Relationships | She Owns It

When Spouses Are Business Partners: A Survival Guide by @marriagedotcom

December 30, 2016 by Guest Post Leave a Comment

by Malini Bhatia

Being in a marriage and being business partners are two of the most intense types of relationships you can have. Both require time and energy, both need strong communication and compromise to thrive, and both face many conflicts and challenges on the path to long-term success. Navigating one on its own is hard enough.

So what happens when you’re married to your business partner?

Let’s look at the bright side first. Only certain types of people want to be entrepreneurs, so for that mindset to occupy both halves of a marriage means that there are already a lot of overlapping traits. Enthusiasm, work ethic, creativity, and all the other wonderful traits of entrepreneurs are now on an equal playing field in the marriage. At the same time, both sides understand the challenges inherent to entrepreneurship, such as all-hours phone calls and fluctuating cash flow. While this is part of the adventure and can be a galvanizing force in the relationship, it also doubles the stakes of every decision.

Playing this dual role of spouse and business partner then means that every element is amplified and ripples out even further. No marriage is free of conflict and no entrepreneurship is totally smooth, so there’s no guidebook to achieving complete bliss on both sides. However, some practical words of wisdom can help minimize the bumps in the road and help both partners maintain some perspective. Here are four tips for anyone sharing their marriage and business with the same person:

#1: Keep your work-life balance

Entrepreneurship can be an all-consuming endeavor. The phone can ring in the middle of the night or during regular work hours. “Working late” can mean working all night or just taking a quick email break. Problems can arise from both partners using this approach to their day. It is simply not a sustainable pace for a marriage. That makes it extra important to ensure a work-life balance. It may be impossible to schedule regular down-time for the two of you. That doesn’t mean that you can’t plan ahead for schedule lulls in order to go on vacations. In addition, when there are moments of quiet, be sure to shut off completely: no phones, no emails, no business talk. It’s important to have this time away from the office, both mentally and physically.

#2: Divide up responsibilities

Entrepreneurs are natural go-getters. You give them a list of things to do and chances are they are already planning on how to achieve them. This is one of the benefits of entrepreneurs being in a marriage. On the domestic side of things, the smart approach is to divide up duties in ways that suit your strength. By applying your entrepreneurial and go-getter skills to the business of marriage, it allows you both to thrive while strengthening your relationship. Perhaps most importantly, it ensures that neither one of you will feel overwhelmed by the to-do list at home and instead feel like equal halves of a team.

#3: Stay in touch

In a fast-paced start-up world, it’s very easy to lose track of time, communication, and even your partner — whether it’s about business or your marriage. The best way to avoid this is to make plans and goals together, then schedule times to regularly check in on them. As entrepreneurs and business owners, this should feel like a natural extension of your approach, and you’ll be surprised that using modern scheduling tools and communication tools (cloud calendars, instant messaging, etc.) can get you in sync — and the more in sync you are, the less you’ll feel disconnected.

#4: Maintain respect

In any intimate relationship, arguments and conflict are inevitable. This is even more so when the dual-role of spouse and business partner are involved. Perhaps the most important thing for both partners to remember is the importance of maintaining respect. All of the usual communication rules apply: listen to your partner, don’t yell, acknowledge their feelings, and keep an open mind. Any show of disrespect on either the business or marital sides of the ledger will bleed into the other, possibly propagating toxicity into an already intense state. Maintain respect for each other, express your feelings properly, and remember that in the end, you’re in it together.

The Value of Your Relationship

When you mix business with pleasure, the stakes suddenly get bigger. Add in practical family elements such as children, mortgages, vacations, etc. and everything is multiplied many times over. However, remember the value of your relationship. The four tips above require time and energy; they are an investment. Because you are in this together, though, that means that the rewards are even greater. Give unconditional support to each other through thick and thin, remember that honesty and compromise apply in both marriage and business, and the journey together will be better than you ever imagined.

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Malini Bhatia is the Founder & CEO of Marriage.com, an online hub for advice from vetted experts on all things marriage. Her passion for supporting people through the journey of building and sustaining positive, healthy relationships, combined with her business acumen, inspired the creation of Marriage.com. She has past experience in the PR and communications industries and has worked with companies in the tech, healthcare and non-profit sectors.

