She Owns It

Celebrating, Connecting, and Supporting Women Entrepreneurs

Disposable Friends by @Barbclifford

by Leave a Comment

by Barbara Clifford | Featured Contributor

Professional Organizers are often engaged by individuals to eradicate clutter. For many people, they have to deal with wardrobe clutter, an overabundant and overabundant supply of clothing.  Clutter can also exist in our kitchen or in our office.

The Professional Organizer will instruct the client to pick up a utensil, document or piece of clothing and ask themselves these 3 questions.

1. Have I used this, read this, worn this in the last 12 months?

If not, then why are you hanging onto it? Is it for sentimental reasons? Often we hold things because we are afraid of losing the memory, we like the feelings and memories it revokes by holding the item in our hand. Yet, the memories are there, and we recall what is of value to us. Somethings are okay to let go.

It’s easy to collect too many kitchen appliances or utensils that we rarely or never use, thinking they were a good idea at the time. These days, many tools and appliances can easily be replaced pretty much with loose change (I bought a toaster for $15 the other day).

2. Can I easily replace it if I need to?

When it comes to documents, you need only ask yourself: “Can I find this on google if I need to?” It’s highly likely, and in fact, on google it’s more like to be up to date and current.  Or can the document be scanned and preserved digitally.

3. Does it serve me (how does it make me feel)?

This is probably the most important question of all.

When you wear a piece of clothing, do you feel good in it? Does it fit you well, does it feel comfortable, do you feel confident in it?
Now ask yourself similar questions about your friendships or your work.  When you are in the company of your friends do you feel good, to you feel comfortable, relaxed and confident?

When you are at work, does it serve you? Does it fulfil your values, sustain you, energise you? Do you feel comfortable and confident?

There are many times in our lives when we have to end a relationship. Not just romantic relationships but our attachments and relationships with many things. Sometimes you need to end the relationship with those pants you wore (and could fit into) when you were 18. That time has passed and you need to say to those pants “Goodbye. Our time is done here. It’s time to end this relationship and break up.”

We might leave a job, we might leave town, or change suburbs. We might downsize from a family home, move out of home or simply sell a house.

We might end a romantic relationship, we might end a friendship.

All things will eventually come to an end. There is a Buddhist philosophy that nothing is permanent, we ourselves will return to dust. They refer to it as suffering, but it is more about the ending and letting go of things for the rebirth of something new.  Because we change, we age, our body shapes change, we mature, it is often not worthwhile to hang onto old clothes. Sometimes, too, it is not worthwhile hanging onto old friendships.

It’s okay to ask, “Does this serve me?” when it comes to a friendship. All relationships need to be two way. Do you get back what you give out? Does the friendship return an equal proportion of value to the contribution that you make?

You are still in this friendship, you’re still in the job, you’re still living in the house and you’re still holding that shirt in your wardrobe, but does it serve you? When was the last time you wore it, did it make you feel good and do you feel good in the process?

When you have doubts about any of your relationships, connections or possessions, simply ask yourself “Does this serve me?”.

Save

De-Cluttering Will Save Your Life – Or At Least Your Sanity by @valjonescoach

by 2 Comments

De-Cluttering Will Save Your Life – Or At Least Your Sanity

by Valerie Jones | Featured Contributor

“The best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t.” -Marie Kondo

I recently moved. Again.

I think I have a problem, actually. I’ve moved 22 times in the last 28 years. That’s a lot, people! I’m really hoping I stay put this time, at least long enough to unpack all the boxes. Right now, though, there are boxes everywhere, taunting me as I walk past, with their undisclosed contents waiting to be dealt with. I try to ignore them, knowing that I’ll get around to unpacking soon. But it’s not easy. Especially when I trip over them on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

All this upheaval got me thinking about clutter. I downsized a lot when I moved, but there’s still So. Much. Stuff. Who needs all this stuff? Why do we carry around all this stuff from place to place, only to have it still sitting in a box years later, untouched and unneeded? Do I really need two mixers? My high school yearbooks? A quilt I started making when I was 16 and never finished?

There’s a lot of talk these days about de-cluttering. It’s become a bit of a buzzword, thanks to Marie Kondo’s book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. She’s made it cool to tidy and organize, and the internet is awash with ideas and tips on organizing your home.

I love an organized home. When my surroundings are clean, tidy and clutter free, it’s like an emotional weight has lifted. I feel physically lighter. My mood is happier. I have more mental space.

We’ve all heard that a cluttered house is the sign of a cluttered mind, right? That our exterior environment reflects our interior peace? The opposite is true, also. Clean up your surroundings and your inner life will benefit. They go hand in hand.

Oprah Winfrey once said, “I believe if you invite someone to your home, you invite them to yourself.”

So if I invited you to my home today, here’s what you might notice about me:

-I am in the middle of massive change

-I am weighed down by excess baggage

-I am in a state of distraction, overwhelm, and stress

-I love coffee and red wine

-I am aware that this is just a season, and that I am actively working towards a simpler, more peaceful existence.

If you invited me to your home today, what might I notice about you?

Take a look around your environment, either your home or your office. What do you notice? Is it orderly, tidy, and clean? Would you be able to quickly and easily find anything you needed? Or is it chaos, confusion, and clutter?

