Emma Heptonstall | She Owns It

by Emma Heptonstall | Featured Contributor

What’s the Business Plan for your divorce?

Have you noticed that smart, sassy entrepreneurial woman like you, seem to have everything? A great career, fab friends, well adjusted kids if they have them; oh, and they seem to have managed their divorce pretty well too.

So how is it that some women manage all that; and some, well some women just go to pieces?

5 secrets of successfully divorced business women.

1. They have a plan

You have a business plan right?

It’s either up on your wall in your office, on a spreadsheet on your computer, in your Leonie Dawson workbook or scribbled in the back of your journal. It doesn’t really matter where you keep it, but you have one. You know what your vision is for your business. You know what you want to achieve in terms of turnover, growth in sales, market share. You planned it all out and now you working your plan.

Smart successful women also have a plan when they are separating and divorcing. You see, they recognise that divorce is just a process. Like any business deal, it has a beginning, a middle and an end. Some are more straight forward then others. Sometimes the negotiations are tough. Sometimes they bring up emotions, but these emotions are dealt with away from the negotiating table. And so it is with a great divorce.

If you are thinking of leaving your husband, start to plan. Do your due diligence. You wouldn’t enter into a business deal without doing your due diligence now would you? Begin to find out what his assets really are. If you don’t know what they are, he could hide them. Begin to copy all the financial documents and, if you think he won’t play fair, put them in a safety deposit box.

Smart successful women also have a plan when they are separating and divorcing

Work out how much you and the children need by way of a settlement. If you want to keep your home, how much will this cost? If you think the house will need to be sold, how much will you need to re-home yourself? As soon as you have told your husband you want a divorce, tell your bank and credit card company immediately.

2. They work with the end goal in mind

A second thing that smart women do is that they think past the now. Now is hard, painful and uncomfortable. Now is awful. But, now will pass and there will be life after divorce. How you handle it will make a big difference to you and you kids. It doesn’t matter what the ‘reason’ for your divorce is, or whose ‘fault’ it is, the fact is, it’s over. Period. What are you going to do to get on with your life?

It doesn’t matter what the ‘reason’ for your divorce is, or whose ‘fault’ it is, the fact is, it’s over. Period.

Arianna Huffington is still friends with her ex-husband and goes on holiday with him. Now, this may not be possible for you, but neither does it have to be an all out war. Smart women keep focused on the end goal, recognising that as with any business negotiation, they have to bend and flex. They know which battles are worth fighting and when it’s time to walk away. Just as in any business negotiation, principles and egos are expensive. You wouldn’t agree a business deal just so you could feel like you’d ‘won’ don’t do it in your divorce.

3. They don’t make the business deal about them – it’s business

You might think that it’s impossible not to take divorce personally. Here’s the thing. It’s important to remember that chances are, you are both scared, hurting, frightened and a bit lost. Even if one or both of you have new partners, divorce is not easy. It’s the end of something that you both once thought was forever; so remember, you are probably not being your best selves. Divorce does not define you or him, so be kind to yourself.

4. When it’s over, they move on

It’s said that you win some, you lose some. In business, not every deal will go the way you want it to. You might not get the divorce settlement you were hoping for either. You have choice. Let that eat you up for the next 10 years, spoiling your life; or, you can choose to move on. Let it go and focus on something else. You know that in your business, if you don’t move forward your business will suffer; it’s the same with your personal life.

5. They have support

Whether you’re the CEO of a company with a Board of Directors or a Solopreneur, you have your support network so use it. That’s what it’s there for. Your network will help you move forward, keep focused and keep perspective.

So, if you are thinking of getting divorced, get your plan together and work that plan! You’ll come out the other side confident, relaxed and ready for a new chapter in your life.

——————————————————————

Emma Heptonstall, The Divorce Alchemist – Women’s Divorce Coach, UK

Hi! I’m Emma Heptonstall, The Divorce Alchemist.

I’m a recovering lawyer having served as a legal adviser for thirteen years. I’m also a family mediator, a job which love and I’m very proud of. I’m a certified MBit Coach, have a diploma in counselling skills and I’m an NLP Master Practitioner.

I developed Divorce Alchemy to provide divorce coaching for women who know that they need support to deal with the practical and emotional aspects of their divorce in order that they make good decisions, which will support their lives as a confident divorced woman.

My story is different.

I don’t tell my clients that I know what they are going through. I don’t. I’m not divorced. In fact, for what its worth, I’m not even married… yet!