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How To Network Yourself To The Top. Building Relationships With the Right People. By @TRULYJAMARA

July 25, 2016 by Jamara Wilson Leave a Comment

Building relationships with the right people.

by Jamara Wilson | Featured Contributor

Attending networking events has become overrated. You attend a mixer of many people with the intention to network your way to a sale or warm lead. Then you find yourself speaking to a dozen people who asks what is it that you do before even asking your name. All of which have decided to hand you their business cards. Although, you never asked for it.

After two hours of speaking with more people than you can remember, you find yourself holding 15 business cards. You’ll be lucky if you’re actually interested in 30% of them.

I’ve attended many networking events over the years. Two years ago, I decided to work smarter rather than harder when it came to networking. I limited the number of networking events I attended to only the ones I knew would be mutually beneficial to the other party and myself. I became strategic in who and where I spend my time.

The thing to remember about networking is it’s not just a single interaction that helps you win. Networking your way to the top requires building genuine relationships with the right people. The right people being those who are empowered to make the decision or influence the decision.

The other thing to remember is these people are often times connected with other decision makers who may or may not be within the same industry. If you succeed in one connection, you’ll succeed in another.

Here are 7 ways on how to network your way to the decision maker.

1) Don’t Ignore The Little Guy

Just because you aren’t speaking with the person whose empowered to make the decision, doesn’t mean you should treat them as if they have no influence. Often times, the decision maker has a gatekeeper. This could be the Executive Assistant, VP of Operations, or anyone in between. Respecting and showing value to the person who has the capability to introduce you to the right person, helps them make the decision to do so.

2) Think Not What They Can Do For You, But What You Can Do For Them

Going into any relationship thinking selfishly is not good for the long term. Networking isn’t just about receiving, it’s about reciprocity. Show your target that you are valuable to them. Ask them if there is anything that you can do for them. There may be a challenge or problem they are dealing with and don’t have a resource to resolve the issue. You may be the solution they are waiting for. Offering your network or resources to someone before you ask them for anything, shows you’re willing to serve.

3) Create an Intimate Surrounding

Let’s do lunch! Invite your target out for an intimate setting. Grab coffee, tea, dinner, or even a celebratory cocktail. Creating a setting where they can be comfortable and converse with you without any distractions is a great way to learn about someone on a personal level.

Getting to know something personal about your target allows you to relate and build rapport. Building rapport, makes you memorable.

4) Get Involved With What They Are Involved In

You want to be in front of your target as much as possible. Become identifiable. If you are interested in building a relationship with them for profitable gain, then showing you take an interest in what they are involved in let’s them know you are serious about establishing a relationship.

5) Be Authentic

Always be yourself. Even when you disagree with your target. If that should happen, be the first to say “It looks we are going to have to agree to disagree.” Being transparent about your beliefs, and position on topics, that may come up in discussion shows your human. You show you are an individual and there begins the building of trust. Remember, people still do business with people they like.

6) Be Patient

Understand that getting to the decision maker or a chance at presenting, can take time. Be patient and show grace while your waiting.

7) Follow Up

Follow up while being patient. Send an email or handwritten note in the mail checking in on your target. It could be something as simple as “Hi Linda, you crossed my mind and wanted to check on you. How are you and your family?”. Remember, your building a relationship. Relationships need communication to survive. Remember, you want to be identifiable and memorable. Don’t let them forget you.

It’s not about “knowing of” everyone in the room, but instead “knowing” the right people in the room.

What are some effective ways you network?

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CEO / Founder of Tuxedo Impressions LLC™

Sitting outside of a bistro reading a good book or typing away on her laptop, with a cup of tea in arms reach, is where you will find this gutsy entrepreneur!

Jamara Wilson is the CEO and Founder of Tuxedo Impressions LLC™. A company that helps small businesses establish efficiency through automation and organized systems using integrable applications. Tuxedo Impressions LLC™ provide clients with the confidence needed to grow their business and the time to make it happen.

You can find Jamara compartmentalizing her thoughts on her blogs.

Business Memos From a Gutsy Entrepreneur is a blog Jamara started shortly after launching her business. It’s written for fearless entrepreneurs who want to minimize failures and learn all they can to succeed as the CEO, Chief Everything Officer. His Majesty’s Favorite is an insightful and inspiration blog written to encourage self growth from a place of self actualization.

