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How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome by @dance_maryellen

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by Maryellen Dance

Most entrepreneurs have heard the term imposter syndrome. If you are anything like me, you’ve been living with imposter syndrome.

For those that aren’t familiar with this term, imposter syndrome just a bunch of negative, uncomfortable, and inadequate feelings that occur even despite success. Imposter syndrome can look different in all of us and maybe you have your own name of what we call these feelings. For me, it looks like discounting my success, fear that my success will suddenly all go away, and thoughts such as “Why are people coming to me to ask this? There’s so many other smarter, better, well known people out there they should go to instead, what do I really know?”

Here’s the thing about imposter syndrome, all the experts out there, say that it’s normal. They say that imposter syndrome is all part of the process of growing as an entrepreneur. They say that imposter syndrome can be a good thing. Great, I’m glad it’s a good thing, but how in the world is that supposed to make me feel better when I am going through it? How is that supposed to help when I have a client sitting in front of me and thinking “I have no clue what to say or how to help this person”.

I’m just going to say it: Imposter syndrome sucks. For me, it takes away all my self confidence, it takes away my ability to trust myself and my judgment, and it just in general feels horrible. But, those experts are right in that imposter syndrome can be really beneficial. There are just a few things we need to do to make imposter syndrome work for us instead of work against us.

First thing’s first, imposter syndrome is normal. As much as hearing that doesn’t change or fix anything, it is an important fact to remember.

Now that we have all accepted that it’s normal…what do we do about it?

 
1. We recognize it. We call it imposter syndrome. We suck it up and tell our friends/colleagues/mentors/therapist whoever is a support system that we’re feeling like an imposter. That we have some days where we’re confident and feeling like we can take on the world and there’s no way our business won’t be successful, and then we have some days where we feel like we’re just faking it all and it’s going to come crashing down on us. I’m a therapist, so this may sound a little cliché, but awareness really is key.

A few years ago, I was talking to a mentor and I made some off hand comment about how I’m “really bad at anything accounting related” in my personal and business life. This person looked at me and said “Right, because you’ve built and sustained a business for over three years and grown every year, you must be really bad at accounting.” Now, I still don’t believe that I’m the greatest at accounting, but this person was right, I must know something! I didn’t even realize that I was chalking my business up to dumb luck and that’s a form of imposter syndrome, until I had this conversation. Which leads me to my second point:

2. Recognize how you’re talking to yourself. Again, maybe this sounds a bit cliché, but we tell ourselves so many stories that aren’t true (ie: “I’m bad at accounting” “I just got lucky” “It’s not a big deal if this all falls apart tomorrow, it’s just a hobby”)…these ‘stories’ we tell ourselves keep us stuck. They keep us stuck in not trying anything that is outside of the story, that doesn’t move past the narrative of the story. They keep us taking actions that fit within the story so we keep the story going and never growing…we have to change our stories.

3. Keep your ego in check. At the end of the day, it’s all about the ego, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We all have egos, and they exist for a reason. But we need to keep these egos in check, or they get out of control. Egos can make us do some weird things, like I don’t know start businesses (one of those aforementioned good things about egos) but they can also make us self-sabotage, lash out at others, and turn us all into anxious messes. All of our egos need to be kept in check so that they don’t secretly turn against us.

4. Lastly, remember those things that make you feel like an imposter? For me the most common are: “I’m too young, I don’t have enough experience” “There’s way more qualified people out there” or “Who am I to try to counsel people when my life is often a mess?” Those things, as much as they don’t feel like it, are actually huge strengths. Those are the things that probably make you amazing at what you do and make you stand out because those things show that you’re a human, that you have overcome adversity, that you are humble in knowing that you don’t have all the answers, nor should you have all the answers. Those are the things that draw people to you. The things that help others trust you. Those things are pure gold.

 

If we can use our imposter syndrome for us, rather than against us, then we’ve completed one of the most important steps to grow.

