Anne Day | She Owns It

Do you feel good enough? by Anne Day of @companyofwomen

March 10, 2017 by Anne Day Leave a Comment

by Anne Day

You’d be surprised at how many women don’t.

For the last three years I have been immersed in co-authoring a book on why women don’t feel good enough and what we can do about it.

It all started after a retreat with a group of high-functioning business owners who, after scoping out their plans for the next ten years, felt they wouldn’t achieve their goals because they weren’t good enough. They didn’t deserve success.

I was shocked. Outwardly they appeared to have their act together, but behind their masks they seemed riddled with self-doubt. Who knew?

Together with Amy Vodarek, a leadership coach, we embarked on a quest to find out why and how these feelings of inadequacy could be changed. Little did we know it would take us on a three-year journey as we talked to women and learned more about this hidden epidemic.

And we weren’t immune either. There were times when we truly questioned ourselves – who were we to be writing this book? Who did we think we were?
But we hung in there and next month we will be launching our book Good Enough.

We connected with over 350 women through one-on-one interviews, focus groups and an extensive survey. The results were startling in that over 80 percent suffered from self-doubt in one form or another.

Why? Overwhelm was a biggie. You just have to reflect on the pace of life these days; the amount women have to juggle as they climb the corporate ladder, and manage on the home front too. It is little wonder that many women feel inadequate. “ When I am at work, I am thinking about my kids, and then when I am at home, I am worrying about something at work. I feel constantly torn and not 100 percent there for anyone.” shared Annette, a business owner.

Trying to please everyone added even more pressure, and often women said yes to one more task, when in reality they weren’t managing what they already had on their plate.

Feeling judged was another major factor. And frequently the biggest culprit was ourselves. We are our own biggest critic. We compare ourselves to others and we believe we don’t measure up favourably.

Some of our self-doubt is buried and rooted in the past: a rocky childhood, dysfunctional family dynamics, challenges at school or work, abusive relationships. Needless to say, self-doubt cannot be quickly fixed.

Life situations like divorce, death of a family member, or illness can drastically impact how we feel about ourselves too. We may be managing, treading water and staying afloat, when whoosh a big wave comes along and suddenly we are not coping. Not coping at all. And this is understandable, especially when we’re close to the edge already.

By the time we’d finished gathering information, we were looking at a gloomy picture, but we knew there had to be a different way to manage. Throughout the book we have shared the stories we heard, some were gut wrenching, and the women’s courage is to be applauded. Through the stories we learn we are not alone.

So what can you do? Self-awareness is key to moving forward and so we’ve included thought-provoking questions for you to ask yourself, as well as strategies to help you take small steps towards the life you want, desire and deserve.

As one woman shared, “When women come together and expose their flaws,
share their vulnerabilities, beautiful things happen.”

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Anne Day is the founder of Company of Women, and author/editor of five books on women and entrepreneurship. Published by Full Circle Publishing, Good Enough. Embrace who you are. Unleash your brilliance. By Anne Day and Amy Vodarek will be launched Spring, 2017

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Anne Day

Why? It’s a good question to ask yourself. by Anne Day of @companyofwomen

July 13, 2016 by Anne Day Leave a Comment

by Anne Day

What is frequently the first question we ask when faced with a challenge. – As in what is the problem and how can we solve it? Many of us are quite pragmatic and just want to get the challenge solved and move on.

But at a recent workshop, I learned that perhaps this wasn’t the best way to tackle problems. While I was asking the right questions, I was doing so in the wrong order.

Instead of asking what the problem was, I need to go back and ask myself why. Why is it a problem? By probing into the why, I learn more and can generate more solutions on what to do next. The order, explained the instructor, should be why, how and then what.

To demonstrate how this works, we walked through a couple of situations, one where there was an employee that was under-performing. When we walked through our usual way of solving problems, when we asked what – the answer was that the employee was under-performing and after weighing up the odds, it was decided to let the person go.

But when we took a step back and first asked why, to which the answer was that this person’s performance was creating delays in product delivery and impacting morale within the team – the answer became even clearer – he had to go.