When not working, you can find Jamara dancing, traveling, spending time with friends, shopping new teas, or walking through the city pretending she’s a tourist. She aims to be in a position to give back to a large community of people in infinite ways.

Connect with Jamara! LinkedIn | Twitter | Instagram | Google+

Save

Jamara Wilson

Entrepreneur | Blogger | Extroverted Introvert

www.jamarawilson.com

Why You Should ‘Give Up the Ghost’ on Ghosting by @DrSandraH

May 17, 2016 by Sandra Hamilton, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

by Dr. Sandra Hamilton | Featured Contributor

Having a friend, date, or co-worker be a “no-show” is not a new story, but technology has transformed the “no-show” into a “no muss, no fuss” vanishing act called ghosting. For those of you that have been spared, ghosting is the act of terminating communication with a love interest, and intentionally avoiding contact with no explanation. Though the term specifically refers to dating relationships; we know that our friends, spouses, and relatives are just as capable of vaporizing into the ether.

Dating surveys suggest that these inexplicable disappearing acts have become a disturbing and accepted trend in relationship etiquette. Their findings show that both males and females have engaged in ghosting behavior or have been ghosted as a way to end a dating relationship. These results range from nearly 11% of Huffington Post participants; to approximately 25% of Survey Monkey respondents; and now in 2016, a staggering 80% of online daters, ages 18 to 33 years, acknowledged that they have been ghosted. Though survey methods are known to have multiple flaws, these results suggest that the ghosting phenomenon has become a common practice of the break-up ritual.

Why do people unilaterally cease all contact for no apparent reason? Do they share the lifeless characteristics of a heartless ghost? Probably not — it’s more likely that electronic communication enables cowardice and reinforces passivity. Ghosting is an expression of how we separate from uncomfortable relationships, and may reflect a general pattern of avoidance that we bring to our friendships, jobs, and family connections.

CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING 4 REASONS TO SHOW UP INSTEAD OF DISAPPEAR:

1. Inaction speaks as loudly as action.

Silence carries as much meaning as any other form of communication. The difference is that the message is harder to decipher and more likely to be misinterpreted. In the absence of information, the ghosted party may create an inaccurate story instead of assuming your lack of interest. In fact, caring souls may be concerned that something unfortunate happened to you.

2. Connection provides closure.

Direct communication reduces negativity and provides closure for all parties. Valuable time and energy won’t be spent on wondering about how to handle the lack of contact and will spare both of you of awkward moments in the future. Closing the loop also provides an opportunity to clarify assumptions. You may be surprised to find the lack of interest is mutual!

3. Showing up is an expression of strength.

Showing up will not only allow the other to know where they stand with you — you will know where you stand with yourself. Kindly telling the truth is a display of your power to have hard conversations, commitment to finish what you started, and compassion to see beyond your own needs. It takes less than five minutes to save someone from feeling unworthy of your attention.

4. It’s the human thing to do.

You are a person, not a poltergeist. It’s not easy to tell a friend, romantic partner, or relative that you don’t want to spend time with them; but you are more likely to create what you want to avoid if you don’t communicate directly. You increase the likelihood of future conflict, having your intentions misunderstood, and sustaining unnecessary negative feelings. People deserve the respect of knowing that their relationship has changed with you instead of feeling haunted by confusion and unanswered questions. They may not appreciate your decision, but they will respect your honesty. The choice is yours: respond as human with a heart, or fade away like a soulless ghost.

Photo: Source

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Dr. Sandra Hamilton

While taking pre-med classes at the University of California, Santa Barbara, I became so distracted by psychology courses that I changed my major to pursue a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. My contributions to She Owns It are drawn from the professional perspective of a clinical psychologist, as well as the personal point of view of a single working mother and entrepreneur. I have maintained an independent psychology practice for over 20 years, taught as an adjunct assistant professor for over a decade, and somehow managed to survive raising two spirited daughters.

My expertise is grounded in years of working with individuals, couples, and families who have worked their way through catastrophic experiences as well as the inevitable demands of adult life. I admire their tenacity each time they schedule another session in the face of painful insights and difficult feelings.