Angie Langley – A Journey! by @JenBJourney

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by Angie Langley

Self-confidence is an important factor in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many of us struggle to find it. I haven’t always been the most confident person and as a child was desperately shy, especially at school where I was often picked on for being the quiet one standing in the corner of the playground afraid to join in with the others. It was also a major crisis for me in the classroom when asked to stand up and speak during English and French lessons which often ending up in recitals of garbled gobbledegook, giving the rest of the class a good laugh and making me a prime target for a group of girls who constantly bullied me.

My only defensive mechanism in those days was to escape into a world of endless daydreams which provided me with the ability to detach myself from my immediate surroundings and disappear into a La La Land of romantic heroes’ and happy forever endings. My school reports were always pretty predictable… ‘ Jennifer won’t achieve anything in life unless she stops her silly daydreaming’. Ultimately for me though it was a matter of surviving school, if only with a limited number of qualifications.

Throughout my adult life my self-confidence has grown in dribs and drabs, but it was only a few years ago when my life took an emotional tumble after a failed relationship that I finally found my inner self by taking a risk and stepping out of my comfort zone, learning new skills and stretching myself beyond my previous capabilities.

This new found confidence led me to writing my first novel, ‘Jennifer Brown’s Journey’ which is largely based on my own personal experiences, a great way of expressing my inner thoughts. I’ve always wanted to write a book that above all would make people laugh, but for balance I also wanted to include some poignant situations and real life drama that people could relate to.

My initial attempts at writing a book only served to highlight the wasted periods of my education but I persevered, determined to improve and ready to learn from my earlier mistakes. It was during that period that I began to realise what was really holding me back. It wasn’t my lack of education but that my quiet, subdued personality had led me to becoming a submissive person, always eager to help, to please, but laying me open to being dominated by an ex partner to the extent that my self-worth had dived close to zero.

What I needed was to be surrounded by people who would encourage and help me along the path I wanted to go as a writer. Several years after my previous relationship collapsed I was fortunate to find a kindred spirit, someone who really loved me and offered me the encouragement and support that had been so lacking in the past. Then, like a spring flower emerging from the depths of a harsh winter I started to blossom, confidence and my dormant creativity was starting to grow. My first book was an affirmation of my new, confident self and its success has led to the current creation of a sequel, the second in a trilogy planned for the future. The act of writing, recording my life’s experience, has also acted as a form of catharsis, allowing me the clarity of vision to look beyond the past into a much brighter future.

So confidence needs to be nurtured and encouraged by those around you. They need to understand your difficulties and genuinely want to help you along the road to a more positive and assertive way of life. Negativity and discouragement from others only serves to trample on the delicate flowering of the self-confidence we are all capable of achieving in life.

 

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Angie Langley is an author from Wiltshire who’s first novel ‘Jennifer Brown’s Journey’ focuses on her real life experiences when life took an emotional tumble in the not-so distance past. A lighthearted, humorous read, the first in a series of three books Angie tells her story with with honesty and bags of humour including poignant and everyday situations that many women will relate to. Now a motivational speaker who champions the importance of self-belief she tackles the subject of self-confidence and how the lack of it often effects so many in our society. Angie is convinced confidence needs to be nurtured and encouraged by those around us and is currently in the process of starting up a Facebook page encouraging women to chat about their lack of self-confidence and in return offer free advice. Her message to other women

“The key to self-confidence is believing YOU CAN!”

The Power of You in Business by @SaabyConsulting

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The Power of You in Business

Photo by mentatdgt from Pexels

by Karen Jensen | Featured Contributor

I’ve spoken to so many women over the last several years – across all industries, revenue models and business types.

In all but rare cases, there are still some old patterns of behaviors and expectations that we really need to be committed to get rid of PERMANENTLY.

Do you fit into any of these?  I know I did…

  • Lacking confidence – I don’t know why, but especially in business ownership, women are less likely to approach situations with confidence. It may be cultural, gender related or any number of other things, but it’s got to stop!

