. employees strongly agree they have a best friend at work and by moving that ratio to six in 10, organizations could realize: 36% fewer safety incidents; 7% more engaged customers; and 12% higher profit.”

Forcing connections is indeed not the message, and investment in creating spaces where a human connection can be fostered and nurtured is worth the investment. Yearly team retreats, attending conferences as a collective group, or hosting team building activities is another way to invest in the workforce. Another alternative may be implementing a mentorship program, identifying a specific project for the team and incentivizing such as a bonus-based opportunity on the achievement of the goal.

A caterpillar must come out of the pupa to fly away like a butterfly

Expanding your unfamiliar zone is critical if you are committed to investing in your development. Breaking through your fear, insecurity or lack of self-confidence allows you to prioritize your potential and open doors to possibilities. You know that is it easy to go with the flow rather than swim upstream.

When your business is operating at its fullest potential, you have achieved an inclusive environment where work can be liberating, where the human potential at work is fully realized and your workplace remains the exception rather than the norm. A place where people dare to lead, live their dreams every day and will never want to leave.

You Want To Drive Business Results, Start Appreciating Your People @AngeKYoumatter

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

The modern workforce is a changing workplace. Business in the 21st century must be collaborative and bottom up, rather than hierarchical and top-down, to thrive. Employee recognition is a must, not a should.

Over 65 percent of employees report that don’t feel recognized at work. The number one reason why employees quit is due to the lack of recognition. The Hay group, now known as Korn Ferry, referred that “companies with the most engaged employees report revenue growth at a rate 2.5X greater than their competitors”.

Employee recognition creates an infectious work culture that retains top talent and improves the customer experience. Recognition is an integral part of employee wellness, and the benefits supersede. Acknowledging the effort and not the outcome creates an opportunity for your people to keep pushing boundaries for your business and continue to be an actively engaged workforce.

Recognition is only impactful if it is in alignment with who you are. A sincerity and genuineness in what you say is the distinction. The employee experience must not feel like a computer-generated email. Any recognition communication must address – “Who is being recognized, who is recognizing them and what specific individual action or decision deserved the recognition.”

When you commit to delivering an extraordinary employee experience throughout the lifecycle of an employee, appreciation, and recognition will be the most significant factors that increase employee happiness and drive engagement. What an ROI.

Appreciation brings out the best in people and yet within the workplace appreciation is one of the key areas that organizations continue to disappoint their staff. When your employee appreciation ideas or practices suck, you need to create a new landscape. The infamous employee of the month plaque or the old bulletin board announcements in the break room quite frankly suck.

In today’s world, social platforms increase visibility for all to interact with celebrating success, sharing stories and guiding others. The beauty of the digital world has provided recognition moments in real time preventing the Chinese whispers.

Here are four ways to show your people that you appreciate and love them.

Celebrating in real time

Creating memorable moments for people is a rewarding experience. Celebrating a colleague for delivering an extraordinary presentation at an event provides opportunities for a selfie. A photo can be used to post on their social media platforms recognizing them for their achievement or perhaps recording a video message to post congratulating them on the impactful message you received from their presentation. When you add value to another human being by tapping into your personal touch, you are serving them with kindness and love.

Workplace blogging

A workplace blog is a brilliant way in real time to communicate your message, voice an opinion or challenge respectfully a view. It’s an opportunity to congratulate a colleague in real time. In today’s world, human being’s attention span is 8 second. One second less than a fish. Social recognition provides you the opportunity to maximize time and connect in real time.

Area of harmony

An investment and more in-depth understanding of your people, their needs and their lifestyles create a platform for flexibility to deliver results that permits the individual to work in a way that prioritizes work demands without sacrificing their wellness and productivity. When you listen to your people and invite conversations about inclusive work practices, culture changes.

Voting Tool

Adopt a voting tool that can capture company-wide voting, free-frame in real time moments as they celebrate people’s contributions as they happen. By empowering people to vote, they can shine a spotlight on people’s efforts in a timeframe that matters. eBallot, an online voting platform, engages all people company-wide and provides a platform for teams to establish a weekly election to spotlight a co-worker’s efforts.

Love Languages at work

The cultural phenomenon of the five love languages, specific to intimate relationships, was rebranded to fit within a workplace context specifically.  Appreciation at work was born to help build a culture where co-workers and management expressed recognition and appreciation at work. The five love languages included physical touch, quality time, acts of service, tangible gifts and words of affirmation.