Therapy is not a haircut. It’s not a quick fix, and you don’t always feel better when you leave.

Let’s connect: Website | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | Pinterest

Sandra Hamilton, Ph.D.

drsandrahamilton.com/

Valuing All Relationships: 5 Ways to Make Profound Connections by @DrSandraH

February 12, 2016 by Sandra Hamilton, Ph.D. Leave a Comment

by Dr. Sandra Hamilton | Featured Contributor

“Finding the one” and “lucky in love” are phrases that reflect the primacy of romantic relationships in our culture. Though a passionate and profound connection with a life mate is a beautiful adventure, those who choose to focus on other priorities, or have not had the opportunity, may feel that they are missing out on “living happily ever after.” Terms such as “significant other” and “committed relationship” imply a subtle devaluation of other relationships that may keep us from seeing the love that we do have in our lives.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development tracked the personal and professional lives of 724 people over the past seventy-five years. The results showed that the presence of meaningful relationships rather than a life partner was found to be a primary factor in living longer, protecting brain health, and maintaining emotional stability. The investigators also found that the quality — rather than the quantity — of emotional connections was more strongly associated with better overall health and well-being.

We have all experienced a moment when we wondered where we belong in the scheme of love and relationships. If you have lost an important relationship, be it friend, family or colleague; or have felt alone or lonely in spite of having many people in your life, consider these strategies to reconnect with yourself and others:

1. Identify your tribe.

Think of five people with whom who you feel most like yourself. Observe, appreciate, and nurture relationships with those five people instead of spending time with ten people that you feel obligated to see, experience dread when you make plans with them, and hide out when you are with them. Limit contact with people who leave you feeling drained, annoyed or numb. Relationships are a two-way street. If you feel worse after connecting with someone — it’s time to cross the street.

2. Seek depth not breadth.

As shown by the Harvard study, a short list of gratifying relationships is healthier than a long list of conflicted relationships with people you can’t count on. We all hold onto relationships that have become toxic or no longer meet our needs. It’s hard to let go of meaningful history with someone, or the hope that a dying relationship will renew itself. Even though the fear of hurting ourselves or someone else can be a tough obstacle to overcome, in the end, you will have more time, energy, and space to meet people that may become part of your tribe.

3. Create engagement.

There is much love to be had in the world with friends, colleagues, family, pets or even the barista at your local coffee shop. Show up and pay attention to what you are offered instead of focusing your attention on people who may never see you for who you truly are.

4. Help yourself by helping others.

Connect with the world by giving to others rather than focusing on not being loved. Serving others will give you a different perspective on your life as well as new ways to develop your innate talents.

5. Connect with people face to face.

Social media offers many opportunities for healthy connection, but can be misused as a substitute for human contact. Observe how much time and energy you spend on your online relationships. If you notice you’re spending most of your free time relating to faces on a screen, it’s time to unplug, look up, and see who’s in front of you.

The ability to spot what’s lacking in a contract or spreadsheet is a useful skill in the workplace, but focusing on what’s missing in our personal life can blind us from seeing the abundance of opportunity for emotional intimacy. Appreciating our tribe, and paying it forward to those in need, is the most powerful antidote for disconnection. Find the courage to let go of the relationships that drain you, and nurture the connections that are mutual. Anyone can be your significant other if you feel heard, seen, and happier for having spent time with them. And remember to take good care of you. A meaningful connection with yourself is the most significant relationship you will have in your lifetime.

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Dr. Sandra Hamilton

Therapy is not a haircut. It’s not a quick fix, and you don’t always feel better when you leave.

Let’s connect: Website | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn | Pinterest

Sandra Hamilton, Ph.D.

drsandrahamilton.com/

Being Emotionally Intelligent In Your Business By @BlissandFaith

November 16, 2015 by Tenns Reid 1 Comment

by Tenns Reid | Featured Contributor

We’ve all experienced times when our emotions get the best of us, running a business is no exception to this. The thing is that behind everything business is a real person (or people), so naturally when things happen they affect us personally on some level. As a human being, there isn’t much of a way around this, but there are ways to handle our emotions when it comes to our business that won’t having us reaping the consequences of irrational actions.