Remedy?

You got this!!  We are moms, sisters, friends, household managers, partners, business executives et al.  And we are doing most of those things at the same time!  If you aren’t born with confidence, that’s ok – it can be learned.  You ARE good at things – think about all those things, write them down, shout them from the rooftops.  People are naturally drawn to someone who is confident.  In a world of competition, you need every advantage you can get.

  • Not all women LEAN IN – I can’t say I know the why of this one either – but I’ve seen it too many times to know that not all women lean in. Some of our business sisters haven’t gotten the message yet, or they got it and disregarded it.

Remedy?

You be the business sister that LEANS IN.

When I first started out, I approached a woman that I thought might be a good mentor, or just someone that I thought would have a good perspective.  I told her I was having troubling connecting with potential clients.  She asked me to make my pitch to her – right there on the spot.  Well, see Item #1 above lol.  I stumbled a bit and told her I started my business after being laid off/outsourced.  She stopped me right there and said, “You sound like a loser”.   Needless to say, that wasn’t what I was looking for, BUT I did learn something from that.  She was right in a way.  I wasn’t owning my story with confidence and I wasn’t prepared.

I do things a lot differently to LEAN IN when I’m approached by an entrepreneur.  I know how hard it is when you are first starting out to approach someone you don’t know and figure out a way to talk to them.  When they stumble a little bit or start to apologize, I stop them….and tell them what they are doing, why they shouldn’t do that and how great they are for being on this journey!  Some of them have cried because no one has really treated them with any respect in their business journey.

It’s bad business to treat people disrespectfully and kindness is NOT weakness.  The business world is VERY connected.  Reputation is everything for a small business.  I’m not taking anyone’s crap, but I’m also mindful of my behavior and how it is a reflection on my business.

  • Failure to delegate and accept that you can’t do it all. We want to be everything to everybody all the time under every circumstance.  Sound familiar?

Remedy?

You are a leader, and leaders cultivate people who can do all kinds of different things.  It doesn’t make sense for you to get up at four o’clock in the morning and drive yourself tirelessly through the day until midnight, then do it again the next day.  I hate to break it to you, but on that schedule, you aren’t doing the best you can.  You might be doing the most you can, but not the best.  Get a good night’s sleep!  You want to be around to see all the results of your hard work.  Set realistic goals for yourself every morning but incorporate flexibility into your design.  Things happen!  The people who survive are the people who can best adapt to change.  Try a virtual assistant – just to dip your toe in the waters of delegation.  If you can let go of a few things (that someone else can do better than you can), you have more time to work on new business and solidifying core business.  You are also helping to strengthen the workforce supply chain.

You are the business!  Take care of yourself!  Believe in yourself!  Just think of the example you will be setting for those that come after you!

All the best.

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The Power of You in Business by Saaby Consulting Company

The Benefits of Being Bold

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by Tara Eggenspiller

For years I struggled to have a certain confidence I saw in my closest friend – I’ll call her Katie (her name really is Katie!) when she sang karaoke and made friends everywhere we went. Somewhere along the lines I had branded myself as ‘someone with social anxiety’. Looking back I don’t think this was a legitimate issue. Still, I sure wasn’t singing show tunes in front of a group of strangers.

This internal fear also stopped me from putting my authentic self out there when it came to executing business ideas. I was under the incorrect assumption that things needed to be perfect before I could reveal them to the world. I had set myself up for failure by not showing people what I was working on and allowing myself to be seen. I think many people struggle with perfectionism and it both handicaps and serves as an excuse when they fail to take action.

I thought of the kind of person I aspired to be. What would she do? How could I pick up her confidence and use it as if it were mine? When I started creating a handbag line I realized I would have to start putting myself out there if I wanted a successful launch. I started reaching out to strangers for feedback on designs, writing about my experiences, and basically not caring if anyone thought my ideas were stupid or not. The dividends of being bold have paid off in numerous ways personally and in my handbag business.