The important thing to remember is this: We are all on a journey towards our best selves. If you are living in a two bedroom apartment with two kids and a dog, and your home is overflowing with sippy cups and Lego, understand that you are in a season where tidiness and organization will not be your top priority. Getting down on the floor and playing with your child is more important than having a spotless house. Perhaps, though, you could do just one thing a day that would help you to feel a bit more organized and lighter. Organize your sock drawer when the kids are napping. Get them to help you tidy the playroom. Or – here’s one that I used when my kids were little – clean the fridge, but only one shelf a day. One shelf will take about ten minutes, and by the end of the week, voila! Clean fridge!

My point is, we can take anything too far and allow it to consume us. The last thing we need is guilt about not being organized, right? That’s not what this is about. And if you are feeling guilt because your home is cluttered, stop right now, and don’t do a thing! There are too many people women out there obsessing about needing to have a spotless, perfect home. Don’t let yourself fall into that trap. It’s a false sense of control that never works.

What does work, and it’s what Marie Kondo is getting at in her book, is when you do it from a place of desire (not because you want to impress your friends). Desire for a simple, beautiful life that brings you peace and joy. A home that sings to you and inspires you. Everything in it is there because it serves a purpose, whether that purpose is to serve you or to inspire you.

That’s what I want! I want a home that sings to me when I walk in the door! I want to feel inspired when I look around, and I want to feel the inner peace and calm that comes from a clutter free home.

It’s gonna take me awhile to get there. Life is busy, and kids and dogs just generate MESS.

That’s okay with me though.

One day at a time, one corner of one room at a time. Just like everything else in life, change doesn’t happen overnight. It requires consistency, intention, and persistence.

What do you want your home to say about you? Take a look around, and, with great compassion and gentleness with yourself, notice what you see. Really look. Consider that what you see around you might be a reflection of what is going on within.

What needs to change? Make a list of areas of your home that need some TLC. Create a plan of action and execute. Make small, manageable steps towards your goal, and before you know it, your home will begin to sing, and you will feel lighter, freer and more energetic.

————————————————————

Valerie JonesValerie Jones is a Life & Transition Coach. She is passionate about helping women create the lives they’ve always wanted – not the lives they think they ‘should’ be living, but a genuine, authentic life that is a full expression of their birthright.  She brings humour, compassion and wisdom to her coaching and to her writing, and creates a safe space for others to express their truth. She is also a corporate coach, working with the United Nations and eBay.  She lives in British Columbia, Canada, and has three amazing children who are bridging into adulthood, which is a whole new ball game as a parent. Valerie loves good red wine and travelling whenever and wherever the opportunity arises.
You can connect with Valerie on social media here: Facebook | Twitter | Instagram

What You Lose When You Buy Something on Sale by @cluttershrink

by Leave a Comment

The True Cost of Sale Itemsby Crystal Sabalaske | Featured Contributor 

Most of us get a short burst of adrenaline when we snatch up a bargain. So many of us even brag about how little we paid for coveted items. We respond to compliments with, “Thanks. I can’t believe I only paid $10 for this designer sweater.” Have you ever found yourself texting a picture of your fabulous find to a friend because you want her to share in your excitement too?

Sale items are often impulse buys. According to the Impulse Shopping Fact sheet, “88% of all impulse purchases are made because an item is on sale.” We walk out of the store with a bag in hand doing our mental math, smiling to ourselves and calculating our savings.

Are we really saving though? Are the items we’re buying on sale things we even need? If we don’t need them in the first place, wouldn’t we all be better off financially if we just didn’t buy them at all?

Don’t worry. I’m not judging. I’m a sucker for a good sale just like the rest of us, but I think my job as a professional organizer has given me a different perspective on how and why sale items often cost us more. More what, you ask? More time, more space and certainly more money.

How does something you buy on sale end up costing you so much more?

Sale items often cost us more because they lead to other purchases. Most of these purchases are also impulse purchases. We figure we save so much money on the sale item that we have a little extra to spend on something else. Perhaps that extra something is a $4 beverage with a jolt of caffeine. Maybe it’s the same item in a different color. The thrill of the find often results in a quest to find more bargains. The next thing we know, we’re walking lopsided in the mall suffering with back pain due to the weight of our shopping bags. Sale items = more money spent.

When you eventually make it home, you’re faced with the task of where to put all of your new purchases. It’s time to make space, and if you’re like most of my clients, storage space is something you really wish you could find on sale. I can’t even count the number of times a client has said to me, “I have to keep that. I got it on sale.” or “Do you know how much that would have been if I paid full price? I’ll never find it on sale again.” At least 60% of the time though, the sale items are in unopened boxes or still have price tags on them, probably because the items were never needed in the first place. Sale items often cause storage problems. Overcrowded storage often leads to misplaced or damaged items. When you can’t find or access what you have, that’s when you’re more likely to buy duplicate items, and there you are, spending even more money – again. Sale items = more required storage space.

If you bring things into your home, you then have to take care of them. If they’re clothes, you wash them. If they’re decorative items, you dust them. Electronics, small appliances and exercise equipment all require maintenance and cleaning too. When you buy any item, you may feel like you’re giving yourself a gift, but what you’re really giving yourself is another job. The less you have, the less you have to maintain. That’s why you’ll rarely hear a minimalist telling you that she is spending her weekend cleaning out the garage. Sale items = more time required for maintenance.