According to Psychology Today, Emotional Intelligence is:

The ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include 3 skills:

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;

2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;

3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

One of the main pieces of advice that my husband gave me and that he lives by is not making emotional decisions about things in life. Many times, emotion decisions are rash, not well thought out, and tend to get us in trouble, because of the poor judgement calls that come along with them. It took me a while to really understand what he meant, and honestly I had to learn the hard way that making emotionally based decisions was plain out a bad idea.

You can imagine how bad emotionally based decisions can turn out from a personal standpoint, but they can be even more detrimental when it comes to business. Operating a business should be approached with logical and strategic mindset, not an emotional one. I’m sharing some tips with you on how to be emotionally intelligent in business; making sound judgement decisions and maintaining your professionalism during times where things may come up that may entice us to act emotionally instead of logically.

While our businesses provide solutions to problems for our target market, our brand stands behind it as a way to connect with them. Our brand is what really gets people interested in our products or services, building trust and in turn garnering support, promotion, and sales. People need to know and trust that the brand they’ve chosen to spend their time, money, and energy on is making good, well-thought, and smart decisions. They need to know that the people in charge are not just flashes in the pan making rash decisions due to fluctuations in the market or competitor actions.

When we’re emotionally intelligent in our business, we maintain consistency. A brand without consistency isn’t a brand, and is a failure waiting to happen. An emotional decision made in business can effect consistency hugely, because it can cause a business owner to jump the gun and implement practices that are not in alignment with the brand. When you’re consistent, every decision you make is in alignment with your brand and the purpose of it. Emotions added into the mix, like with most things, can skew our views and cause us to not look at things objectively, a must in running a successful business.

Emotional Intelligence In Your Business

Be Humble

When we are humble, we’re not boastful about things and we keep the focus off ourselves on our customers. Our clients and customers don’t want to get the feeling that we think we’re better than them, that we’ve somehow arrived and yet they haven’t. We have to keep in mind that one of the most important parts of relationship building is trust and being seen as relatable. If our clients feel they can’t relate to use, they are more likely to seek other solutions to their problems, even if you have it readily available.

Think Before You Speak

Words carry a lot of weight, many times more than actions. You can take back words, no matter how many times you apologize. Thinking before you speak not only keeps you from hurting others feelings, but allows you to take the time to step back and think about if what you want to say is really necessary.

Set Personal Feelings Aside

The old phrase, ‘It’s business, not personal’ isn’t just a common colloquialism, but one that is so relevant in business. A lot of the time we get caught in our feelings when we can’t take constructive feedback or criticism, but an emotionally intelligent business owner doesn’t. The feedback and constructive criticism that we receive from our clients and customers help us to improve our products and services. Without it, we would not know how to best serve them and produce something that sets up aside from our competition and keeps our target market loyal to us.

Take Time to Make Decisions

A good business owner is one that makes well-thought, researched decisions. One of the biggest mistakes that business owners make, is making decisions too fast. The situation: You come up with an idea and it sounds absolutely awesome. You think this would be great for my business, I’m going to implement it ASAP. The issue: You haven’t taken enough time to think about how it will impact your business from both positive and negative standpoints. Although something may affect your business positivity in theory, you have to know if and how it really will benefit it. Does it align with what your brand stands for? How will it best serve your client/customer? – Will they find it useful? Will they appreciate it? Will they understand it? These are just a few of the things you must consider when making decisions in your business, and that is why it is all the more important to take your time in making them.

Get a Second Opinion

Two heads are better than one. We’ve all been told that at some point and its the true, no matter how you shake it. Just because your the sole decision maker in your business, doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you running ideas past someone. In actuality, its shows that you have confidence and assurance in your brand, being able to ask for and consider someone’s input. If you’re too emotionally attached to your business to the point where you feel no one else can offer anything useful to it, you’re making a mistake. It is a strength to seek knowledge and by getting a second opinion, that is exactly what you’re doing.

Pay Attention

As business owners, we have to constantly be paying attention to the environment around us. We mustn’t get too caught in our own goals and achievements that we only focus on ourselves. We need to know what’s going on with our team (if we have one) and especially what’s going on with our customers. This includes knowing and caring about what motivates them and being able to emphasize with that. Additionally, paying attention to things like body language and tone of voice are important, because it allows us to better communicate with them, further building a relationship. The key to success is being able to connect, knowing human nature, and being able to solve a problem. If we’re not paying attention, it makes it very for us to do a good job serving those we seek to do so with our brands.

