by Nicole Huffman Hollins | Featured Contributor
In a previous article, I discussed the “ThreeWays That Relationships Can Benefit From Jealousy.” What do you do, however, when it is doing more harm than good in your relationship? If your goal is to have a healthy, mutually satisfying union where both parties feel secure, here are 7 do’s and don’ts for dealing with this possible relationship killer:
7 Do’s and Don’ts When Dealing With Your Partner’s Jealousy
1. Do talk about it.
Ignoring his feelings will make matters worse. Silence- or not listening- can be a relationship killer. Allow your partner the space to discuss his feelings so that you may work through the issue as a harmonious unit.
2. Do respect your partner’s feelings until they change.
Take the matter seriously. Do not blow him off and continue to do the thing that is causing the problem in your relationship. Unless your partner has a pattern of being insecure or a control freak, consider putting the brakes on the outside relationship that is causing the tension.
4. Do not beat him over the head with religious sayings.
If you are a spiritual person, do not misuse your religion’s guidebook to let your partner know he is wrong. Love instead of destructive criticism- or deflection- will go much further in amicable addressing the matter.
5. Do not use God as an excuse.
In line with number four, do not use God, or whomever you believe in, as an excuse to continue a relationship that your partner considers a threat to your union. People often pull the G-card as a defense mechanism to continue doing things that they want to do. It has nothing to do with any spiritual conviction.
6. Do not be defensive.
Explore your partner’s feelings with him in order to uncover the reason he is jealous over the other relationship. Listen to his point-of-view from a place of desiring to understand instead of merely waiting to shoot down his opinion. If this is not an abusive situation, you are not enemies. There is no need to build a wall to protect yourself.
7. Do determine your “why?”.
Finally, make certain to be honest with yourself about your “Why?” Why is this relationship that causes dis-ease with your partner more important to you than trying to work through his feelings together? What is your true motive for maintaining the outside relationship?
When you enter into a marriage, or any other type of partnership, it is important to remember that you are now apart of a team. If one part of the team is weak, the whole team can lose unless someone helps the one who is struggling. If jealousy is an issue in your relationship, before it has time to destroy your foundation, step back, assess the situation, and work together to find a solution to fix the problem. The solution very well may be that your partner is being insecure and needs to work on having more trust and faith in you. On the other hand the problem may actually be you, and you need to work on altering your thought process and behavior.
You may connect with me on Twitter at NowWithNicole.
Attorney Nicole Huffman Hollins from Money Fit Kids Houston, Texas
Hi! I’m Nicole. My life’s purpose is to help children, women, and families bring align their faith, family, and finances so that they may live in freedom. Part of my mission is to help people recognize their worth, own who they are, and succeed in life by being true to self. I am the founder of Now With Nicole where I have had the opportunity to author self-help books such as The Girlfriend Code and Peaceful Pain and appear as a contributing writer for many on-line and print publications. I am also the creator and host of Now With Nicole Radio where I discuss topics regarding your Faith, Family, and Finances.” In addition to my own show, I enjoy appearing as a guest on Internet and network radio shows.
As a former family law attorney, I spent countless hours with fighting couples. Trying to find a more productive way to help these fractured families, I decided that mediation was a better route. While working with women and couples, I found that communication about money was a huge sore spot. After years of helping couples master mindfulness in their marriage and money, I saw a pressing need to educate and empower financial literacy from an early age. As a result, Money Fit Kids was created to encourage children from an early age to align the core values of faith, family, and financial fitness.
I am a lover of the written and spoken word who holds a journalism degree and Juris Doctor from the University of Texas at Austin. I make my home in Houston, Texas with my husband and son.