I’m all about finding a great price on something I need, but after organizing for others for 13 years, I have seen the financial, physical, and emotional toll that too much stuff can have on people.

“I have too many items I bought on sale” is a common common theme for most of the clients with whom I work. If you stop to evaluate how sale items continuously drain financial, space and time resources, it’s easy to see how they often cost us much more than we ever anticipate when we take out our wallets to make a purchase.

—————————————————————————–

Crystal SabalaskeCrystal Sabalaske, professional organizer and owner of Cluttershrink, has been helping people get organized in their homes and offices since 2002. She has appeared on several episodes of HGTV’s series, Mission: Organization, and her organizing tips have appeared in national publications such as Family Fun, Parents, and Women’s Health magazines.

Crystal’s philosophy about organizing involves making simple changes based on an individual’s needs at work and at home. While she is committed to getting job done, she’s not at all serious and tries infuse the process of organizing with a little bit of fun.

Being organized saves time, money, and relationships, and when you maximize the potential in those aspects of your life, you have more time to focus on doing things that truly make you happy. For Crystal, those activities involve singing, reading, taking walks, spending time with her family, making up twisted tunes, brainstorming about her next business idea, and drinking iced tea.

In addition to hands-on home and office organizing, Crystal shares her passion for organizing by offering virtual coaching for individuals and workshops for business and social groups. She also offers relocation organizing services and thinks that after moving 18 times, she knows what it takes to get the job done right. If you really want to get Crystal fired up, just ask her to speak about organizing your kitchen for food allergies. She helps her family manage 19 of them!

Crystal is always enthusiastic to share organizing tips and strategies via Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Google+ and LinkedIn.

What Feels Right to You? by @MelindaMassie

by Leave a Comment

What Feels Right for You-

by Melinda Massie | Featured Contributor

As a professional organizer, I see a LOT of great organizing information. Between friends, family and clients who share their experiences through social media, people who send articles to me, and my own research, there’s a MASSIVE amount of organizing that passes through my brain.

There also seems to be just as much dissention.

It never ceases to amaze me how when someone shares that they’re letting go of what they don’t need, creating space, and feeling FABULOUS about it, someone else is going to have some nasty rebuttal.

If I were a younger woman, this is where I’d say “Haters gonna hate.”

The truth is, when you get these angry dissenting opinions, most often it’s because of that person’s fear of change and letting go. Please don’t let that derail you, darling.

Just because someone does something one way doesn’t mean we all have to – ESPECIALLY when we’re talking home. Guess what, Sunshines? There is no one way that you HAVE to do everything or even anything.

Even if I’m the one telling you what to do.

Years ago, I interned for a fantastic therapist. I’m reminded of a story that she often told:

A daughter grows up watching her mother make pork roast. The mother would season and prepare the roast. Just before placing the prepped roast in the pan, she would cut the roast in half. Then the two halves would be placed into the pan then into the oven to cook. When the daughter grew up this is the way she also prepared her pork roast.

One day the daughter invites her mother over for dinner and makes this pork roast. When the mother sees the roast, she asks her daughter why it was cut in half.

The daughter replies, “Because that’s how you’ve always done it.”

The mother laughs and says, “I did that because the roast was too big to fit into my pan. You have a larger pan. You don’t have to cut it in half!”

Just because a certain way works for someone doesn’t mean it’ll work for everyone. That’s just what works for them. The way I organize some things for myself isn’t necessarily going to work for my clients just as the way I organize things for one client may not work for another client or me.

We’re all individual. Our background experiences that shape our lives, views and emotional attachments are different. The structure and storage of our homes are individual and different. Our clutter thresholds and organizational needs are different.

When you’re letting go of clutter and organizing your home, think of what feels good and natural to you. If there are items that are theoretically sentimental but you don’t feel attached, let them go no matter what anyone else says. (For example, I loved college and kept my college yearbooks but hated high school so tossed those yearbooks. I don’t miss them either.) If others say you’re crazy or that you shouldn’t do it then tell them that you like your brand of crazy and they’re not the ones living in your house. If you read an article about how to organize something and it doesn’t feel right to you, don’t do it. (And yes, that includes my advice too. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I am some people’s glass of bubbly.) If you try a system and it doesn’t work, change it – even if that system was suggested by an expert.

At the end of the day, it’s about having a home that makes YOU feel good. The items inside are things that serve your needs and bring you joy. The systems flow the way you need them to so you feel at ease. Who cares if it does or doesn’t work for someone else.

If you don’t have to cut your pork roast in half, don’t.

————————————————————————————

Melinda Massie – Professional Organizer of Organizing with a Side of Fabulous – Ft. Worth, TX

Melinda Massie headshot - croppedMelinda is the sassy, redheaded best friend you always wanted. Called everything from slave-driver to life-saver to organizing ninja, her natural organizing skills and vivacious attitude will make getting organized suck less.

She’s on a mission to prove that being organized has nothing to do with bins and labels. And it definitely isn’t about perfection. Organization is about addressing what is standing in your way so you can let go of the excess clutter and create the home that supports your dreams and goals. Her education in advertising and marketing means she can guide you past the common traps in today’s mass consumerism “stuff” culture (you know, the b.s. that leads to unwanted purchases and excess clutter) while her former careers in professional ballroom dance and event planning means she still likes to make everything sparkle.