Emotional intelligence isn’t complicated, it’s simple, like I said above its human nature. Being smart and objective are at the basis of being emotionally intelligent, however being tactful and compassionate are major parts of it as well. When we keep our emotions in check, it means that we can better respond to the emotions of those we serve. Our business exist to serve, so if we’re not putting our best foot forward in doing so, we’re not doing our jobs.

I believe the goal of most business owners is to do our jobs to the best of our abilities and build a strong, trusting, and legitimate brand. Emotional intelligence plays such a huge role in this, because in being emotionally intelligent, we’re always considering putting the needs of others first. Emotional intelligence in our businesses results in us being smarter, better, and more successful business owners who make good decisions and lead well.

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Tenns Reid is the voice and one-woman-show behind the branding, design, and coaching boutique, Bliss & Faith.

She helps fellow busy and creative female solopreneurs and entrepreneurs who are passionate about blogging and business bring their brands to life! Her goal is to provide a resource to help them reach their goals, embrace their passions, and strive for success. She is committed to educating, informing, and sharing with those who want to achieve their dreams.

Tenns holds a degree in Business Management with an emphasis in HR and a minor in Sociology. She has worked in many industries to include Retail, Restaurant, HR, & the Military, which has given her a wealth of knowledge and experience. In being a Brand Stylist, Business Coach, Designer, and Blogger, she is able to combine both the creative and artistic side of her brain, with the technical and analytical side. Tenns loves learning, researching, and solving problems and is so happy to be able do a job every day the marries so much of who she is, while being able to help others and make a difference in their lives.

Website | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Tenns Reid

5 Things Not to Say to a Friend Going Through a Break-up by @NowWithNicole

May 19, 2015 by Nicole Huffman Hollins Leave a Comment

by Nicole Huffman Hollins | Featured Contributor

It’s the middle of the night, and suddenly my phone rings. It’s my girl-friend calling to cry and declare that, “I’m done [with him.] It’s over- for real- this time.” Have you ever found yourself in my position? On the other hand, perhaps, you were the hysterical friend who needed a little support. Many of us have been there. If you have not, your time will come. When it does, the below are five things that your distraught friend does not want to hear at this time.

5 Things Not to Say to Your Friend Experiencing Relationship Drama

1.) “You should respect yourself more than to be with someone who mistreats you.”

This statement is very likely to trigger a defensive response from your friend. Even when she is aware of her partner’s inappropriate behavior, she still may be protective of her companion. It is important to choose your words wisely to prevent her from shutting down on you. Instead, try saying, “You deserve to be respected.” By making this change, your friend is not left feeling as if the mistreatment is her fault because she does not have enough self-respect to leave.

2.) “Why don’t you leave?”

This statement also may be considered judgment and cause your friend to start making excuses for her choices. Try saying, “You are welcome to come over or call me anytime.” This statement does not cast blame on either party. There is a greater chance that your friend will accept this sentiment as coming from concern rather than judgment. This will help her to open up when she feels ready.

3.) “If it were me….”

Stop. It is not you, and the sentiment is very likely to be considered as judgmental. Along those lines, saying, “If I were you…” and “I would never…,” also should be avoided.

4.) “I know how you feel.”

No. You do not know how she feels. Even if you have experienced a break-up you will never know exactly how she feels. While you may say these words out of an attempt to comfort her and show her that you understand, the person on the other side of this comment may be angered by what is taken as an invalidation of her unique experience. Instead, try saying, “How are you coping with everything?” This is an open-ended question that will allow your friend to express herself more freely.

5.) “It will be okay.”

In the eyes of someone who is going through relationship turmoil, it may never be okay, because it is difficult to see beyond the present reality. You may mean well, but when your girlfriend hears something along these lines, it may fill her with resentment and anger. Instead, try this, “We will get through this together.”

Loyalty and support from your girl-friends is appreciated during life’s trials. Your friend will appreciate your love and sincere expression of concern. It is important, however, that you remain thoughtful of how you express your support. Your good intentions could backfire and cause a rift in your friendship.