While the end result was the same, you could see how when you ask why, you got to the big picture and it became much easier to make and rationalize that tough decision.

It struck me that we maybe need to ask why more often, because when we know our why, it becomes easier to stay on track. Why do we want to explore a certain business avenue? Why do we want to write a book? Why are we procrastinating on getting something done or starting a new program?

I throw this last one in because in asking why we are procrastinating, we can dig deeper on what is holding us back. One answer may well be that we really don’t want to do it, and if that is the case – then don’t. Take it off your to-do list.

I remember years ago being super-hesitant about getting involved in social media. As far as I was concerned the jury was still out on whether this was an effective way to market your business, so I procrastinated on entering this particular arena.

Clearly I changed my mind, but at the time I was making all sorts of excuses – mainly that I didn’t have time. Until you see the merit of taking on something new, or you can get over your fear of stepping out of your comfort zone, nothing happens. Perhaps if I’d asked myself why, I would have stepped off the fence and started earlier

If you are hesitating on a decision, ask the question why. It may lead you to the real reason and then you can move forward or not, but you do so having thought through the implications.

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Anne Day is the editor of One Red Lipstick, a book which shares stores of 24 women entrepreneurs from across North America. The book comes out March 8, International Women’s Day – check www.oneredlipstick.com and is available on www.amazon.ca.

Anne Day

Not everyone is going to like you… by @companyofwomen

January 25, 2016 by Anne Day 7 Comments

by Anne Day

Hard to believe isn’t it? But that’s what my friend was telling me, and while I know she’s right, it’s a hard pill to swallow.

Yet, always the pleaser, like many women, I know that need to be liked has led me down a path that I didn’t necessarily want to travel. Because when you are anxious that everyone likes you, this can happen:

• You don’t say what you really, really think
• You agree to do something that doesn’t necessarily sit well with you
• You don’t speak up when you feel strongly about an issue for fear of alienating people
• You find yourself making overtures to or being with people you don’t actually like
• You waste energy and time trying to please everyone, rather than yourself.

Does any of this sound like you? The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. I’ve found as I’ve gotten older that I am a lot more outspoken. Part of it I am sure comes from confidence but it’s also a desire to be more authentic.

I value my time and don’t want to waste it on an activity that doesn’t resonate with me or where my contribution isn’t valued or respected, which means I can, and do, sometimes walk away from opportunities.

You could say that this is not a way to win friends and influence people, but being “nice” and tolerating time-wasters just doesn’t cut it for me anymore.

As a pleaser, I’ve often gone to great lengths to patch up difficulties, to diffuse difficult situations, but sometimes that doesn’t work and learning to walk away or agree to disagree is not always easy, but in reality that’s the best that can be done.

Letting go of that need to be liked by everyone is freeing and it can enable you to be more yourself – warts and all. It allows you to become more real and removes that need to be perfect all the time. Newsflash – that’s not possible.

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses helps diffuse the damage that can be done when someone hurls criticisms or attacks you personally.

Let’s face it, when you peel away the anger wrapped around the comments, there may well be a kernel of truth in what is said. It hurts less when you know that and if you are open, you can learn and grow.

But don’t stew over it either as that can be another downward spiral that can eat away at your esteem and energy. Far better to take note, learn from the experience and move on.

I know, easier said than done. That’s when you need that honest friend who will tell you to snap out of it, get over yourself and move on. We all need a friend who will perform this vital service – someone who knows you and yes, does still like you.

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

But she found working for yourself can be isolating and so eleven years ago she started Company of Women as a way to connect and support women entrepreneurs. Today the organization has six chapters across the GTA and beyond, and over 300 members. In 2009 she received the Entrepreneur of the Year Award in Oakville and the TIAW World of Difference award for her work in supporting women internationally. Over the years she has helped thousands of women grow professionally and personally through her programs, services and personal encouragement.

She is the author of three books, the most recent being Day by Day – Tales of business,life and everything in between. She is a regular business columnist with Huffington Post, and blogs for numerous other publications.