You are unique. You divorce is unique. I get that. I help women because I’m not divorced. I’m not their sister, best friend or mother. I’m not emotionally involved in their divorce and I’m not on my own healing journey.

I’m delighted to be able to write for sheownsit.com . I love blogging and sharing my stuff. You can read more go my blogs at www.yourfamilyfirst.co.uk/our-blog/ and you can download your free copy of The Smart Woman’s Divorce Guide at www.emmaheptonstall.com

I live in York. That’s old York, York UK and I coach women 1:1, either face to face or via Skype.

You can connect with me on Facebook Twitter LinkedIn G+

Emma Heptonstall

The 2 biggest mistake you make when getting a divorce (and how to avoid them).

photo: www.shutterstock.com

by Emma Heptonstall | Featured Contributor

The 19th January 2015 is dubbed by some ‘Blue Monday’.

It’s the day when, statistically, we feel most depressed and stressed. Our post Christmas credit card bills are in.

Ouch!

We’ve not had a drink since 1st January and that festive cheer is but a distant memory.

Oh, and then there’s the ‘D’ word.

I’m not talking ‘diet’ (the less said about that the better); I’m talking about divorce.

In truth, for many women, Christmas is not the fairytale we want it to be. It’s often a time of great emotional and financial pressure. Perhaps, like many other women,the spotlight has been shone on aspects of your relationship that frankly, you’d rather not look at.

That nagging feel that you want out of your marriage just won’t go away and secretly, your New Year’s Resolution is to do something about it. That’s what I talking about.

Reality. Divorce is scary.

Your parents might have done it, and all you remember is the unhappiness, tension and the fights. Your friends might have done it and you’ve seen how they’ve struggled and the children have been affected.

Here’s the thing. Divorce doesn’t have to be that way.

In a nutshell, all divorce is just the legal dissolution of your marriage.The law once said you were married. Now your not. It’s the meaning that we put on it that causes the upset and pain.

I’m not saying divorce is easy; it’s not.

It’s about accepting the hopes and dreams that you had when you got married didn’t work out, it’s about accepting that life will be different. It can be about accepting yourself. Just the way you are.

Often women cause themselves problems because they make 2 fundamental mistakes. Avoid these, and you’ll find as difficult as it is, your divorce will leave you, your children and even your husband in a better place.

1. You don’t take time to consider if you REALLY want a Divorce

The decision to divorce is huge. It’s up there with getting married, buying your first home and having a baby.

It’s often the case that the decision to divorce is based on the desire to get out of an unhappy situation.

It’s not that you think divorce will make you happy. But you do think it will make you less unhappy.

However, if your desire to divorce is about the unhappiness in you, that unhappiness will be right with you on the other side of your divorce, stuck to you like gum on your shoe.

So. What can you do?

The first thing you can do before asking for a divorce is be clear about your ‘why’. As a successful business owner and entrepreneur, you know that in your business, it’s important to be clear about your why. It’s what drives you. It’s what motivates you to work until the job is done. It shapes your business.

But let me ask you this.

How often do you consider your ‘why’ in your personal life?

The thing is, divorce can’t make you feel better about you. Only YOU can do that.

If you take time to look at your why, and realise that you are running away from you, get support and deal with those issues first before you call time on your relationship. Doing this will save you a whole load of heartache and it might just save your marriage.

2. You don’t take time to consider the type of divorce you want; or the type of lawyer you need

Women use a variety of strategies when choosing a divorce lawyer:

They pick the most expensive lawyer because they think they’ll be better.
They choose a lawyer their friends and family recommend.
They just choose a lawyer at random and hope for the best.

Choosing the most expensive lawyer doesn’t mean they’ll be the best lawyer for you. Just like you, your lawyer has their own personality and style. Some lawyers are more litigious than others. Some work in a collaborative style. Others champion mediation.

You need to find a lawyer that ‘fits with you’. Going on recommendation is a great place to start, but it’s not the whole story. You wouldn’t pick a nanny for your children based on recommendation alone would you? You wouldn’t pick one at random online and hope for the best.

So. What would you do?

You’d meet several nannies, get a feel for their personality and style. You’d look at whether they were right for your children.

Why wouldn’t you do that when choosing a lawyer?

In reality, many smart women like you don’t; and it costs them time and money, and don’t even get me started on the emotional impact …

The type of divorce you choose and the type of lawyer you hire will have a profound affect on your divorce. Choose wisely. You are just as important as your children.

So, before you go headlong into asking for a divorce, check out with yourself that its what you REALLY want. If it is, research what type of divorce suits you best and find a lawyer who can help you.

———————————————————————————