Melinda works with mildly cluttered to mildly hoarded people all over the country. She’s also teamed with extreme-cleaning crews to safely clear out massive clutter situations. She was named “Best Personal Organizer” by Fort Worth, TX Magazine and her tips have been featured in Shape, Woman’s Day, and WeTV as well as many other local and national publications.

When not clearing clutter, Melinda enjoys performing as a supernumerary with the Fort Worth Opera, yoga, cooking and eating indulgent food and believes that champagne is meant for the everyday.

Blog – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest

All or Nothing Will Bite You in the Tush by @MelindaMassie

by 2 Comments

All or Nothing

by Melinda Massie | Featured Contributor

A common obstacle preventing people from creating an organized and clutter free home is having an “all or nothing” mentality. Many people tell me that they’ve never gotten their homes organized because if they can’t get the whole house done at once then they just don’t bother to do anything.

OK. Let’s play with this.

I want to redecorate my home or remodel by kitchen or build my dream house. But dangit, I can’t finish it all at once so I’m just not going to do it at all!

Now why on earth would you do that to yourself? You wouldn’t. It’s silly. Instead, you break it down into bite-sized pieces and do what you can until the full goal is complete.

Starting a business? Are you really going to say, “NOPE! Can’t get it all done at once so sorry, Dreams. You’re not worth it.”

OF COURSE NOT!!!!

Yet we feel this approach is OK for letting go of clutter and organizing?

Of course it isn’t! So cut. It. Out.

It took longer than a day, week, or month to get to this point didn’t it?

Nobody said showed up with a dump truck and said, “Your house is lovely. So let me destroy it with all this trash! Wheeee!!!”

Nope.

As a matter of fact, 97.3% of my clients say that it happened slowly over time. In most cases it took years to accumulate.

It appeared in bite-sized chunks. It’ll go away in bite-size chunks too.

Try these options to make it a game instead of a chore:

  • Set a timer for 5, 10, or 15 minutes. See how much you can get rid of in that amount of time.
  • Make up strips of paper with the numbers 1 through 10 on them. Fold up and put the numbers in a bowl. Now pull out a number. That’s how many things you need to find and let go of.

When you’re finished, put the items near your door and get them out of the house as soon as possible. Do one or both of these games daily until you’ve created enough space that the overall task feels manageable instead of overwhelming. If you live with others, get all of the members of your home involved. When everyone is on board it will be quicker to clean up and easier to maintain in the long run because everyone is invested in the efforts.

Does this sound like it’s going against my usual, methodical approach to letting go of clutter? Yes. However when “all or nothing” is keeping you stuck, we have to do something different to un-stick things. If we can turn it into a game and make it fun too then all the better. Once you’ve cleared enough space that you don’t feel overwhelmed and have gotten past the need for “all or nothing” then you can switch to the methodical approach. But right now we just need to get in there and shake things up so you’re no longer burdened by the “all or nothing” monster!

I hear he bites people in the tush.

Not neighborly. Not neighborly at all.

“All or nothing” is something that’s somehow seeped into our brains and it’s super-detrimental to your sanity. Don’t allow it to stop you from letting go of your clutter and getting your home organized. It’s a ridiculous notion and you Sunshine, are not ridiculous.

What small goal will you set today to get your closer to your big goal of having an organized and clutter free home?

————————————————————————————

Melinda Massie – Professional Organizer of Organizing with a Side of Fabulous – Ft. Worth, TX

Melinda Massie headshot - croppedMelinda is the sassy, redheaded best friend you always wanted. Called everything from slave-driver to life-saver to organizing ninja, her natural organizing skills and vivacious attitude will make getting organized suck less.

She’s on a mission to prove that being organized has nothing to do with bins and labels. And it definitely isn’t about perfection. Organization is about addressing what is standing in your way so you can let go of the excess clutter and create the home that supports your dreams and goals. Her education in advertising and marketing means she can guide you past the common traps in today’s mass consumerism “stuff” culture (you know, the b.s. that leads to unwanted purchases and excess clutter) while her former careers in professional ballroom dance and event planning means she still likes to make everything sparkle.

Melinda works with mildly cluttered to mildly hoarded people all over the country. She’s also teamed with extreme-cleaning crews to safely clear out massive clutter situations. She was named “Best Personal Organizer” by Fort Worth, TX Magazine and her tips have been featured in Shape, Woman’s Day, and WeTV as well as many other local and national publications.

When not clearing clutter, Melinda enjoys performing as a supernumerary with the Fort Worth Opera, yoga, cooking and eating indulgent food and believes that champagne is meant for the everyday.

Blog – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest

Because Less Than Fabulous is Just Unacceptable by @MelindaMassie

by Leave a Comment

Less than Fabulous is Just Unacceptable

by Melinda Massie | Featured Contributor

Once upon a time, I was an event planner. Through the years of planning galas, benefits, weddings, and everything in between, I spent a LOT of time chilling out my clients. The phrase that worked with even the most anxiety-riddled client was “Don’t worry, darling. Less than fabulous is just unacceptable.”  I said this phrase so often that when I started my events company my tagline HAD to be “Because less than fabulous is just unacceptable.”