Anne Day

Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude by @companyofwomen

June 3, 2015 by Anne Day Leave a Comment

by Anne Day | Featured Contributor

A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You don’t get anywhere until you change it.”

How true. Taking this quote literally, I have had both a flat tire and burst tire on the Highway. Each time it was a scary experience, especially the burst tire, because it happened all of a sudden. Whereas with the flat tire, I sort of knew something was wrong, but I ignored it.

Now I always drive on the outside lane for that reason, which if we were taking this analogy to relate to your business, would indicate that I like to be able to adjust quickly if necessary. Although you could also read it that I play it safe and don’t take risks or speed on the fast lane.

Personally I prefer my first definition because it speaks to how you have to be prepared to change on a dime if you want to seize an opportunity or be responsive to your customers.
It also means you are open to changing route.

As for the attitude piece, well yes. If you are demanding, aggressive or unreasonable it is much harder to win people over. In fact, it is a real turn off and in our fast-moving world, you don’t always get the second chance to reverse someone’s first opinion of you. So you don’t want to blow it.

I also think being pleasant applies to everyone, not just potential clients, but the wait staff who serve you in a restaurant, or the girl at the check out. Many a time I have witnessed boorish behavior as someone demands a certain seat, or what he wants isn’t available. It’s SO not necessary. No one deserves to be on the receiving end of your bad attitude.

Contrary to your opinion, it is not all about you, and at the end of the day, while your bad behavior may mean you win the moment, but in the long term, you lose. Big time.

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

Anne Day

Take Care When You Share Your Story by @companyofwomen

April 21, 2015 by Anne Day 2 Comments

Photo Credit: Ewan McIntosh via Compfight cc

by Anne Day | Featured Contributor

Much is written these days about storytelling as a way to make yourself or your business stand out, and it is a strategy that I strongly recommend. Yet I have witnessed ways how, as a speaker, it can backfire on you and instead of winning over your audience, can alienate the people listening to your talk. How?

As a society, women in particular, are not comfortable with “tooting our own horn” and so when someone appears to be bragging about their achievements, it is not always well received and those listening are skeptical and frankly, dismissive and annoyed by what that person has to say. This is too bad.

From my take, the speaker’s intention is often much more altruistic and it is more that they are using their stories as a way to empower others to follow their example. In other words, they are sharing, not to brag about what they have achieved but more to illustrate how their actions have worked for them, and could for you too.

It’s too bad their motives are misinterpreted, because when we take this cynical attitude, we close off our receptiveness to learn and grow. Perhaps part of it depends on the self-esteem of the individual listening, and their comfort at what they have been doing, or more to the point, not doing.
So how can we change this reaction?

Part of it is timing. To list all that you have achieved or what you have done, may not be a helpful strategy as it does lay you open to criticism. Whereas if the illustrations are spaced out, with stories to showcase each point, followed by tips on how people can achieve the same results, then the audience may be less inclined to form a poor opinion of the speaker and be more receptive to the ideas put forward.

Part of it, I think, is when the focus is on the speaker and her achievements, without any learning opportunities intertwined with the observations, people assume, rightly or wrongly, that the speaker is somewhat self-absorbed and the talk is all about him or her.

Yet showcasing what works is such an effective way to convey best practices. I guess it is all a fine line, and perhaps, as speakers, we have to ask ourselves about our motives in giving a talk in the first place. Are we doing this to project ourselves as experts and leaders, or are we more interested in helping others learn and be their best? Likely, the answer is both, because ego always has a way of sneaking in and perhaps that is what has to be dropped from this equation.

As someone who has heard and used hundreds of speakers over the years, and starting to speak myself, I am a keen observer on what works, and what doesn’t. Of course the other piece to remember is that you can never please everyone.

So often I would look at evaluation forms after an event, and question whether these people had been at the same event, as some would highly rate the speaker, while others felt she shouldn’t give up her day job.

At the end of the day, I believe as a speaker you need to know your audience, learn what will work for them, and then deliver. Forget about yourself and focus your energies on helping your audience learn, grow and yes, laugh, from what you have to say. When that happens, it is pure joy and you’ve done your job well.

