Linda Allen, Author at She Owns It

She Owns It – And So Do You by @MsCareerGirl

May 15, 2017 by Linda Allen Leave a Comment

by Linda Allen | Featured Contributor

The website SheOwnsIt.com is a personal blog owned and edited by Melissa Stewart. She owns it. Literally. But beyond the site and blog itself, she owns the results she is creating. She owns the rewards that may include the monetary results and the satisfaction of seeing the positive impact she has on her readers. She owns all the ripples, both negative and positive, that emanate out sometimes unknown distances from the choices she makes every day. How often do you pause to consider that the same is true for you?

Yes, You Own It.

You own it all. And there are good things to be had from owning it. Here’s a look at what happens when you don’t, and when you do.

I Don’t Own It – The Way of Denial

In this age of political, corporate, and even religious denial, it’s become commonplace for those who purport to “lead” us to refuse to be accountable. They love to languish in the things that go well. They’re easy to inflate into lofting balloons filled with their own wonderfulness. But when the proverbial shit hits the fan? It’s pretty much always on “the other guy.”

Beyond the obvious present moment fallacy, there’s a much larger issue in play here. They’ve cut themselves off from one of the most essential tools of self development. While they should be learning from their results, they’re only learning how to better avoid or shift responsibility in the future. Rather than learn from the experience, they become less authentic with each new denial. Refusal to own one’s results is equal to refusing to learn the lessons that are part of the process of becoming a more complete, more compassionate, and ultimately more at peace member of one’s tribe, culture, and society. And perhaps even human being.

For all of us, reality is that we will from time to time make choices that create results that are not acceptable. Or worse. The odds of making more poor choices in the future increases every time we choose denial or attempt to shift blame elsewhere. The desire to avoid perceived short term pain will lead to long term betrayal of both self and others. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin,

“The bitterness of poor choice remains long after the sweetness of denial is forgotten.”

Own It – And Win

When I close each day of editing on my own site, Ms Career Girl, I get to own all that I’ve done that day. Some things work well, some are acceptable, and some, regrettably, I go to bed knowing that I could have done better. Those are my results. I savor the victories, ponder the averageness of the majority, and I evaluate actions that produced unsatisfactory results. Because I’m constantly looking at the latter of those through my own accountable eyes, it’s easy to ask the question, “How can I do things differently to get the results I really want?”

Those who live in denial never get to hear that question.

But choose to own it, and you do. It’s in that moment of owning it that you, with the help of whatever resources are available, become your own teacher and mentor. With practice, you’ll find that most of the answers will come from within your own knowing, experience, and intuition. It’s my personal belief that more often than not we know the best path, the best choice, even as we make decisions. When poor choices are made, we have the self-cleansing tool of owning it to make corrections and move on.

Progress Not Perfection

Hey, we’re human. We make mistakes. We have lapses in consciousness or judgement. You’re making real progress when you acknowledge those lapses, own them, and make course corrections. The choice is yours.

Image credits.

Own it. Own it2.

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Linda Allen, Editor and Writer for MsCareerGirl.com.

Currently you will find Linda editing or writing articles on all things of interest to career women. She’s passionate about equal rights, equal opportunity, equal pay, and being a cheerleader for aspiring young women.

Linda is a self-described serial entrepreneur, with a resume that makes her look like a Jane of all trades. Her managerial experience includes teams as large as 25 and as cozy as two.

She has a MA from Miami University (Ohio, not Florida), BA from Cal State. Not to mention a graduate degree from the toughest school of all, Hard Knocks U.

You can connect with her via

Linda@mscareergirl.com,

Facebook, or Twitter.

Save

Linda Allen

A Message To My 60-Something Self by @MsCareerGirl

April 6, 2017 by Linda Allen Leave a Comment

by Linda Allen | Featured Contributor

I’ve noticed quite a few articles in the last year or so giving “advice” to the author’s younger self. Typically, it’s words of wisdom they want to share with their 20-something self. While they’re sort of interesting, it’s really an exercise in futility. Because of course we can’t reach back in time to give ourselves advice. But we can reach forward in time.

If you keep a written journal or diary, or even a photo journal, that’s what you’re already doing. Sending messages to your future self about what life was like now. About the feelings and frustrations and joys that decorated the path leading to that future self.

As a human being, it’s easy to forget parts of your life experiences. Or they become fuzzy, and the details get lost or confused. So there’s a good reason to be a little more clear in the picture of your life you leave, and therefore send, to your future self.

My own efforts in journaling have been hit and miss. But when I look back at what I wrote years before, it usually allows me a deeper understanding of my life’s path and to judge myself a little less harshly. I have more gratitude for the perseverance that got me where I am today.

