Who’s in the wrong here? Hard to tell.

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6 Replies to “Who’s in the wrong here? Hard to tell.”

  1. Nikki

    It’s not easy dealing with situations like that. Just last week I was sitting with my 10yr old nephew and his parents in the waiting room at the hospital. My precious boy was about to have surgery.
    A woman proceeded to tell excruciating details about her child’s surgery in a very loud voice. She used words that made my nephew cringe and built his fear about what was about to happen to him.
    This upset me terribly. I saw red and my first instinct was tell her to shut up and maybe call her out on being insensitive and stupid but I’m proud to say I didn’t.
    I took a breath, counted to ten and practiced what I was going to say in my head before I said it. This does not come naturally to me at all especially where my nephew is concerned.
    I went over to her and very quietly said: “excuse me, you may not realize it but my nephew can hear every word you’re saying. He’s about to go into surgery and if you don’t mind, please lower your voice and spare him the graphic details. He doesn’t need to hear it.” She looked at me with shock and said, “oh, what kind of surgery is he having?” I said, “it doesn’t really matter does it? Please be kind and lower your voice.” And she did.
    I couldn’t believe that came out of me. Visions of my hands around her throat left me and calm was restored. It’s something that may never come naturally to me but I will continue to practice.

    1. admin[ Post Author ]

      Wow! Really admire how you handled the situation. That’s the example I want to set in the future.

  2. Stephanie Martin

    I can totally empathize with you!!! We’ve all had those moments. One thing that helps me is trying to focus on communicating directly as possible, rather than being manipulative. Something in our human nature just makes us react spitefully sometimes? Idk. But you are a good person, we can all tell just from the story … Some people are clueless with respect to consideration for others!

    1. admin[ Post Author ]

      I just wish I’d taken a more direct route that MIGHT of let her know it was her kids that were out of line instead of the passive aggressive route that left her feeling like I was the a$*hole! Lesson learned. Working on my communication skills 🙂

  3. Susie Newday

    That was a really good read and insightful.

    Funny because I was at the beach this week too and had some similar thoughts about kids and so on.

    My question to you is-if that other mother had been a smoker and didn’t think lighting up next to kids was a bad thing but decided to move her kids because of the fear of them getting burnt would you have felt quite as bad?

    How much of our being angry at ourselves comes because we want to be liked and don’t want to be seen as wrong or the bad guys?

    I wrote a post that will be on World Moms Blog this week about being a bad mother. I was at the seaside for one night and day while my 22 year old son was in the hospital getting IV antibiotics. I knew he was okay. I wanted to be with him but I also needed the break. I felt horrible but a good portion of my guilt was because of my beating myself up because I was influenced by what I thought public perception of my actions were.

    Does that make any sense?

    1. admin[ Post Author ]

      You make a good point. I struggle with “what will other people think” issue & “mom guilt” issue too. I have some pretty good conversations with myself and usually sanity prevails but it’s still an ongoing battle. I should have taken the direct route and simply told the mom that I would appreciate it if – instead of the passive aggressive option that left me questioning my actions. Live and learn. It’s a process.

      And like you, I’ve had similar situations with mom guilt. Your day at the beach was the right thing to do. There will always be someone who thinks you’re doing it wrong!

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