You may connect with me on Twitter at NowWithNicole.

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Attorney Nicole Huffman Hollins from Money Fit Kids Houston, Texas

Hi! I’m Nicole. My life’s purpose is to help children, women, and families bring align their faith, family, and finances so that they may live in freedom. Part of my mission is to help people recognize their worth, own who they are, and succeed in life by being true to self. I am the founder of Now With Nicole where I have had the opportunity to author self-help books such as The Girlfriend Code and Peaceful Pain and appear as a contributing writer for many on-line and print publications. I am also the creator and host of Now With Nicole Radio where I discuss topics regarding your Faith, Family, and Finances.” In addition to my own show, I enjoy appearing as a guest on Internet and network radio shows.

As a former family law attorney, I spent countless hours with fighting couples. Trying to find a more productive way to help these fractured families, I decided that mediation was a better route. While working with women and couples, I found that communication about money was a huge sore spot. After years of helping couples master mindfulness in their marriage and money, I saw a pressing need to educate and empower financial literacy from an early age. As a result, Money Fit Kids was created to encourage children from an early age to align the core values of faith, family, and financial fitness.

I am a lover of the written and spoken word who holds a journalism degree and Juris Doctor from the University of Texas at Austin. I make my home in Houston, Texas with my husband and son.

Web | Facebook | Twitter

Nicole Huffman Hollins

7 Do’s and Don’ts When Dealing With Jealousy in Your Relationship by @NowWithNicole

March 27, 2015 by Nicole Huffman Hollins Leave a Comment

by Nicole Huffman Hollins | Featured Contributor

In a previous article, I discussed the “ThreeWays That Relationships Can Benefit From Jealousy.” What do you do, however, when it is doing more harm than good in your relationship? If your goal is to have a healthy, mutually satisfying union where both parties feel secure, here are 7 do’s and don’ts for dealing with this possible relationship killer:

7 Do’s and Don’ts When Dealing With Your Partner’s Jealousy

1. Do talk about it.

Ignoring his feelings will make matters worse. Silence- or not listening- can be a relationship killer. Allow your partner the space to discuss his feelings so that you may work through the issue as a harmonious unit.

2. Do respect your partner’s feelings until they change.

Take the matter seriously. Do not blow him off and continue to do the thing that is causing the problem in your relationship. Unless your partner has a pattern of being insecure or a control freak, consider putting the brakes on the outside relationship that is causing the tension.

4. Do not beat him over the head with religious sayings.

If you are a spiritual person, do not misuse your religion’s guidebook to let your partner know he is wrong. Love instead of destructive criticism- or deflection- will go much further in amicable addressing the matter.

5. Do not use God as an excuse.

In line with number four, do not use God, or whomever you believe in, as an excuse to continue a relationship that your partner considers a threat to your union. People often pull the G-card as a defense mechanism to continue doing things that they want to do. It has nothing to do with any spiritual conviction.

6. Do not be defensive.

Explore your partner’s feelings with him in order to uncover the reason he is jealous over the other relationship. Listen to his point-of-view from a place of desiring to understand instead of merely waiting to shoot down his opinion. If this is not an abusive situation, you are not enemies. There is no need to build a wall to protect yourself.

7. Do determine your “why?”.

Finally, make certain to be honest with yourself about your “Why?” Why is this relationship that causes dis-ease with your partner more important to you than trying to work through his feelings together? What is your true motive for maintaining the outside relationship?

When you enter into a marriage, or any other type of partnership, it is important to remember that you are now apart of a team. If one part of the team is weak, the whole team can lose unless someone helps the one who is struggling. If jealousy is an issue in your relationship, before it has time to destroy your foundation, step back, assess the situation, and work together to find a solution to fix the problem. The solution very well may be that your partner is being insecure and needs to work on having more trust and faith in you. On the other hand the problem may actually be you, and you need to work on altering your thought process and behavior.

You may connect with me on Twitter at NowWithNicole.

photo credit: Eskimo Kiss via photopin (license)

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Attorney Nicole Huffman Hollins from Money Fit Kids Houston, Texas

I am a lover of the written and spoken word who holds a journalism degree and Juris Doctor from the University of Texas at Austin. I make my home in Houston, Texas with my husband and son.