I recently asked author Kelly Mcnelis what she’d tell her 65 year old self. Her response:

“I’d express a lot of gratitude. I’d thank my older self for her courage and commitment to carrying me through my life. And I’d also tell her that I hope she is continuing to maintain an agile mind and explore new ideas, because continued curiosity and the capacity to move beyond our comfort zone is everything. I would also wish that her soul has expanded over the years, and that she has accessed the greatest joy and passion of her life. I’d wish for her that she has even more peace and joy than I do now.”

But what if I was constrained to only send one short message to my future self? Pondering that, I think it would be this: I did the best I could with what I had to work with. I truly hope you like what I created for you.

What’s Your Message To Your Future Self?

If you had only a single message to send to your future self, what would it be?

There’s great value in keeping an account of what’s happening in your life and your physical and emotional responses to it. So I’m challenging you, and myself, to create a regular record. I’m pretty sure we’ll be a lot more grateful, for ourselves, when we have a clear picture of the path we’ve followed and the prices we paid to get there.

Images via pexels and pixabay.

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Linda Allen, Editor and Writer for MsCareerGirl.com.

Linda is a self-described serial entrepreneur, with a resume that makes her look like a Jane of all trades. Her managerial experience includes teams as large as 25 and as cozy as two.

She has a MA from Miami University (Ohio, not Florida), BA from Cal State. Not to mention a graduate degree from the toughest school of all, Hard Knocks U.

You can connect with her via

Linda@mscareergirl.com,

Facebook, or Twitter.

Save

Linda Allen

How A Scarcity Mindset Is Holding You Back by @MsCareerGirl

March 22, 2017 by Linda Allen Leave a Comment

by Linda Allen | Featured Contributor

Scarcity mindset. Defining a term can sometimes get a little tricky. Especially as it relates to an individual’s experience, perspectives affect definitions. So I don’t want to get bogged down in a discussion about minimum wage, or personal commitment in a relationship, or greed vs. need. What I do want is to challenge you to reconsider the things in your life that are likely holding you back from greater success and happiness. And probably holding those around you back as well.

Having been a business owner and entrepreneur for many years, I know the challenges. I know the amount of time, money, and heart that we must put into our business for it to succeed. And of course we expect a payoff. Hey, we’re not in this just for the fun of it.

Scarcity Breeds Scarcity

Most of us have experienced scarcity at some time in our lives. Often, it’s a scarcity of money. But it could be about time or even love. Regardless, it plays the same. We develop a subconscious, or worse conscious, belief that there’s not enough of something. While that may be an accurate interpretation of what’s happening in the present, it becomes a problem when we hang on to that belief. The effects are self-defeating. Holding a scarcity mindset is frequently what’s keeping you from the very things you desire.

A Metaphor

Perhaps you’ve heard the metaphorical story about the monkey who, of course, liked peanuts. As the story goes, this little fellow is lured into a cage, the openings of which are just big enough for him to squeeze his hand. Just outside the cage is a bowl of peanuts.

As any monkey would do, he extends his hand and takes a palm full of peanuts. But to his dismay, he finds he cannot bring his full hand back through the caging. Having an empty tummy and having not had any peanuts for some time, he refuses to let go of the peanuts. This, in spite of the fact that he can see there are other bowls of peanuts nearby. He has these nuts in his hand, and he’s determined to hang on to them.

After a time the peanuts become sweaty, then even a bit moldy. Still, he won’t let go. He hangs on and keeps himself from having the very thing he’d love – – abundant peanuts.

What Are Your Moldy Peanuts?

We’re all guilty of holding on to our moldy peanuts. The “safe” job. Running your business the same way you always have because . . . it works. The relationship that sucks all the life out of us. Or anything else we may hang on to out of the fear of change.

And while we may pretend to be oblivious to our situation, intuitively we know the prices we’re paying. In business, we use a variety of tried and tested tools and rules to make our business profitable. They work. But when do they become moldy peanuts?

Let’s look at time and money. The two things we’re always juggling. What if some of our basic beliefs about them are flawed?

You might naturally think that if you allocate less time to your job, your productivity would suffer. But in his book “The Five Hour Work Day,” author Stephan Aarstol says the opposite. In fact, he shows how much more successful the team and business became after their workday was reduced to five hours. And at the same time enjoying the same or even more income.

Similarly, when Seattle business owner Dan Price decided to give all his employees raises to at least $70,000, there was no drop in profitability. And the same has been seen in other companies that are following his example.

