by Flesché Hesch | Featured Contributor
“Mama! Mama!” Ahh, the soundtrack of my life. My son was calling me from the other room. I had just taken a quick call before we were to head out to his music class. “Ugh!” said the caller, do you need to go?” The disgust in her voice was palpable.
“No, it’s my son and he’s all set.” My two-and-a” half-year-old, now in sight, was signing to me that he wanted milk. I retrieved it for him and he smiled. He was set. Thank goodness I taught him to sign!
I felt a strange and new sensation in my core. It fascinated me. As a recovering “nice girl,” I felt the urge to apologize for the interruption. My inner mama bear wanted to rip the woman’s head off for implying that I could not have a conversation AND have my son with me. Well, guess what? I’m not sorry!
I am a mom entrepreneur. Notice that the word “mom” comes first. I created my business teaching other women how to launch and grow their own businesses when my son was 13 months old. I literally built my business around him, his needs and my absolute desire to be his primary caregiver.
You could say I was raised this way. My parents are entrepreneurs, running a childcare corporation. I grew up with our family business office in our home. I learned how to be quiet when my parents were on “business calls.” I also learned how to answer the phone “professionally” when I got old enough.
It shaped who I am today, to have had my parents so available to me. I always understood how hard my parents worked for our money and I did my fair share of work as well. I knew how to work a professional stapler when I was 8, as we assembled our own brochures for the child care centers. I spent my summers tagging along with my mom, schlepping papers, materials and encouragement to and from each location. I did filing in our office on the weekends.
Now my son, two-and-a-half years old, is my “associate.” He is little, and everything focuses on him right now. I am so proud to have figured out how to run a flexible and lucrative business for myself and be his mom full-time.
So here was this woman, trying to sell me on her idea no less, acting as if my son was getting in the way of what she wanted. Maybe he was. Well, I’m not sorry!
This is what I know: It is time to change the conversation in this country about the separation of work and family. We cannot pretend that we don’t have families. I believe it is slowly killing each of us.
Too many women I meet live in fear of being fired if they miss work one more time if their kid is sick. Too many women are getting replaced in their jobs during maternity leave against their will. What is “offered” in this country for maternity leave is downright abusive!
I never want to hear another story like these again, which is why I teach women how to start their own businesses and thumb their noses (or another finger) at employment.
Roughly 40% of women will NOT return to work after having children. What if Motherhood and generating in business are not at odds with each other? You can do both!
Now, I’m not saying you can have it all. What I am saying is that you can have what you want. Usually, these are very different things.
My solution:
We moms are so hard on ourselves and each other. What if we slow down and really ask each other what we want and why? What if we could be honest with ourselves and our loved ones?
I want to hear the next woman I speak to say, “I want to earn $X to help support my family. To that end, I want to do work that supports my natural talents and abilities, not just stay busy at a desk. I want the freedom and flexibility to take my kid to the doctor and the ability to pay for it. I want to go to the grocery store and buy anything my family wants and needs without feeling that tightness in my core when I see the total. I want to be a whole woman. One who has dreams and desires for myself, my children and the whole planet. Will you help me to make this dream a reality?”
I will respond, “Um, yeah!”
Can you imagine asking yourself these questions? Try it on. I think you will like building the life of your dreams, and stop apologizing for wanting so much. Leave a comment below.
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Flesché Hesch is a full-time Mama, and Business Advisor for Moms! She brings her training as a (non practicing) Marriage & Family Therapist, Meditation Teacher, and Small Business Coach and Strategist together to create the most positive and empowering Coaching programs for Mom Entrepreneurs! She can often be found at her other office, the playground.
Follow Flesché’s adventures as a Mom Entrepreneur at http://TheBizyMom.com Twitter: @Flesche_H Google+
20 Replies to “I’m not Sorry – Mom Entrepreneurs are Changing The Conversation by @Flesche_H”
Nelda Choate
What a fabulous post! Having had to split my time between an only slightly flexible work schedule and 2 little girls – as a single mom – this really hit home.
Loved how encouraging you are in the post and setting the example of how women can stay home while establishing the businesses they always wanted.
Rachel McDermott
I’m definitely not sorry to have been with my 2 boys these last 5 years. Being a Mom and an entrepreneur takes work but it is worth the freedom and flexibility for sure!