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Nicole Huffman Hollins

Is ‘I’m Busy’ the Socially Acceptable Way of Saying ‘Eff You?’ by @mariedelcioppo

August 3, 2014 by Guest Post 5 Comments

Photo Credit: Evil Erin via Compfight cc

by Marie Delcioppo

Back in December 2013, the poo hit the fan in my little world. I had been soooo busy and soooo stressed for soooo long that I wound up soooo in the hospital with extreme exhaustion.

Since then, I have become very aware of others and my own busy-ness, and there are two truths I have discovered around being busy.

Truth #1

It’s insulting when you go on and on about how you cannot possibly do something because you are oh so busy.

When you say to someone “I am so busy,” what you are essentially saying is “You are not a priority to me.”

No, this is not true all the time, but, in my findings, it is more often than not. And, more importantly, when I have dug deep into what I really mean when I tell someone I am so busy — and what others have told me when they do the same — is that we are trying to make an excuse for why we don’t want to do something for or spend time with a certain person.

Simply put, it’s a socially acceptable way of saying “eff off.”

“Sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been so busy.”

I never thought about it before, but this phrase has an air of arrogance to it.

This being said, it takes seconds to send a text or an email.

And if you need to talk to the person live, cut the “I’ve been busy” crap. Shoot them a text or an email saying something like: “I want to know what’s been going on since we saw each other last. When is a good time for us to talk on the phone or meet up for coffee/tea/wine?”

The other person will feel fantastic because you are asking about them (and let’s face it: we all love to talk about ourselves and to feel wanted).

Truth #2

We are all busy… Or so we like to think.

Stop to think about what you are so busy doing. When I got real with myself about what I was soooo busy doing, I realized I was ruminating over the past, trying to predict the future, or just flat out complaining, mainly about how busy I was.

I had a high stress job. I traveled a lot, many times last minute. I had long conference calls and meetings and super tight deadlines. I was twisting myself into a pretzel to impress people. I worked seven days a week and all hours of the day.

Here’s the deal: No one is impressed by your busy-ness. It’s not a badge of honor.

When you chronically tell people how busy you are, it actually leads others to believe you have zero time management skills.

It is also WHINING! If you are so busy, do something about it. Get real with how you spend your time. How much time are you spending watching trashy reality tv shows or on Facebook?

We all get the same 24 hours. Period.

OUCH! Imagine having this realization while your iPhone and iPad are being confiscated and you’re in a hospital gown.

Since I couldn’t bathe myself in busy-ness, I made a stark realization… There was only ONE person to blame: ME!

I chose to tell my clients I could fix any and all problems they had. I chose to answer my phone at midnight on a Saturday and to jump on a plane first thing in the morning.

I made those choices.

And in the midst of all this running around and people pleasing, I would go on and on about how this always happened to me. People always treated me like this. And even if I switched jobs, location, friends, etc., nothing would ever change.

Being a victim is annoying. What’s even more annoying is listening to someone go on and on about their victimhood.

There’s a common denominator to all of your problems — and successes — YOU.

Unfortunately, many of us wrap ourselves in a cocoon of busy-ness to avoid dealing with our lives and ourselves. We don’t want to face the music — that we are in control — so we waste all sorts of time, money, energy, and resources to create a lot of noise around us so that we don’t have to hear the voice inside our own head and heart.

The voice telling us that we are worthy. Worthy of whatever it is we want. The voice telling us that we have the power to choose.

What you choose to do and not do is your choice. If it’s a priority, you’ll find the time. If it’s not, you’ll probably say you are too busy. Instead, own your decision and be honest about it.

Amazingly enough, since I’ve dropped the “I’m busy” script, I’m actually more productive and consciously decide on whom and what I want to spend my time, which makes me a helluva lot happier and more well rested.

No more excuses. What I do is a choice, and I own all of them, good and bad.

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Marie Delcioppo is the found of Lush Vitality — the source for all things body, mind, food, fitness, and home. After working in crisis communications and corporate PR, Marie started her own full-service marketing agency for lifestyle brands, which she still continues to own and operate. She also owned a Pilates studio for 10 years and, after wanting to be more location-independent, now travels, teaching fitness and nutrition workshops around the country, and conducts online wellness programs.

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