1. It Builds Confidence
Once I started being authentic my confidence in ALL areas rose. I realized I wouldn’t die and that most people are too busy thinking about themselves anyway. It’s true as well that others will only believe in your idea if you do. When I started believing my business and its mission were worthwhile others believed it too. It’s all perception.

2. You’ll Get Feedback
When you share your ideas and allow yourself to be vulnerable you open up your self to valuable feedback you wouldn’t have been otherwise able to obtain. People will appreciate you being real and in turn give you advice you might have otherwise had to pay for.

3. You Make Connections
Most the time people will either a) support you or b) not care. By being authentic I met many people in category a. I’ve had people come out of the woodwork and help me with logos, branding, and connecting with boutiques simply because I told them what I was up to.

4. You Help Others
This should probably go first. You never know who you empower when you’re authentic. You could miss out on opportunities to show others how you made it to where you are if you keep everything to yourself. You might be the shot of hope they need to pursue their dream.

Something to say about keeping to yourself through beginning hurdles.

So should you tell the world every new venture you’re working on; every new idea that comes to mind? Well, I do think there’s something to be said about the positive momentum that builds up in the silence. I think it’s more about not letting fear be the reason you hold things back so that when you’re ready you don’t launch to crickets.

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Tara Eggenspiller is an accountant who decided to pursue her long time passion of launching a fashion line. She designs Angela Mariah handbags for artistic and adventurous professional women.

How Values Affect Your Confidence by @Barbclifford

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by Barbara Clifford | Featured Contributor

Most people will think of values as loyalty, honesty, integrity etc. While these virtues are important and admirable, they are more about honor and belief by which we which you choose to live.  But what about the beliefs and values that sit at your very core? These are the things that you place great importance on. If you ask a parent, they’d immediately say their children are what they value most, because that’s the honourable thing to say and do. Yes, they should take priority in our lives. However, when you look at what is at your core, this is what will drive you, like a compass and fuel you to fulfil those other virtues.

For example, after doing numerous processes to determine my core beliefs and values,  I was surprised to find that what I valued most was organization. I love to make sense of things, to find order in the chaos. To find meaning and purpose in things.  This is what I value most and when I am in that space, it is then that my relationships with my children are more empowered. I can have integrity, honesty and humility but only when I am in an organized space.

 

How Do Core Values Affect Our Day?

You make decisions based on your values every day, sometimes without realizing it.

  Procrastination is choosing to do things that give us pleasure over the things that don’t.

Sometimes you might find yourself in a stressed state, unsure of how you got there.  When you can dig deep, and allow a level of honesty, and transparency with yourself, you can often find what is at the foundation of this stress.

Decisions become easier when you are clear on your core beliefs and values.  Decisions become difficult when you are confused by expectations, or the expectations we place on yourself. This expectation of shoulds and should nots, stem from other’s values and other’s beliefs. You might think about what your partner, parents or boss would expect of you, rather than what is true to who you are. When you are unclear on what you value, you find the decision making process so much harder. You feel less confident about your decisions and doubt whether you are strong enough to make the right one. When you have established a clear parameter around what your values are, you can use them like a filter, running your decisions through them. Decisions become much easier.  Once you get in the habit of making big or small decisions through this filter, it has a snowball effect. You will feel less stressed and more attune to the “right” path in life.

 

How Do We Find Out Our Values and Core Beliefs?

To establish what your values and core beliefs are, you need only look at those sticky habits. Look at your environment around you. What things are common or consistent on your desk, pin-up board or fridge. What things are you attracted to?  Or think about the things that distract you on social media, what rabbit holes will you wander down? What do you get distracted watching or reading and time slips by without you being aware? Think about the conversations you have socially. What are the common topics you will bring into the conversation?

If there are tensions at work, at home or in your social circles, what is it that is being challenged? What is it you feel uncomfortable about? It is likely that this is in conflict with something that is important to you and not to them. It is likely that this is something you place great value on and have done for some time, it is a fundamental, core belief.