When applied in the workplace, touch referred to a ‘high five,’ or a congratulatory handshake in the context of celebration. When it comes to physical contact, it is essential to ensure the recipient grants permission. Quality time is providing your undivided attention, being fully present at the moment with your staff or co-worker. Acts of service are representative of collaborating on a project or assisting in getting a task done. Tangible gifts in the workplace are measured in the time someone gets to know you – exploring what they enjoy, inquiring about interests and aligning what you buy them with what is important to them. Words of affirmation encourage people. Whether it be a one to one statement or a public display, the value in the words and language used to affirm the other person.

By asking your people directly to identify their appreciation preferences creates an opportunity for managers or co-workers to celebrate them in alignment with who they are. Appreciation is a low cost and high impact.

The Faces Of Shame @AngeKYoumatter

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

The digital world has given a voice to the people on a scale never seen before. At its worst, it is a weapon of mass destruction. The digital world has amplified slander, intensified bullying and masticated reputations like a lion chewing a piece of meat.  Shaming has become a digital centerpiece that can destroy lives and livelihoods.

No one is immune to shaming. Whether it be the stay at home mum, a woman period-shamed at work  or the 70-year-old female body shamed at the gym . One tweet, one article or a post captures the fat shaming, slut shaming or career shaming that runs rapidly across the globe.

Public shaming has been synonymous with the justice system dating back centuries where petty criminals were sentenced to public floggings, drawing in large crowds and binding communities to ensure justice was served. Today, public shaming continues as a form of punishment. Whether it requires shoplifters to carry signs stating they stole, or a Californian state website that contains the names of people who don’t pay their taxes or gossip in a workplace, shaming has such a scale and speed that the results can be soul destroying.

In a TED Talk “When Online Shaming Goes Too Far” Jon Ronson shares the story of Justine Sacco who sent an ill-considered tweet in 2013 that blew up her life between her flight from London to South Africa. A 64-character tweet and with only 170 twitter followers, ignited an international feeding frenzy of online mob mentality expressing collective rage, her name synonymous with racism, her hashtag #HasJustineLandedYet waiting for her public hanging. As a former senior director of corporate communications, she was to find her fate via a twitter post advising of her termination. Justine was publicly sentenced and hung out to dry for a holiday tweet that had no intent behind it.

Women’s behavior is still subject to much scrutiny, and if the narrative is not adhered to, then shaming is activated. Despite the feminist movement, slut-shaming continues in great force around the globe. In August 2018, Rachel Hundley, a council member in Sonoma, California received a threatening email accusing her of immoral and unethical behavior and demanding she drop out of the city council race or a website with photos of her from Burning Man would be released. Serena Williams shamed on social media for her supposedly “large” and “masculine” appearance. Amy Cuddy gets your “power pose” on her Ted Talk which originated from noticing a gender grade gap among her students at Harvard Business School. Despite her critics and shameful attacks on her and her research publicly, she intended to help empower women in the workplace, even little girls.

Let’s delve into the good, the bad and the uglies of shame.

Self-shamer

Shame is that deep, painful feeling attached to how you negatively see yourself. You identify yourself as bad, mad, flawed or less than what you ought to be. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. Here is your opportunity – embrace that you are human and experience shame or embrace the first step of the 12-step recovery program, “l am a sociopath.”

In the book Daring Greatly, Brene Brown describes shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” When you delve in deeper, Brown differentiates between guilt and shame. Guilt being “l did something bad”, shame equating to “I am bad.” Shame embodies blame, and when you step into that moment, you deflect all responsibility.

Shame can be an early warning system

Shame tells you when you have hurt someone. When you have crossed a boundary that violates a person’s dignity. It grabs your attention, and if you pause long enough, you have an opportunity to correct your behavior. I’m sure you have heard yourself in the workplace in that fleeting moment– “You are so self-centered”, “You only care about yourself and not the team”, “You took our idea and made it be your own”,  or “Sweetheart you are too big for your boots”. Sounding familiar.

The moment when foot in mouth disease kicks and the bull has charged for the red flag. In a fleeting moment, you regain your sanity, you begin to feel shame for having attacked someone you respect you have violated a person’s human dignity. Recognizing the vulnerable feelings that underpin your verbal attack, can be the catalyst to acknowledge your behavior and apologize to rebuild trust.

Shame can be used as an early warning system that you are poised to break trust and violate another’s dignity. Your self-awareness enables you to preserve trust and safeguard your relationships.

Publicly shame people out of their jobs

Think about how it plays out in the workplace. When you embrace full responsibility for your value, your attitude and beliefs then you shape your character, and you choose your behavior. When you lead by example and uplift your colleagues, the environment reflects the values.