Amanda
I love that us moms CAN have both! We are empowered, strong, and full of amazing talent. It’s definitely about the freedom, flexibility, and financial independence. I’m working on building the life of my dreams now. Baby steps. Thanks for sharing your story!
Sara
I agree with a lot of what you say, but I think I would have apologized for the interruption—just as I would have had I been in an office and had a colleague poke their head over the cube to say something while I was mid-call. I have clients who hear my kids in the background frequently, especially if they call me unexpectedly, but when I’m talking to a new client for the first time or providing a service that somebody is paying for, I do believe that it’s part of my job is to be focused and provide an environment conducive to our discussion, which means minimizing noise of any kind in the background.
Rachel McDermott
Agree, definitely.
I love being with my kids but I still prefer for business connections not to be aware or hear anything.
Alison Blair
Oh I love this Flesche. This resonates with me to the core. I can’t wait to get my business on track and enjoy this flexibilty and lose the financial worries.
Cherlynn
You hit the Mom spot right! I’m a mother of four children, and this experience is a regular occurence for me as well. Because I have four children, people often count my children or ask how I manage them all. Geesh!
Work and heading to the park or the lake is my game as well. Thank you so much for sharing this insight.
Dorothy Garriott
Great article- I had the privilege to stay home & raise my kids, also home-schooled them. Would have been great if I could also have learned to have my own business. This would have helped the budget.
Congratulations to all you mom entrepreneurs!
Michaela Mitchell
“I want to earn $X to help support my family. To that end, I want to do work that supports my natural talents and abilities, not just stay busy at a desk. I want the freedom and flexibility to take my kid to the doctor and the ability to pay for it. I want to go to the grocery store and buy anything my family wants and needs without feeling that tightness in my core when I see the total. I want to be a whole woman.”
I asked myself those questions a few months before I quit my job and started working for myself. I still have moments of doubt. And going from seeing my children for about 3 hours a day during the week to being with them 24/7 has taken some adjusting (I’m looking forward to the first day of school), but this is what I wanted and my new picture of success has less to do with my annual salary and much more to do with the quality of life I provide for myself and my family.
Jen McGahan
I love this. I wish I had read it when my kids were little. I was so uptight about stuff like this for a long time. Now that my business is rolling along, it’s as if I’ve “earned” the right to not apologize. but in reality, I should have started with this mindset and saved myself a lot of grief! I will share this article, Flesche! Thanks!!
Sarah
I LOVE IT!!! Speaking first hand, since I was able to meet with and your ADORABLE little man. You absolutely rocked it. You changed my life and then headed to the park. It is soooo wonderful that you truly live it and you lead us to stop apologizing and to live the best of both worlds. Keep it up!!
Flesche Hesch[ Post Author ]
Thanks, Sarah. I so enjoyed meeting you in person!
Judy Yaron PhD
I admit, Flesche, I am NOT a young mom. I am a granny of eight with vivid memories what it was like walking the tightrope doing the juggling act of being a mom, a wife and then a single mom raising my kids on my own, working three jobs and longing to be recognized as an individual in my own right.
I think one of the problems today is that our culture has created this distorted belief that to be a good Mom you have to be Super Mom – meaning you have to take everything upon yourself.
I believe that one of the things young moms need to accept is that it’s okay to be human; it’s okay to ask for help; it’s okay to make mistakes; it’s okay to freak out and cry.
No apologies and no guilt. You can only strive to do your best with love for your kids, your family and YOURSELF.
HUGS <3
Flesché
Thanks Judy!
Erika
Hallelujah! Thanks for giving yourself, and the rest of the mamas, permission to set priorities in proper order & build a life (and business) that is a direct reflection of what’s most important. The worl needs more of that! I’m glad you are not sorry. Rock on.
Flesche Hesch[ Post Author ]
Thanks, Erika!
Kendra
Well said, Flesche!
I love your passion!
Flesche Hesch[ Post Author ]
Thanks, Kendra!
Terri Lively
I agree 100%. I wish we didn’t have to hide our families. I wish I didn’t shoot evil eye stares at my kids when they come in and interrupt a phone call. I am tired of not picking up a call when I want to because my kids are around, sending it to voicemail so I can pick it up later when I sound more “professional”. If we expect the human race to carry on, who do we think is going to do it? Why is having little kids around considered unprofessional?
I couldn’t agree more with your post! I’m not sorry that I want to be there for my kids AND have a career, too.
Flesche Hesch[ Post Author ]
Thanks, Terri!
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