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

Anne Day

Do you have what it takes? by @companyofwomen

March 6, 2015 by Anne Day 1 Comment

by Anne Day | Featured Contributor

Do you have a business idea bubbling up inside of you, but are not sure where to start, or even if you should take this leap into the unknown?

It is an exciting and scary time. One of the first questions to ask yourself is if you have what it takes to be an entrepreneur, because it is not for the faint of heart and not everyone can make a go of it.

Here’s some questions to ask yourself:

1. Are you comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty? There will be times in the life of your business when nothing is happening; business is slow and you are not sure if you can pay your bills. Be sure that you can live with this pressure cooker existence. It can be feast or famine, so you also want to save while you are getting the sales.

2. Do you have enough money set aside to bankroll your first six months? I ask this question, because as you will have gleaned from the first point, you may well need it. Apart from your business expenses, you will still have your day-to-day living costs to pay. Whenever you are doing anything for the first time, it takes longer than you think.

3. Why do you want to start a business? Often people, especially women, start a business because they want more control over their time and to achieve work-life balance. Be clear on why you want to do this. While you do have more control over your time, you need to be prepared to put in long hours, which yes, can be worked around your family, but bottom line, it is hard work

4. Are you a follower or a leader? Ask yourself what your role has been in the past. Are you someone used to giving instructions, coming up with ideas or are you someone who has been told what to do and then carried it out? When you start a business, often it is just you, so you have to be prepared to do everything and think it through for yourself.

5. Have you done your homework? Is there a need for what you want to do? It is important to check out your competition and the marketplace to see if what you want to do is viable. Do you have the expertise to package and sell yourself if you are becoming a consultant, for example?

6. Are your family supportive? While it is not essential that they are behind you, it sure helps if they believe in you and want you to succeed. It makes for a tougher journey if they think you are wasting your time or are constantly asking when you are going to make some money.

7. Are you realistic on what you can earn? Talking of money, I often find newbies are unrealistic about what they can earn in the first couple of years. It takes time to build a business, so unless you have a great get-rich plan, expect to see more money going out than coming in for the first year at least.

8. How well connected are you? If you are continuing to work in the same industry, be sure to keep in touch with those who can help you grow your business and perhaps give you some contracts, because they know the quality of your work. If you are entering a new industry to you, learn as much as you can. Join the industry association and start networking fast so you can build your connections.

9. How committed are you to your business idea? I’ve often found that the initial idea changes and evolves as the new entrepreneur learns more about the sector and what works, and what doesn’t. Being flexible enables you to adapt and grow as your business does.

I hope I haven’t put you off, but more caused you to reflect on why you want to embark on self-employment and entrepreneurship. Without doubt, it is one of the most rewarding journeys you can take. And one, I don’t regret it at all.

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

Anne Day

Who’s Running Your Business? You Or Your Competition? by @companyofwomen

February 3, 2015 by Anne Day 1 Comment

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by Anne Day | Featured Contributor

When you are developing your business plan, there’s this whole section on the competition – who they are, what they do and what makes your offer different and of course, unique and special.

This market research is actually a good exercise to undertake and certainly as your business evolves, you can’t take your eye off the ball – you still need to know what your competitors are up to. However it can be a fine line.

I always remember a successful entrepreneur sharing her story of how as the “David” in her industry, she ended up taking over “Goliath” because he was so busy watching what she was doing (and trying to undermine her every step of the way) that he forgot to pay attention to what was happening in his own business, and it was tanking. End result? She took it over.

I know for myself when I started Company of Women I was the only game in town, but fast forward twelve years, and a plethora of groups for women have started. Some have come and gone, but I am sure there will be just as many new ones on the horizon.

So I keep a watchful eye on what they are offering and try not to clash date-wise with their plans and sometimes, we’ve partnered and worked together. But I find it interesting to observe how the others behave.

I guess you could say all is fair game in business. And maybe I’m just old school, but I wouldn’t, for example, dream of soliciting their members and these days with the anti-spam law in effect, they need to be careful.