For instance, if you saw Zoe in a team meeting speak over another person and exclude them from the conversation your response must be “Zoe, l noticed you excluded Josie from the discussion in the team meeting. I could see her feelings were hurt. I was surprised as you usually are very patient, engaging and encouraging other’s people’s viewpoints. You are an incredible advocate in everyone’s voice being heard”.

In contrast, if you were to shame Zoe the conversation would have a different flavor – “Zoe, you acted like an overbearing mother in today’s meeting. You had no respect for your colleagues. It was all about you. Given l recommended you for the manager’s position l was embarrassed for you in front of the team, and if you continue to play at that level you will shun the team, and no one will have your back”. Imagine the impact of being Zoe and experiencing shame responses time and time again.

Modulate responses

Rather than jumping on the bandwagon when an email or post comes your way, one thing you need to learn is to modulate your responses. Sometimes, it is the 30-second pause from hitting the send, post or tweet button and giving a people a chance to clarify, explain, recant or apologize privately. When you are not involved at all, maybe asking yourself – “Why do l need to jump in and magnify the response? How is that serving you? What are you getting out of it?

What if the shamed become the bullies – are you justified?

Most of the population despises racism and discrimination of all sorts. People who say indefensibly terrible things online or offline, most people want to make them accountable. The trademark of being a bully isn’t just being mean, it involves a power differential. The bully is the one who is punching down. How often you hear stories of adults who have been bullied as children and as an adult are triggered by unresolved childhood issues. Taking past events and justifying the current behavior of shaming, judgment or aggression and wanting to “teach” them a lesson. Even if you believe your bullying is serving a greater good, the fact remains that you are engaging in bullying behavior, one punch at a time.

The antithesis of shame is empathy.

When you judge people in areas that you are vulnerable to shame, you find someone to put down, judge or criticize to get out of calling attention to you. The inner critic will drive your thinking, so if you are doing worse than l am at something, l probably will be able to survive better. When you feel great about you, your weight or how you see yourself as attractive, you won’t need to be jealous of other women, draw comparisons or make snide comments. When you believe and feel you are enough, you don’t need to put others down.

Worldwide, it is time for an intervention within our culture, the digital world and within workplaces, where compassion no longer is deficient, and empathy is the driver.

Lavish Perks Are Nice But In The 21st Century Employees Are Seeking More @AngeKYoumatter

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

All the perks in the world won’t mean anything if you don’t show your employee the respect they deserve. Corporations can’t treat their people like cogs in a machine and expect them to keep coming back. Your people want evidence of mutual commitment, investment, and personal development before pledging their undying loyalty.

Business loyalty is not dead. Having said that, it is harder to earn. Loyal employees show an undying devotion to your brand, actively defend it in front of critics and socially share its virtues with friends and peers. Loyalty is deeply rooted in human behavior and plays hard to get where expectations have skyrocketed.

Attracting and retaining quality talent is a priority for all businesses. Enticing people with all the perks can work, however, once the rose water glasses are taken off, people begin to see that sometimes the benefits are a camouflage for an un-resourceful environment. The fabric of the company starts to stink.

When people are invested in their work and committed to excelling in their workplaces, company productivity improves. Gallup reminds us that happily engaged works are less likely to leave their jobs, reducing turnover-related costs. By comparison, when people are not engaged, the company’s bottom line suffers.

“The Secrets of the Happiest Companies and Employees” survey of 12,000 workers conducted by Robert Half in collaboration with Happiness Works revealed that the most significant factor affecting worker happiness is the sense of pride an employee takes in their job. People want to be appreciated, respected and build positive relationships. The human spirit is driven by engaging in meaningful work.

What is needed in the 21st century is a new view of loyalty and what it means to people and organizations. Few business leaders would deny the importance of company loyalty. Yet few believe they can achieve it. A thinking shift is required where corporations use their expertise and focus to thrive within a market and support people to access opportunities to grow. When you invest in people, they invest in your company. To breed loyalty, companies must embody the 10 principles.

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Ensuring clear and frequent communication to ensure that your people know what’s happening, decisions are transparent. Know your people’s points of pain and what makes them happy. Consider a compressed work week for your staff so that they get time off at the end of the week, consider a bonus at critical times, be flexible in someone needing a new work schedule for a period.

In 2017, a study titled “Work Redefined: A New Age” focused on what companies can do to inspire loyalty. Despite so much change, employees are looking for more stability, protection and a safeguard against disruption. If they can find it in their employer, they’ll show their appreciation through loyalty.

Never ending continuous learning

An investment in continuous training and learning including personal development training. Help your people better themselves by paying for employees to take a class unrelated to their current position, provide employees with health club memberships or enroll in a business-wide wellness program that all can take part in.

