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Do You Show Yourself Your Softer Side? by @DrPawlowski

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Do you know yourself? Your softer side?

by Vanessa Pawlowski, Psy.D.

I work in counseling with a lot of successful people who hold themselves to very high standards and who care deeply about their significant others, friends, and families. What I have noticed is that when we push ourselves really hard to try to be successful, sometimes we do not wind up showing ourselves the same care that we do for our loved ones.

Does this sound like you? Maybe you hold yourself to very high standards that you keep falling short of. You analyze yourself throughout the day and keep finding more and more things to criticize yourself for. Where is your softer side when it comes to you? It’s time to start treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Here are some simple ways to start.

• Change your negative self-talk. Have you noticed how you talk to yourself? Would you talk to anyone that you cared about like that? Especially if you struggle with anxiety and depression, or with eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia, negative self-talk makes everything so much harder. You can feel hopeless and think that things are never going to get better. Sometimes to get started, I suggest that people begin with saying more neutral statements to themselves and then work up to more positive ones. For example, you might say to yourself, “I can’t believe I am late, what is wrong with me that I can’t even be on time?” A more neutral statement would be: “Everyone is late sometimes, but if I keep being late all of the time, maybe I need to try to do something different.”

• Be okay with not being perfect. You probably have many roles to juggle – and it is impossible to be perfect in one of them, let alone all of them. When others make mistakes, you may find yourself able to forgive and forget. Why does the same not apply to you? If your self–worth is tied to being perfect, then you are setting yourself up to feel bad. There is no way to win in this scenario.

• Show yourself you care about you. As it is in our relationships with other people, so it is in our relationship with ourselves: actions can speak louder than words. So while it is good to keep your negative self-talk in check, it is also very important to take time out consistently to do things that take care of you. This is not being selfish. This is you sending yourself a clear message that you are important and deserve to be taken care of — not pushed to the brink of exhaustion and burnout. Stop waiting for others to take care of you first before you start doing it for yourself. It can be as small as giving yourself an extra 10 minutes to get ready in the morning so you aren’t rushed in the morning, to as big as planning a nice vacation. The important thing is that you start and that you work towards making it a regular practice. You shouldn’t choose to take care of yourself only when a crisis forces you to.

Feeling better about life in general means that you need to feel at peace with yourself too. Otherwise you will not be able to feel the way that you keep hoping you will feel, regardless of how many external successes you can point to. Finding a softer approach with yourself is one way to transform the way you feel about yourself from the inside out.

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Vanessa PawlowskiVanessa Pawlowski, Psy.D. is a psychologist with her own private practice in Beverly Hills, CA. She specializes in working with highly successful individuals who struggle with anxiety and eating disorders, such as bulimia, anorexia and binge eating. She loves empowering women to feel differently about their body, their work, and their relationships!

5 Ways to Make 2015 Your Best Year Yet! by @SandraDawes

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Charles Kettering quote for SOI

by Sandra Dawes | Featured Contributor 

Tis the season to wrap up the year coming to an end and get ready for a brand new one! I love the New Year because I always feel like it’s a fresh start, a clean slate to do things differently, better, than the year before. Please feel free to share your tips for a fabulous New Year in the comments below. Here are my 5 suggestions to make 2015 the best year yet.

1. Celebrate your accomplishments

This is something that I started to do several years ago. On New Year’s Eve, before any festivities begin, I grab my journal and list all of the things that I accomplished during the current year. They don’t all have to be monumental goals, but you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised by all that you’ve done, even if you think you didn’t have such a stellar year.

2. Review what worked and what didn’t

We’ve all heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results. If we don’t take the time to look at the systems and strategies that worked and evaluate the ones that didn’t we might end up making the same mistakes again next year. Don’t beat yourself up about the failures, but do learn from them. What can you do differently next time?

3. Identify at least 3 things you intend to accomplish in the New Year

What would an article about the New Year be without talking about setting goals? They don’t all have to be about your business. Throw some personal goals in the mix too. When we’re at our best, we do our best. Achieving personal goals can help you be more effective in your business as well so don’t forget to take care of yourself when setting your intentions for 2015.

4. Choose at least one skill to upgrade or learn

If we’re not learning, we’re not growing. I’m a firm believer and strong supporter of continuing education. We can never possibly know all there is to know, even in areas that we’ve mastered. Whether it has to do with your business or not, learning a new skill or learning how to do something you already know in a different way, expands our minds and opens us up to new opportunities that we might not have known existed otherwise. My 9 year-old lab/border collie mix is a constant reminder that you’re never too old to learn and you actually can teach an old dog new tricks!  😉

5. Create a 90-day action plan

If you work out regularly, I’m sure you’ve witnessed the popularity of your local work out spot in January and the decline in attendance as we head into February. It’s why I no longer believe in New Year’s Resolutions. We can’t just say we’re going to start doing, or stop doing something; we have to figure out how we’re going to do it. In addition to that, we have to make sure we’re committed to our goals and make sure that it’s a goal that is important to us, and not something someone else wants us to do. The action plan doesn’t have to be perfect, but it definitely helps to have one. If you want to increase the effectiveness of the plan, share it with someone you know will hold you accountable.

The end of the year can be a bittersweet time for many of us. It’s easy to focus on the things that didn’t go the way we hoped or expected rather than on the things that worked out, sometimes even better than we had planned. Whether this year was phenomenal or lackluster, celebrate the fact that you survived another year and know that the coming year can always be better.