I was reminded of this phrase the other day. I’m currently reading a fantastic book called “Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less.” In it, author Greg McKeown references a piece by Derek Sivers titled, “No More Yes. It’s either HELL YEAH! Or No.”  The thought is that if your reaction to something isn’t an enthusiastic and absolute yes, then it’s a no. No more “maybe, “what about in this instance,” or “just in case.” When you have to decide on something, anything less than HELL YEAH! is definitely a no.

Though I dropped my event business and that tag line just over 4 years ago, it immediately came to mind as well as its implications for my clients today. My current company’s tagline is “Making homes fabulous one hot mess at a time.” To have a fabulous home, everything in it must be fabulous. Therefore, when deciding whether to keep items or let them go, just remember that anything less than fabulous is just unacceptable.

Fabulous is, of course, subjective. So start by creating your own personal “fabulous” guidelines to help you measure whether something stays or goes. (This fits into the “love” portion of the need, use, love guidelines.)

Now all of those maybes can melt away.

  • Maybe I’ll use this one day.
  • Maybe it’ll become fabulous once I fix it…even if I haven’t bothered to fix it in the last 5 years.
  • But maybe I’ll need it that one time? You know…when the moon is blue, and it’s a Tuesday, and I’ve had sushi for dinner. Then I’ll need it, surely?

All of that “maybe” is just cluttering up your head, home, and heart Sunshine. Time to cut that out!

As you move through your things, remind yourself that if it isn’t that enthusiastic, fabulous yes, then it’s simply no and you can let it go guilt free.

You can also apply this decision process to anything that takes up space in your life:

  • New purchases – Do I think this is absolutely fabulous and will absolutely serve the job I need it to? YES! Then go for it! If not, leave it where it is. Have patience that the thing to create your absolute yes will appear.
  • Demands on your time – Do I absolutely want to do this or am I succumbing because I think I “should?” If not, gracefully say no so you have the time for your fabulous yes.
  • Hiring – Whether it’s a new employee, business coach, or handyman, think about if the fit is an enthusiastic yes. If not enthusiastic, then don’t do it.

Is this a scary thought? Good. When you’ve been holding on to the “maybes” for a long time, this kind of idea is radical and scary. Channel that fear into excitement. Think about how freeing it will be to sort through your things knowing that if you don’t ABSOLUTELY AND ENTHUSIATICALLY love it, it can go with no questions asked. When you’re finished, think about how fantastic it will feel to live in a space that only contains things you absolutely love.

After all, Sunshine, less than fabulous is just unacceptable.

————————————————————————————

Melinda Massie – Professional Organizer of Organizing with a Side of Fabulous – Ft. Worth, TX

Melinda Massie headshot - croppedMelinda is the sassy, redheaded best friend you always wanted. Called everything from slave-driver to life-saver to organizing ninja, her natural organizing skills and vivacious attitude will make getting organized suck less.

She’s on a mission to prove that being organized has nothing to do with bins and labels. And it definitely isn’t about perfection. Organization is about addressing what is standing in your way so you can let go of the excess clutter and create the home that supports your dreams and goals. Her education in advertising and marketing means she can guide you past the common traps in today’s mass consumerism “stuff” culture (you know, the b.s. that leads to unwanted purchases and excess clutter) while her former careers in professional ballroom dance and event planning means she still likes to make everything sparkle.

Melinda works with mildly cluttered to mildly hoarded people all over the country. She’s also teamed with extreme-cleaning crews to safely clear out massive clutter situations. She was named “Best Personal Organizer” by Fort Worth, TX Magazine and her tips have been featured in Shape, Woman’s Day, and WeTV as well as many other local and national publications.

When not clearing clutter, Melinda enjoys performing as a supernumerary with the Fort Worth Opera, yoga, cooking and eating indulgent food and believes that champagne is meant for the everyday.

Blog – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest

You are Enough by @MelindaMassie

by 5 Comments

via FBWallPics

via FBWallPics

by Melinda Massie | Featured Contributor

Today’s message is short and sweet, Sunshines.

You.

Are.

Enough.

Why am I telling you this? Because in the vast majority of homes I’m in, the excessive clutter is there to fill up some hole that is missing. Mild to moderate clutter is often circumstantial reasons like someone who didn’t fully settle into their new home after a move. However, excessive clutter and hoarding is more often than not tied to self-worth. Examples are: the person who feels better about their self if they buy an expensive brand name. Perhaps someone gives an obviously cheap gift but puts it in an expensive store’s bag then says, “I thought you’d appreciate the gift more if it were in a Neiman’s bag.” Maybe you were raised by someone that was materialistic and so was conditioned from birth that if your life didn’t look Stepford Wife perfect on the outside, you were a complete failure. Maybe you gained a lot of weight so use shopping and things and clothes as a balm for feeling bad about your body.

The truth is, I could go on and on with examples of this sort of ridiculous and twisted logic. This “logic” is then all made worse by mass marketing. Through advertising (which gets more stealth all the time) we’ve been erroneously taught that by simply purchasing XYZ item then all of our problems will be solved. It will make us feel the way we want to feel. It will make us the person we want to be. It will make us loveable and worthy.

Sweetheart, purchasing these items may immediately act like a balm and make you feel better. However, over time it’s ineffective and only adds to the clutter. Then there’s the downward spiral of negative feelings such as depression, anxiety and guilt that crop up with the clutter. Which makes you feel bad about yourself. Then you purchase more to feel better. Which adds to the clutter.