Start dating your employees

A demystification of departing employees is synonymous with not being loyal. Loyalty doesn’t mean forever. Loyalty is like dating – you can be faithful to the one you are seeing but that doesn’t mean you won’t move on to dating someone else later.

WOW me

There is a much greater payoff in working on improving the human factor than people think.  Imagine every person wearing a sign every day at work that says, “WOW me – l am important”. Soliciting feedback from all your employees and gauging the pulse of your employees is an opportunity to learn a great deal about attitudes and business outcomes. A research study presented compelling evidence that employee-loyalty-related attitudes were positively linked to performance drivers.

Raising the standards

When you raise the bar and expect greatness, people will rise to the occasion. When the bar is lowered, people will also rise to the occasion. Regular conversations about future career opportunities, recognition of great work with positive feedback and engagement for input on important decisions is critical. Spending time understanding how your employee sees their own career is pivotal in co-piloting the journey.

Giving your energy and time

Corporate social responsibility is one way to demonstrate that you and the organization care about the causes they care about. Dedicating energy and time to volunteering, product donations or collectively raising donations. YourCause, CSR software company reports that reports that engaging employees in CSR programs can reduce turnover by up to 50%.

Support alignment between career growth and organizational mission

Leaders need to help their people identify links between their own professional goals and the company’s goals. When you understand the larger business context, you can more easily define opportunities to be maximized. Direct and frequent dialogue about careers, succession planning and creating opportunities should be built in as part of everyday conversation and at times, this can lead to people parting ways as they can’t jump on the same train.

Two options only – in or out?

Buy-in is not an option, it is a responsibility. Playing on the team, buy-in is a pre-requisite and having the conversation turns the questions in a different direction. Quality question such as ‘if buy-in is something you are not willing to offer right now, what plans do you have to transition off this assignment or team?’ There are no other options.

Strength-based leadership

Leveraging people’s strengths is for the individuals and company’s good. Encouragement of people to lead conversations with their direct leaders to explore career-path possibilities, how to leverage their strengths to contribute, influence and add value, is the best way to do business. Everyone benefits.

Exercising choice

Empowering people to design their work environments based on autonomy and variety provides opportunities for people to own decisions and learn from mistakes without retribution. Loyalty is fostered when a value of freedom is embraced as people embody the opportunity to learn new skills and demonstrate how they have implemented what they have learned. The human need for recognition is real and people want the opportunity to exercise choice.

Nurturing your employees to love your business as much as you do will strengthen your company’s foundation and your business will be more likely to surpass setbacks and grow to new heights.

 

7 Ways To De-Throne The Drama Queen In The Workplace @AngeKYoumatter

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by Angela Kambouris | Featured Contributor

Like tornados, drama queens whirl through the workplace, suck the oxygen out of the air you breathe, and their strength leaves behind a huge swathe of destruction. Like emotional vampires, they zap the energy out of you in five seconds. For the drama queen, the workplace is their stage. They immerse you in crisis driven stories, exaggerate their details and inject their fangs without warning, worshipping you one minute and setting you on fire the next.

You all have that co-worker, the one who overplays every situation. Workplace drama creeps its way into all professions but that doesn’t mean it has to stay.  You may not have the co-worker because some of you are that person. Too early, too soon? Everyone does drama to some degree and when someone professes they don’t do drama at all, it’s time to give them the mirror.

Drama queens never see themselves as part of the problem

There is always someone else or something else to blame. If they look at themselves, they are the victim and immerse themselves in the attention to divert any conversations about what is really going on. Drama invites drama.

This very elite group of women and men are highly skilled in both engaging and repelling everyone around them. A selfie whilst embarking on a once in lifetime Europe trip, having your first book published or about to celebrate your wedding anniversary seems to fit within the realm of what most people would publish, however, committed drama queens capture all elements of their world, themselves and the food they eat. They obsess with looking perfect, every last detail from hair, nails, and makeup. All this preening and posing leaves little time for meaningful relationships.

They troll for allies, turn conversations into a competition and their modus operandi in drama is to feel justified. The payoff – “see, l was right”. Drama queens build bonds with people who share in their negativity – people who join in on name calling, shaming and guilting make the best companions.

Bold & The Beautiful

When on the sidelines, drama queens can be funny or fascinating. Think about the Real Hollywood Housewives, Bold and the Beautiful or Days of our Lives – hyperbole and hysteria. They catastrophize small anxieties into big disasters, cry wolf at the slightest sign of trouble to be rescued, obsess over ideas of beauty, wealth and awesomeness. Trump any good or bad fortune with a story of their own, they will throw you under the bus and very quickly will point fingers. They display theatrical shows of vulnerability to dominate conversations with personal stories and can make threats to self-harm when the spotlight slips away. They spray their chaos onto you.