With more and more women starting businesses, I prefer an abundance approach and given that each group offers something unique to its members, there are more than enough people out there looking for support. How much they will pay for it, is perhaps more the deciding factor.

Where it becomes dangerous is when you let your plans be dictated by what the competition is doing. They make a special offer and you feel you need to as well. They announce registration starts on a certain date, and you feel compelled to get your stuff ready earlier, just to be first to market.

Not a good idea. Trust me, I have been tempted to do all of the above, but fact is, your energy and time needs to be spent on what you want to do in YOUR business, not letting someone else’s business call the tune.

Launching your product ahead of your schedule just to be first out the gate, may backfire on you. Perhaps you’re not ready and not all the pieces or processes are lined up and running efficiently. You could be setting your business up to fail.

No, much better to make a plan and work on your own timelines, than have someone else’s schedule dictate what and when you do what you have to do. The key is to stay strong and focused on YOUR vision, YOUR plans and YOUR ideas because then you can honestly take credit for the success of your business.

As I am learning, the competition will always be there – oh, it will be different players – but bottom line, I believe in what we are doing and why we are doing it. We are making a difference in the lives of women – and that, at the end of the day, is what matters.

What about you? How much do your competitors influence what you do? Do you care or are you too busy managing your own stuff?

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

Anne Day

Make It The People Who Count, Not The Money by @companyofwomen

January 7, 2015 by Anne Day 3 Comments

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by Anne Day | Featured Contributor

Change your focus from making money to serving more people. Serving more people makes the money come in.”
Robert Kiyosaki

So often we get caught up in the numbers game – be it number of sales or number of people attending an event or number of members. But when we do that, we run the risk of diminishing what we are offering as our focus is on the money, not on the customers.

And people can pick up when you are treating them just like a meal ticket. I am sure we have all been in situations when we’ve felt nickel and dimed or treated shabbily. It doesn’t feel good and you leave feeling somewhat disillusioned and disappointed. Yes, we have to keep an eye on the bottom line, but when that is all you focus on, to the detriment of fostering meaningful relationships, then I suspect your business suffers.

I was reminded of this when we had ten people registered for a lunch meeting. “Only ten women,” I thought to myself and I questioned whether we should cancel or not. I am so glad we didn’t, because the right ten people were there, and they rallied around one of the women who needed a boost, and who received encouragement and support from the others.

She left with her head held high and the other women also had a bounce to their steps because they knew they’d made her day and had made a difference. I believe that is what it is all about, not the number of participants, not the money made, but helping each other.

It served to remind me of why I started Company of Women in the first place and was a lesson I needed to learn that day. Sometimes we can wander off track and get caught up in the chase for the all-mighty dollar, but when you are genuine, honest and care, I have to believe that others pick up on your authenticity, and your business benefits, and in turn so does your bottom line.

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

Anne Day

Forget The New Year Resolutions, Just Pick 3 Words To Live Your Life By via @companyofwomen

December 5, 2014 by Anne Day 1 Comment

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by Anne Day | Featured Contributor

How many of you make New Year Resolutions each year – you know the ones – lose weight, exercise more or eat sensibly? And how long do they last? Experts say around six weeks. In January there’s this flurry to join the local gym and then it tapers off, as the urge to get fit wanes.

What I have done for the past three years, is instead of the resolutions, I come up with three words that I want to live my life by and I focus my energies on them. The first year it was health, acceptance and authenticity. Then it was energy, creativity and connectivity, and last year I chose courage, curiosity and collaboration.

Before picking the words, I’d reflect back on what I had needed more of during the past year and then consider what is going to happen in the year ahead. And for the most part it has worked for me, as it makes me focus.

For example, I chose courage because I’d decided I was going to do more public speaking, and I have. While I still get butterflies in the stomach, with each presentation I give, I become closer to being comfortable talking in front of an audience.

The word curiosity was picked because I am (and still am) researching and writing a book with Amy Hunter about why women don’t feel good enough, and what we can do about it. Over the year we have connected with over 350 women as part of our research and our challenge now is to synthesize what we have learned into a practical, meaningful book.