See where I’m going with this?

Outside objects won’t fix internal problems. Often, they make it worse.

Now lest you think I’m prattling on about something I don’t understand please remember that I have an inside track. My degree is in advertising and I received impeccable sales training in a previous career. I got that degree because I truly love and am fascinated with advertising, public relations and marketing. (Just one of the many reasons I j’adore Mad Men.) Back then I never would’ve guessed I’d one day use that knowledge to help clients avoid the pitfalls of advertising, but am so happy I get to.

So here it is, Sunshines. Objects will not make you better. They will not make you prettier, richer, or thinner. They won’t love you and they won’t even make you more organized. (You have to deal with the physical clutter and emotional attachments to clutter first!) Most of all, these objects will not make you more worthy.

However, you are worthy.

You are enough.

You’re worthy and enough because you have a heartbeat and reside on this earth.

That in and of itself worth celebrating, Sunshine! The more you accept and believe it, the easier the clutter is to shed.

——————————————————————–

Melinda Massie – Professional Organizer of Organizing with a Side of Fabulous – Ft. Worth, TX

Melinda Massie headshot - croppedMelinda is the sassy, redheaded best friend you always wanted. Called everything from slave-driver to life-saver to organizing ninja, her natural organizing skills and vivacious attitude will make getting organized suck less.

She’s on a mission to prove that being organized has nothing to do with bins and labels. And it definitely isn’t about perfection. Organization is about addressing what is standing in your way so you can let go of the excess clutter and create the home that supports your dreams and goals. Her education in advertising and marketing means she can guide you past the common traps in today’s mass consumerism “stuff” culture (you know, the b.s. that leads to unwanted purchases and excess clutter) while her former careers in professional ballroom dance and event planning means she still likes to make everything sparkle.

Melinda works with mildly cluttered to mildly hoarded people all over the country. She’s also teamed with extreme-cleaning crews to safely clear out massive clutter situations. She was named “Best Personal Organizer” by Fort Worth, TX Magazine and her tips have been featured in Shape, Woman’s Day, and WeTV as well as many other local and national publications.

When not clearing clutter, Melinda enjoys performing as a supernumerary with the Fort Worth Opera, yoga, cooking and eating indulgent food and believes that champagne is meant for the everyday.

Blog – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest

Get a Spotless, Organized “Insert Room Here.” by @melindamassie

by 1 Comment

Getting a Spotless, Organized Home.

by Melinda Massie | Featured Contributor

Prepare thyselves for a redheaded rant, Sunshines.

I recently saw an article titled, “Get a Spotless, Organized Laundry Room.”

This, my darlings, is bullsh… A FULL-BLOWN LIE.

Unless you move out of your house, or never actually live in it ever again, you will NEVER have a spotless, organized ANYTHING in your house for more than a few minutes – ESPECIALLY if you actually use it!!! (Though you may get a few hours if you’re lucky, leave the house, or never enter the room – but what’s the purpose in that??)

Have I just burst every perfectionist’s bubble? I sure do hope so!

Sunshine, perfectionism will get you NOWHERE. Or as it says in one of my favorite videos, “An invocation for beginnings” (a great kick in the tush if you’re stuck and need a jumpstart, and also language warning if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing):

“Perfectionism may look good in his shiny shoes but he’s a little bit of an asshole and nobody invites him to their pool parties.”

Now if you’re a perfectionist, I get it. I’ve SO been there. Putting off writing papers until the last minute, waiting for the “perfect time to start” or the “perfect idea,” “perfect words,” perfectPerfectPERFECT!!

I’ve told myself that failure wasn’t an option. And guess what??? Failure is ABSOLUTELY an option! In fact, it can be a FABULOUS option because if you fail first and then learn from the mistakes you make, you’re on your way to a better option that much faster!!!

What especially sets me off about article titles like this is is that they encourage the cluttered to strive for the unattainable: that mythical, spotless perfection. Then they’re disappointed that they don’t get it, and usually beat themselves up because it seems everyone else can achieve perfection easily.

Sweetheart, it may as well be a glittery unicorn. And I’ve been in everyone’s house. NOBODY’S is spotless or perfect – not even mine. However, the homes I work in–including my own–do become great spaces that support your life and needs instead of adding extra burden.

This impossible search for the “perfect” home can actual spiral to a really nasty place – sometimes literally. You wait for the perfect time. While waiting for said perfect time, the clutter piles up. Then the “overwhelm” starts to set in. The overwhelm coupled with desire for perfection only cements the inaction more and the clutter continues to pile up. This all compounds until next thing you know, you’re literally up to your eyeballs in all the things.

And if that’s not enough, this whole vicious cycle can also drastically deteriorate your home. Tiny, routine home problems grow into larger, more serious problems because you were too embarrassed for a repair person to come over. The things themselves decay,  because all things break and decay over time. Even worse, it can become so bad that you don’t even see it anymore and the clutter continues to pile up, drastically diminishing your quality of life. Next thing you know, your family and friends are calling me (or, in the most extreme case, an intervention-style hoarding show) because nobody knows what to do.

Did I just take it to the very worse scenario from a simple headline?

You bet your glass of champagne I did.