A great exercise is to randomly jot down idea, values, virtues and beliefs onto post it notes. Try to tap into the shadow parts of your being. You can then prioritize them in importance. Don’t worry, they order will change and quite often our values will change slightly too.  Just the act of formalizing your thoughts around these ideas will give your confidence a real boost.

 

Keep Your Values Front of Mind

Once you’ve determined what your core beliefs and values are, it’s important not to lose sight of them. Keep them close by, find affirmations that re-affirm them and keep them close at hand.  It allows you to listen to you, to listen to your heartbeat.  You’ll find that when you feel unnerved, unsettled, stressed or take a blow to your confidence, simply by revisiting your values, you can feel empowered once more. You can feel refueled and reminded of what is truly important to who you are.

Don’t forget to revisit and rework your values.  As your confidence grows, as you mature, you may find that not all of them are as important as they once were.

 

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The Fraidy Cat Entrepreneur by @jennieormson

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The Fraidy Cat Entrepreneur

by Jennie Ormson | Featured Contributor 

Did you hear about that entrepreneur that couldn’t get past her fear? Ya, neither did I. Because she no longer exists. Fear had her pinned in a chokehold up against the wall and she didn’t fight back. Her dreams died. Her plans fizzled. The energy drained out of her big ideas and she slunk back to the 9-5 utterly defeated and shaken. She left fear behind and wrapped herself in the cocoon of someone else’s corporation, someone else’s dreams, risks, and decision-making.

Being an entrepreneur entails pushing our relationship with ourselves to the very limits and back. Owning your own business will strain you and stretch you and kick up every fear you’ve ever imagined, and many you haven’t.

          Will they like me?

          Will they like my product/service/program?

          Will it float or will it flop?

          What if …?

                    What if…?

                              What if… ?

If I was the sweet, soft, squishy type I’d stroke your head and say “Shhh, shhh, shhh, there there now. Fear is a liar.”. Fortunately I’m not the sweet, soft, squishy type. I’m a realist who’s here to help entrepreneurs grow and push through their limits. Sure, sometimes fear is a liar. Sometimes the thing we stress and struggle over never comes to pass and we’ve wasted a whack load of sleep, energy, and time over nothing.

But sometimes fear IS NOT a liar. Sometimes the things we fear DO come to pass. When we give in to our fear we drop the ideas or drop the ball. Fear can freeze us and convince us that taking that risk is a bad idea. IF we listen to it.

I’ve been circulating in the world of high achievers for close to two decades now, learning what makes them tick and fires them up. I have yet to hear from a successful business owner:

“Every single thing I tried was a massive success. Failure? I can’t think of any.”

One of my favourite topics to discuss with entrepreneurs is the efforts that didn’t work. The bombs. The Bad Ideas. The poorly executed pitches. The flops. The really funny part is that usually they begin their response with a laugh or smile as they go on to recall and recount their tale. But these aren’t tales of woe. These are tales of learning. They didn’t let the failures break them. They learn from it and carry on.

As an adult, after not skating for a decade, I decided to take skating lessons. We were all a bit wobbly on the ice those first few minutes, sticking to the safe strokes and easy glides. On that very first day the instructors did something brilliant: they made us fall. Intentionally. Over and over again. They also taught us how to get back up safely without our feet flying out from under us. This allowed us to try bigger and bolder moves: skating faster, skating backwards, cross overs, crosscuts, turns, and stops. Was I scared? Hell ya. Did I do it anyway? Absolutely.

Now every winter I make the trip to the Rideau Canal in Ottawa, skating for miles on the world’s longest outdoor skating rink with confidence and delight. It was about more than skating. It was about wanting to do something well. Learning something new (or relearning it). Facing the fear. Putting in the hours, risking embarrassment and judgment, and ploughing on ahead. As entrepreneurs, stubbornness is an asset that will offset fear. Learning to fall, on the ice and in business, is absolutely necessary if we want to be successful.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Will there be judgment and rejection from some people? Most certainly. Will you survive? Most definitely. You won’t appeal to everyone and that’s just fine. Will some endeavors sink like a stone? Yup. Will you be alright? Sure. Just because some ventures fail, it doesn’t mean YOU are a failure. Don’t catastrophize the losses – learn from them. Sift through the ashes and rubble to figure out what you could have done differently, done better. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there. Remember why you started.