As for collaboration, I recognized that in order to be more successful in what I offered, it was important to work with others who have similar goals or work with similar audiences. I way, way prefer working in partnership with others as you gain their wisdom and input, and end up with a much better result.

So what am I picking for next year. I’ve actually been struggling with that one as it is hard to narrow it down to three words. But here you go – Bold, Balance, Book.

Why bold? I have decided that 2015 is the year I become comfortable with all things technical, and I learn how it works, use it and start delivering my message through webinars, video and podcasts. There, I have put it in writing for the world to see. Guess that will make me deliver☺

I don’t actually believe in work-life balance. I think you can have it all, just not at the same time. However…. I know I need to build more “me” time into my schedule. Get rid of the guilt, and do stuff that is just for me and that I enjoy, instead of eating me up, physically and spiritually. So balance kind of encompasses that.

The book – well for obvious reasons, Amy and I need to get it written and out there. Our focus will be on getting down on paper all the stories we heard, the advice we gleaned and ways for us all to move forward. Plus it’s a B and I like alliteration.

Got you thinking? What words would you choose? I really recommend this approach, it is so much more effective than writing down those same old, same old resolutions each year.

Change your approach. Choose your words carefully and create the year you want for yourself.

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

Anne Day

What’s your recipe for success? by @companyofwomen

November 26, 2014 by Anne Day 3 Comments

by Anne Day | Featured Contributor

What kind of cook are you? Do you follow the recipe to the letter of the law or do you improvise, chucking in a cup of this, a sprinkle of that? I have to confess I am the latter, and living in the country now, it is just as well, as you sure learn to be flexible when it is a half-an-hour drive to the nearest grocery store if you’ve forgotten an ingredient.

I was watching a “foodie” being interviewed recently and she made an interesting observation in that she believed people today want that quick fix, that quick recipe that will mean the perfect meal. And because of that, they don’t deviate from what the recipe says, they stick to it and measure everything. Now this, she pointed out, doesn’t guarantee that the result will be perfect.

She admitted she used to cook like that. Intensely reading about every ingredient, ensuring she stuck to what she was told to do, but now she doesn’t. She’s decided that food actually becomes more interesting when you tinker with recipes, substitute ingredients, because as she’s observed, life is like that too. Sometimes when we stray off the prescribed course, we gain so much more. For her the journey is more important than the destination, because you could change your mind about where you want to end up.

Think about your business. Have you found the recipe for success? Often people are so focused on their end goal, that they put on blinkers, and truly miss the side trips along the way, that yes, may take them a bit off track, but the scenic route can also lead to unexpected opportunities and could in fact, change your end destination. When you are so driven to succeed, you are often less willing to go off course, to take risks that could in the end, get you there faster.

I guess I am consistent. I run my business the same way as I cook. I am always changing up the ingredients; I take a handful of this and mix it with that, because that’s what keeps it interesting – both at work and in the kitchen.

When you get complacent and keep doing the same old, same old, because everyone liked it in the past, you can learn the hard way that folks are bored and want something different. It’s a bit like when my kids were little and I would latch on to something they liked for lunch, I would go overboard and send them off with the same item every day, until they complained and were sick of it.

Likewise in business, you need to listen to your clients and be prepared to mix it up. Their needs change, and so what you offer needs to change too. And the focus should be on what they want, not what you want to offer. Unlike my daughters, they could choose to take their business elsewhere, without a word to you as to why. The girls on the other hand, were quite vocal.

I remember a friend asking me for my recipe for turkey soup. She’s one of your “by the book” types, and was shocked when I explained that I literally threw in whatever was sitting in the fridge and that I hardly ever measured anything. At best, I could share the core ingredients, but that was it.

In business you need some core elements too, but there are also so many variables. The audience will always be different, so you need to have the flexibility to switch it up to suit all tastes.

But I will let you in on a secret – it was the red lentils that made the soup zing. What makes your business zing? What’s your secret ingredient? Whatever it it, make sure you use it to your advantage.

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Anne Day has had a somewhat eclectic career from heading up several charities, to being the editor of a national parenting magazine, to working for government and then launching her own business.

Anne Day