These tiny, seemingly harmless article headlines slowly and silently erode us,emotionally and psychologically. We see the perfect pictures and hear the stories of perfect organization and want it for ourselves.

Yet what you don’t see is what I do. The tears of not being able to keep up when it seems everyone else can. The frustration of the home not being “spotless” when this article said it would be. The disappointment that nothing seems to work for them.

Thankfully, what I also get to see after we’ve worked into the process is the relief when I tell them that those headlines and pictures and tales are just the “perfect” fraction of the story and not reality. The lightness of being that comes with letting things go. The joy in creating a space that maybe isn’t perfect for a magazine, but supports my client in the exact way they want and need.

My darling Sunshines, please do not be swayed or dismayed by the crap put out into the mass media that claims you can have a perfect home. There is no finishing line in an organized home. Once you let go of your clutter and create the systems that work for you, you must still maintain your home on a regular basis. And as your needs change, so should the systems. I always like to say that organizing is a living, breathing thing because in a sense, it is. Your life changes. Your needs change. Or maybe you just want to the joint to look different. So you mix things up, change things up, PLAY with it until it makes you happy again.

It will never be spotless. It will never be perfect. It should, however, always make you happy.

———————————————————————

Melinda Massie – Professional Organizer of Organizing with a Side of Fabulous – Ft. Worth, TX

Melinda Massie headshot - croppedMelinda is the sassy, redheaded best friend you always wanted. Called everything from slave-driver to life-saver to organizing ninja, her natural organizing skills and vivacious attitude will make getting organized suck less.

She’s on a mission to prove that being organized has nothing to do with bins and labels. And it definitely isn’t about perfection. Organization is about addressing what is standing in your way so you can let go of the excess clutter and create the home that supports your dreams and goals. Her education in advertising and marketing means she can guide you past the common traps in today’s mass consumerism “stuff” culture (you know, the b.s. that leads to unwanted purchases and excess clutter) while her former careers in professional ballroom dance and event planning means she still likes to make everything sparkle.

Melinda works with mildly cluttered to mildly hoarded people all over the country. She’s also teamed with extreme-cleaning crews to safely clear out massive clutter situations. She was named “Best Personal Organizer” by Fort Worth, TX Magazine and her tips have been featured in Shape, Woman’s Day, and WeTV as well as many other local and national publications.

When not clearing clutter, Melinda enjoys performing as a supernumerary with the Fort Worth Opera, yoga, cooking and eating indulgent food and believes that champagne is meant for the everyday.

Blog – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest

5 Steps to Helping a Loved One with Their Clutter by @melindamassie

by 4 Comments

5 steps to helping a loved one deal with their clutter

by Melinda Massie | Featured Contributor

Recently I’ve had so many people ask how they can help a loved one deal with extreme clutter or hoarding. Whenever I get many people asking me the same question, I know it’s time to share with the class.

So gather around class, if you’re trying to help a loved one deal with excessive clutter then this post is for you.

Following are the first five things I say to someone who is trying to help a loved one process their clutter:

1. First and most importantly, don’t force it. Have they asked for help? If not then DO NOT try to force it. They may not be ready to face whatever it is they’re putting off. As Henry Cloud said, “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.” Change, while inevitable, also freaks most of us out. If they’re not ready then forcing them won’t do anyone any favors. It could also be that they’re more comfortable with a bit of mess. We all have different clutter thresholds. Some are really high. Others, like mine, are really low. Most are somewhere in the middle. As one of my new assistants said, “I’m really organized, but I’m also a bit of a slob. I need a bit of chaos to function at my best.”

We do have a couple of exceptions to this rule:

  • You can tell it’s seriously affecting their mood or quality of life. Perhaps this person used to be super-organized and now they seem like they’re losing it. Or if you’re noticing signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. Someone who used to have people over all the time and now never invites people over. Any drastic changes in their habits, mood, or personality.
  • There is a legitimate safety or sanitary concern. If your loved one has serious health issue and/or impaired mobility or the home has increasing filth, mold, pest or rodent issues then it needs to be addressed.

In these cases, it’s OK to start taking action on their behalf.

2. Assume a ZERO JUDGMENT stance. Judgment will only drive a wedge between the person and your help. That wedge and anger may pop up anyway, and if so that’s OK. I’m often on the receiving end of a client’s anger because they thought they were ready until clutter kicked up some unexpected “schtuff” to deal with. Know that it has absolutely nothing to do with you and just let it wash over. Will that be a challenge? Hell yeah. That’s also why it’s good to have an outside professional’s help. It’s rare that even I work with family because there’s too much there for either of us to be objective.

3. Set a realistic final goal for the home. How do they want to feel in their home? This is the guiding point for their decisions. Remind the person of the goal when they have a hard time making choices. Gently ask, “What is more important – this object or your goal of X?” Other questions to ask include “When will you use this again?” I prefer this question to “When was it used last,” because past usage isn’t necessarily a good indicator for future usage. If I used it yesterday and hated it, I probably won’t use it in the future. If I would have used it yesterday but couldn’t find it, I may use it tomorrow. It’s also important to only ask questions without making any decisions for them. These are their things and their goal so it’s their decision to make. Be patient. They may not make the same decisions you would or as quickly as you would like. We’re here to help them get to their goal, not do it for them.