Katherine Crowley, co-author of Working with You Is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work describes drama queens as people who can’t self-regulate their own emotions so when something happens, they may feel as of their world is ending. More often, it’s not.

Entitlement to attention

Everything that happens in the world will personally affect a drama queen. The one who posts on social media after a tragedy about their feelings and how it has affected them. The slightest comment or action will convert into their own personal story.

The drama queen constantly is searching for more significance in their life. In today’s digital world, fear is handed on a platter for people to consume. The drama queen, also known as the “disaster matcher” heavily invests in the sad news with an intent to amplify how they have been affected more than anyone else.

Permanent megaphone

The drama queen loves to tell anyone who will listen to their frustrations. They will roll their eyes, sigh loudly begging for someone to ask them what is wrong. If nobody engages, they will volunteer an explanation as to why they are so bothered and continue to repeat the variations of the drama to whoever will listen over the next 10 years. They will capitalize on any opportunity.

Identification of the traits of a drama queen early and taking immediate action to set clear, strong boundaries will preserve your sanity and serenity. Let me share with you tips on how to have better conversations with “queens” who drive you crazy, how to avoid behaving like them and if you need to, de-throne them.

Are you a Drama Queen?

Sometimes you need to undertake a self-assessment to determine if the drama queen is you. If there are multiple people in your life basking in drama, then the common denominator is you. Take stock and ask yourself:

  1. Do you feel important when someone immerses their neediness on you?
  2. Are you the “sanest” one in your group and this makes you feel safe and important?
  3. When you are amongst a group of people do you like to stir things up and bring the focus back to you?
  4. When you listen to a friend sharing a recent painful event, are you caught up in your own mindset thinking about your life events and what story you can share with them or how you can top that?
  5. You gain a few extra pounds and you view it as a catastrophic disaster?
  6. Are you always sharing the highs and lows of your life, convinced every detail matter to your audience?
  7. Do you describe you every day as horrible, terrible, awful, tragic in it?
  8. When something relatively minor happens or doesn’t go your way, do you ensure that everyone within earshot knows about it at that moment or one week, 2 months or 1 year later you continue to ruminate how unjust the world can be?

If there is a resounding yes to any of these questions, you may want to hit the pause button and re-evaluate your level of importance when it comes to any type of relationship. Every human being wants to feel valued but when the scales tip over and your need for attention outweighs your need for healthy relationships, it’s time to edit the story.

Invest in you

One of the greatest ways to drop your inner drama queen is to practice personal solitude. Rather than walk the easy path of external distractions, take the path less traveled. Crowley suggests practicing “physically unhooking” by finding the best ways for you to release the tension the drama queens create. Go for a walk, practice yoga, allocate time to meditate to support you to be grounded and come back to your center.

Get her to become an observer

As a leader, interrupt the dynamic to move the conversation along. When in conversation suggest the drama queen alter their physical space. For instance, if she was sitting on a chair in the office ask her to move the chair to the furthest point in the office and face a different view. As her to look at the wall as though it is a TV screen and she is watching the last event being played out. Ask them to describe what happened in a detached manner. If stuck from detaching, move the chair even further away until watching as a curious observer.

Focus on the facts, not story

When you focus on the facts you are better equipped to manage the situation more effectively. Drama queens will tap into their overactive imaginations and you will hear things like, “she thinks this and that about me” as if they are a mind reader or “I have this gut feeling”. Continual reinforcement of bringing them back to the facts will either create a shift in thinking or they will move on to the next person.

Knock off a drama queen’s crown

Office drama queens need to be dethroned. Most people thrive on drama because they believe in their drama and think the problem is outside of them. When engaged with a drama queen, boundaries are imperative. When they begin to vent, establish the fact that you can no longer take part in the drama. You will need to lead by example.

Invest in how can l help?

Workplace conflict about insignificant details wastes time if the project goal or bigger picture has been embraced. Rolling eyes about a deadline or requested revisions set a bad example for others on a team. Drama erupts when groups waste time arguing about what can’t be done. Instead, make it happen.

Stop rewarding the behavior

When you engage in discussion, even passive listening when the dirt is being dished about others, you reinforce the drama venting. If you rescue them or take their accusation personally, you have entered the web. Setting boundaries and standard about what you will tolerate gives the drama queen a clear message. Tell the truth and tell them that “the venting doesn’t work for you”. You set the standard about how you want to be treated and what you tolerate.

Short-circuit a quest for attention and put responsibility back where it should be. Make a suggestion but don’t fix the problem. You don’t want to build a co-dependent relationship, rather empower queens to find solutions on their own.