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Jennie OrmsonJennie Ormson knows the power of a strong relationship, and the impact of a crummy partnership. As a Relationship Expert, her mission is to empower people with the skills they need to communicate effectively, fight fair, and revive the sparkle. Jennie’s core belief is that there is immense power in being heard and feeling understood. Her gift is helping couples understand what’s going on in their emotional landscape, and how to navigate the peaks and valleys. She’s relatable and practical, helping people to balance speaking up and knowing when to shut up.

For over 20 years as a therapist, Jennie has provided insight, compassion, and the ability to thrive. Her work in Canada, America, Ireland, and the UK has impacted thousands of lives. With three young kids, a booming private practice, an exciting online venture, and a partner of 25 years, Jennie understands the need to juggle it all with grace and humour.

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Is your confidence affecting your business? by @livelovework

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by Chrysta Bairre | Featured Contributor

Your self-confidence is directly related to your success in business. And it’s not just your confidence in yourself that matters- it’s your confidence in your business.

Are you confident asking for new opportunities? Are you confident asking for the sale? Are you confident asking to be paid what you’re worth for your services?

Is your confidence affecting your business?

I had a recent conversation with a service-based business owner who told me she was frustrated she had to reduce her pricing because her nearby competitors were charging less. I asked her, “are you providing a quality service that benefits your clients?” She told me she was.

I asked her, “are you providing unique value and service to your clients?” She replied affirmatively.

I asked her, “are you losing clients to your competitors?” She said, “no.”

Finally, I asked her, “do you think what someone else charges affects the value you provide to your clients?”

Comparing ourselves to others is one way we, as women, undermine our confidence and the value we provide in business.

When have you compared yourself to someone else in your business, and how has that affected your success?

If you’re starting to wonder if your confidence is affecting your business, well, the answer is yes, it is. Fortunately, you can boost your confidence and, as a result, boost your business, too!

Is your confidence affecting your business?

7 ways to boost your business confidence

 

1. Identify your unique value

Consider how you are unique in your business. How is your product or service uniquely qualified to solve your customer’s problems? What makes you unique sets you apart!

2. Qualify your value

Know that you’re good at what you do! What are your client success stories? What results do you consistently achieve for your clients? When your clients rave about your business, what do they say?

3. Stop comparing yourself to others

Instead of comparing yourself to your competitors, focus on being the best at what you do. Provide the best customer service. Get your clients the best results. When you’re the best, the competition doesn’t matter.

4. Ask for recommendations and referrals

You have clients who love you and your work so don’t forget to ask them for reviews and referrals!

5. Practice gratitude

The more grateful you are, the more you’ll have to be grateful for and the more confident you’ll feel about your business. Regularly thank your clients for their business. Thank your business partners, employees, and vendors, too!

6. Say no

Say no to opportunities that aren’t a good fit for you and your business and you’ll have more time and energy for opportunities that are a good fit. And do not feel guilty about firing clients. You don’t need everyone’s business.

7. Take 100% responsibility

This is your business, so take 100% responsibility for your successes and failures. Stop blaming your circumstances or other people for how things are going in your business. When you take 100% responsibility you ask better questions, find more solutions, have more freedom, and enjoy more success!

Being a business owner is hard- it’s really hard. Some days you’ll feel on top of your game and other days you’ll feel like a failure. Sometimes you may even fail.

Nurture your confidence regularly and you’ll have more success in your business. Revisit this post as often as you can to keep your confidence high and your business going strong!