4. Hit the most important areas first. When working with an entire home of clutter it’s really easy to get overwhelmed. Hit the areas that most impact your quality of life and well-being: kitchen, bathroom, a place to sleep, a place to relax, and a way to move through them all. The spare room of doom and garage of indecision are just gravy after that.

5. Take care of you during the process. If you don’t care for yourself, it’s easy to let the stress and anxiety of the situation creep into your own life and being. However you’ll then lose your patience and the ability to help without judgment and these two things are crucial to the process if you’re going to be a part of it. You can’t help your loved one get clear if you aren’t either.

Enjoy the process with them and they’ll enjoy it more. Take the moments to relive the past with your loved one before they let the objects go. Use this as bonding time. I’m now either dear friends or part of the family with many of my clients because this is such personal work. However, also know that if it the work doesn’t stick, that’s OK too. When we’re not our own catalyst for change, it doesn’t always stick. Instead of beating yourself up about it, know that you tried and did your best.

————————————————————————————-

Melinda Massie – Professional Organizer of Organizing with a Side of Fabulous – Ft. Worth, TX

Melinda Massie headshot - croppedMelinda is the sassy, redheaded best friend you always wanted. Called everything from slave-driver to life-saver to organizing ninja, her natural organizing skills and vivacious attitude will make getting organized suck less.

She’s on a mission to prove that being organized has nothing to do with bins and labels. And it definitely isn’t about perfection. Organization is about addressing what is standing in your way so you can let go of the excess clutter and create the home that supports your dreams and goals. Her education in advertising and marketing means she can guide you past the common traps in today’s mass consumerism “stuff” culture (you know, the b.s. that leads to unwanted purchases and excess clutter) while her former careers in professional ballroom dance and event planning means she still likes to make everything sparkle.

Melinda works with mildly cluttered to mildly hoarded people all over the country. She’s also teamed with extreme-cleaning crews to safely clear out massive clutter situations. She was named “Best Personal Organizer” by Fort Worth, TX Magazine and her tips have been featured in Shape, Woman’s Day, and WeTV as well as many other local and national publications.

When not clearing clutter, Melinda enjoys performing as a supernumerary with the Fort Worth Opera, yoga, cooking and eating indulgent food and believes that champagne is meant for the everyday.

Blog – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest

Own Your Hot Mess by @melindamassie

by 1 Comment

Own Your Hot Mess

Melinda Massie | Featured Contributor

Last month I talked about switching your perspective in the approach to anything negative – especially clutter. There’s also another very important step that we all have to take before we can truly deal with and release said clutter.

Sunshines, it’s time to own your hot mess.

Now I know that it’s easier to lay blame elsewhere. My husband doesn’t care what the house looks like. The kids are cute, little chaos creators that leave their toys all over the house. My maid ran away with the neighbor’s butler and the place just hasn’t been the same since.

However the truth is that our actions got us to this place. Perhaps we didn’t express how important it is to us that the home is tidy. Maybe we didn’t create systems so the kids know where to put their things. Did we ever tell the maid that she’s so greatly appreciated and ask her to please not run away from us in the middle of the night?

Whatever actions or inactions we’ve been doing have put us in the exact place we are now. So while it may be challenging to take ownership of the hot mess, a beautiful thing happens when we do.

When we know and own that our actions got us here, we also know without a doubt that our actions can fix it.

Confidence in your abilities to dig yourself out is vital to the process and your success. I know without a doubt that with the right attitude and game plan, you can do it. But if you don’t think you can do it, no amount of my help will work.

Now I know that if you’ve been casting blame onto others for years, this will be very challenging to accept. For those that are cluttered due to illness or other events truly out of your control, you didn’t even have a choice in the actions that led to the hot mess. However, this exercise isn’t about dwelling in the past or beating ourselves up over letting our home get to its current state.  We no longer participate in the blame game – of ourselves or others. We accept these actions/inactions as part of the past and move forward without the mental whippings. No good can come of that anyway.

So Sunshines, it’s time to own your hot mess! This way, you can turn it around and create a fabulous home in its place!

——————————————————————————–

Melinda Massie – Professional Organizer of Organizing with a Side of Fabulous – Ft. Worth, TX

Melinda Massie headshot - croppedMelinda is the sassy, redheaded best friend you always wanted. Called everything from slave-driver to life-saver to organizing ninja, her natural organizing skills and vivacious attitude will make getting organized suck less.

She’s on a mission to prove that being organized has nothing to do with bins and labels. And it definitely isn’t about perfection. Organization is about addressing what is standing in your way so you can let go of the excess clutter and create the home that supports your dreams and goals. Her education in advertising and marketing means she can guide you past the common traps in today’s mass consumerism “stuff” culture (you know, the b.s. that leads to unwanted purchases and excess clutter) while her former careers in professional ballroom dance and event planning means she still likes to make everything sparkle.

Melinda works with mildly cluttered to mildly hoarded people all over the country. She’s also teamed with extreme-cleaning crews to safely clear out massive clutter situations. She was named “Best Personal Organizer” by Fort Worth, TX Magazine and her tips have been featured in Shape, Woman’s Day, and WeTV as well as many other local and national publications.

When not clearing clutter, Melinda enjoys performing as a supernumerary with the Fort Worth Opera, yoga, cooking and eating indulgent food and believes that champagne is meant for the everyday.

Blog – Facebook – Twitter – Pinterest