May 2015 be a year filled with great health, peace and prosperity! ♥

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Sandra Dawes, Founder, Life Coach, Embrace Your DestinySandra Dawes is a recovering control freak and excuse maker, as well as founder of Embrace Your Destiny, her life coaching practice. Her work involves teaching women how to stop making arguing for their limitations so that they can create the life that they want. Sandra’s inspiration to help others in this area comes from her own journey and experiences in dealing with the heartbreak of losing her father. She published her first book Embrace Your Destiny: 12 Steps to Living the Life You Deserve, a story that outlines her personal journey, in November 2013.

In her down time, Sandra loves to read, do yoga and spend time with her partner Satnam and their dog Lulu. For more information on what she does, visit www.embraceyourdestiny.ca.

Beauty or Beast? Giving Beauty the Upper Hand! by @AskJoshsMom

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Beauty-Beast-Pillows

by Rossana Snee

Most of you have heard the story of Beauty and the Beast. Beauty is a merchant’s daughter—pure of heart, unselfish, giving and loving. Beast, on the other hand, is a grotesque looking creature who’s had a spell cast upon him; broken only when someone loves him despite his hideous appearance. At that point, the spell will be lifted, and he’ll once again turn into the handsome prince he used to be.

Belle ends up in Beast’s castle when she goes looking for her father. As you might suspect, Belle meets Beast, but things don’t go so well. Beast acts like the monster he is, and Belle flees. When she’s attacked by a pack of wolves, Beast saves her, injuring himself in the process. Grateful for the rescue, Belle tends to him, and a friendship ensues. A happy ending follows when Beauty falls for Beast, and the curse is finally removed.

I was reminded, as I thought about this fairy tale, that we have both Beauty and Beast within us. Who among you hasn’t had your beastly side rear its ugly head at one time or another? When Beast is in command, you roar with anger, indulge in negative thinking, criticize yourself, pick fights, withhold love, and close your heart. When Beauty has the upper hand, things are calm, kindness and generosity is the way, you are patient, and think of yourself in a loving way.

So how can you give Beauty the upper hand? First, recognize that Beast is in there. Once you do, you have to STOP:

• Criticizing yourself.
• Letting anger get the best of you.
• Shutting down your heart.
• Attacking others with hurtful words.
• Spreading ugly gossip.

Once Beauty takes over, understand that in times of self-preservation, Beast may be useful, but only then. When you choose to live your life as Beauty:

• You’ll feel joy bubble up inside of you.
• Your inner sanctum will feel like a place of solace and peace.
• You’ll have more energy.
• People will want to be around you.

Indulging Beast means:

• Giving up your precious energy.
• Risking isolation.
• Letting anger rule your emotions.
• Being on the defensive.
• Feeling so badly you literally can’t stand to be in your own skin.

To give Beauty the upper hand, all you have to do is love yourself regardless of how you look, what you weigh, or your station in life. It’s Unconditional.

Allow Beauty to reign in your house. There’s only room for one in there. Choose wisely.

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Rossana SneeI am a Marriage & Family Therapist. My goal: to inspire and motivate! I facilitate a monthly group for 20-something women who have questions about any issue, or situation for which they may need guidance. I write a blog: askjoshsmom.com, and have a Facebook page which I use as my venue to touch people.

How to Bathe in Gratitude

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by Christine Kane

GratitudeYears ago, I traveled to Peru and Bolivia.  It was a journey to many sacred sites.  It was most definitely not a luxury travel scenario. [[She writes as she flashes back to a freezing cold night involving heavy rain, food poisoning, a herd of goats, a dead flashlight and an outhouse.]]

When I flew back into the Atlanta airport, I entered the women’s restroom and turned on the hot water in the sink. My eyes filled with tears. I was flooded with gratitude. I was literally taken over by joy for the feeling of hot water, right there, easy access, “holyshit I could bathe in this right now.” I had sort of my own private Scarlett O’Hara moment:  “I will never take this for granted again!”

That moment has since been my measure for how to feel gratitude.  I don’t want to just list the stuff I’m grateful for. I want to bathe in it. I want my heart to burst open with the joy of it all.

Have you ever injured yourself?  While you were laid up, or hobbling around, have you ever had that string of thoughts that goes something like this?…

“I need to appreciate my health when I have my health. I would give anything for health again. And then – I swear – I will never take my healthy body for granted again.”

The gift of these moments – if we can see it – is that we learn how much we each truly have in any given moment.

A healer I worked with taught me how to “see” with my heart.  It’s something I practice regularly.  It’s not hard. And it doesn’t involve lighting candles or burning incense. All you do is fully occupy your heart and literally just “see” your world from your heart, not from your eyes.  The challenge is to stay there as long as possible before slamming back up into your head and having yet another thought.

Try it now.  Read this with your heart. Or look out the window with your heart, not your eyes. (Extra Credit: Plant a large goofy smile on your face as you do this.)

So, at this time of year when we are all thinking about gratitude, take a moment to move beyond just thinking about it.  EXPERIENCE gratitude. Really embody it.  See from your heart.  It changes you. It makes you magnetic. It makes you attractive. It makes you love. It makes you rich.

And then?  Share in the comments below something or someone that you are grateful for and why it is so fabulous. Let us all bathe in your fabulous life with you…

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Christine KaneChristine Kane is the Mentor to People Who are Changing the World. She helps women and men Uplevel their lives, their businesses and their success. Her weekly Uplevel You eZine goes out to over 26,000 subscribers. If you are ready to take your life and your world to the next level, you can sign up for a FREE subscription at http://christinekane.com.

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