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Chrysta Bairre She Owns It ContributorChrysta Bairre is a nerdy, quirky, happy-go-lucky entrepreneur and Confidence Coach with a passion for helping women recognize and communicate their value in business.

Chrysta is the founder of Live Love Work, an online resource that bridges the gap between personal and professional development to inspire women to love their work and their lives while being all-around awesome!

A work-life balance and happiness expert, Chrysta may be seen skipping down the sidewalk or riding her Buddy 125 scooter down the road with a huge smile on her face.

With 20+ years in business management, accounting, finance, and human resources, Chrysta uses her experience as a career and business coach to help women stand up, stand out, and get recognized.

Chrysta currently serves on the Board of Directors for Dance Express, a dance troupe for persons with and without disabilities. She is also a foster volunteer for Larimer Humane Society.

She shares her home in Fort Collins, Colorado with her husband and a flurry of furry children.

Want more Chrysta? Here’s where you find her!

Twitter @livelovework
Facebook Live Love Work

Yeah,  you got this! Go out and be awesome!

Self-Confident and So Sexy! by @askjoshsmom

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confident woman

by Rossana Snee

There’s a belief that one has to be drop-dead gorgeous, or just plain beautiful, to be sexy. But is that really the case? There are a lot of beautiful women with low self-esteem, and who actually hate the way they look. Nothing sexy about that.

Cameron Russell, a model that I heard give a lecture on a TED Talk , said she “won the genetic lottery because she is tall, pretty, and an underwear model.” But she also went on to say, “ . . . the thing that we never say on camera, that I have never said on camera, is, ‘I am insecure.’ And I’m insecure because I have to think about what I look like every day. And if you ever are wondering, “If I have thinner thighs and shinier hair, will I be happier?” you just need to meet a group of models, because they have the thinnest thighs and the shiniest hair and the coolest clothes, and they’re the most physically insecure women probably on the planet.

“Looks aren’t everything. Believe me, I’m a model.”

We compliment “beautiful” people all the time. And maybe we’re even envious, thinking they’ve got it made. I mean, what’s more important than being Beautiful, right? A lot more! Being self-confident is the real way to exude sexiness.
After all, beautiful people had nothing to do with their beauty. It was just a combination of genes ending up a certain way.

I’m not saying that being beautiful is an undesirable thing. Hey, if you got the gene combo that makes you beautiful, more power to you. Enjoy! What I am saying is that being beautiful physically doesn’t automatically make you beautiful. There’s a lot more that goes into it.

Have you ever known a beautiful person, and the more you got to know them, the less beautiful they became? What happened? Unless they were disfigured in an accident, their looks didn’t change, right? The opposite is also true. When I first met my algebra teacher while working on my B. A., I didn’t consider her to be very attractive, by most people’s standards. But, oh my, by the end of the quarter she was one of the most beautiful people I’d ever met. Her true beauty—her intelligence, sense of humor, kindness, and dedication—emanated out of her, and that’s all I could see.

Having self-confidence can make you truly beautiful, and not having it can make you look weak and unattractive. You were not in control of your genetic make up, but you are in control of how you move through life. Self-confidence shows in how you carry yourself, how you talk, walk, and present yourself. That’s more important and noticeable than a beautiful person who is awkward, and self-loathing.

Genetics are genetics. It’s a roll of the dice. But self-confidence is something else; it is the Recognition of who you truly are. And there’s nothing more beautiful, and sexy than that!

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Rossana SneeRossana Snee is a Marriage & Family Therapist. She has worked with individuals, couples, and families. Her present focus, however, is working with young women in their 20s, specifically 21 – 26. She facilitates a monthly group called An Afternoon With Josh’s Mom, whereby she guides, empowers, and promotes self-love. Her goal is to provide these young women with the guidance to make decisions in their best interest.

Visit her at askjoshsmom.com, Facebook.com/askjoshsmom, and Twitter (@askjoshsmom). She endeavors to inspire and motivate, and to be a springboard for her reader’s self-growth.