Let Go Of Old Beliefs

As I consider the above examples, I see a common thread. In each case, they let go of scarcity thinking. When they did so, the magic began. A new level of prosperity, in time and money, was achieved by the employees, the team, and the business.

Is it time to re-evaluate your attitudes about scarcity? What’s out there, just beyond your reach? Simply waiting for you to let go of the old and claim something better? I mean, really. Who wants moldy peanuts, anyway?

(Images via pexels.com)

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Linda Allen, Editor and Writer for MsCareerGirl.com.

Linda is a self-described serial entrepreneur, with a resume that makes her look like a Jane of all trades. Her managerial experience includes teams as large as 25 and as cozy as two.

She has a MA from Miami University (Ohio, not Florida), BA from Cal State. Not to mention a graduate degree from the toughest school of all, Hard Knocks U.

You can connect with her via

Linda@mscareergirl.com,

Facebook, or Twitter.

Save

Linda Allen

Three Words You Must Learn And Use by @MsCareerGirl

February 23, 2017 by Linda Allen Leave a Comment

by Linda Allen | Featured Contributor

The memory is still vivid. I was newly separated and living in a very modest apartment with my daughter. My income was solely from working a swing shift job, and it wasn’t even enough to meet our essential monthly expenses.

I looked around at the little place we called home. While I was grateful to have escaped the abusive relationship I’d been in, this was a no-frills existence. The front room had a donated sofa bed, worn and covered with a blanket. Our eating area consisted of a folding card table so wobbly that spills were frequent. And in my bedroom was a twin size mattress laid on top of cardboard apple boxes as a base. There was no dresser. What would normally have been in a drawer was placed on the upper shelf in the closet. Yes, I looked around. And said, “oh, hell no. This is NOT what my life is going to look like.” Those three words have been my personal mantra since that moment.

Determination, x 10

In the following weeks and months, I began to build my first real business. My daughter and I started by posting ads – hand written cards – on area bulletin boards. My first paying customer was for a job much bigger than I’d dreamed, but I took a deep breath and took it on. The rest, as they say, is history.

Over the course of a few years, the business grew and evolved to one that supported myself and a full-time crew of six. Not big business, but it provided a very good living for all of us, and it was my creation.

Knocked Down: An Opportunity To Rise Again

I’m sure you remember 2008. The year the Great Recession hit. Just about everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Within 60 days, I’d lost two healthy streams of income. Property values, as you know, tanked beyond anyone’s wildest imagination. Before the dust settled, I’d lost about 80% of my net worth, a nest egg that was critical to a secure future.

As I looked at where I was, and at the years ahead, once again I said “oh, hell no.” As my mother would say, it was time to roll up my pant legs, wade into it, and get to work. Time to get back up and make it happen. There were plenty of very long days. But through sheer gut-level determination I earned most of what I’d lost back in just six years.

Whether we’re entrepreneurs or have positions as employees, we all have these times of trial in our life. They’re the times that test us. That take us down to our knees. That’s when we get to decide what we’re made of. That’s when we are truly at choice. To accept defeat, and wither. Or remember that we’re strong enough to meet any challenge. And in defiance to our momentary conditions, say “oh, hell no!”

Image credits: Main. My Way. Life.

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Linda Allen, Editor and Writer for MsCareerGirl.com.

Linda is a self-described serial entrepreneur, with a resume that makes her look like a Jane of all trades. Her managerial experience includes teams as large as 25 and as cozy as two.

She has a MA from Miami University (Ohio, not Florida), BA from Cal State. Not to mention a graduate degree from the toughest school of all, Hard Knocks U.

You can connect with her via

Linda@mscareergirl.com,

Facebook, or Twitter.

Save

Linda Allen

Manipulation: How To Spot It And How To Respond by @MsCareerGirl

January 26, 2017 by Linda Allen 4 Comments

by Linda Allen | Featured Contributor

How do you know if you’re a victim of manipulation? Is what you’re experiencing an acceptable attempt at persuasion? Or is it a veiled attempt to deceive, mislead, and control?

We accept the daily efforts by other people, businesses, and government to use the tools of persuasion. Manipulation, on the other hand, is by its nature cloaked. You’re lead down a path that’s not what you’d choose given clear facts and rational thinking. The challenge is the lack of a clear line separating the two. There’s a large gray area that’s between them. And it’s the presence of that gray area that actually empowers a manipulator to convince you that whatever their agenda is, it’s right.

The “fake news” that’s in the news is a current example. Using writers skilled in the arts of persuasion, they use truth, exaggeration, and outright lies spun together so that you, the reader, is convinced that what you’re reading is accurate. So much so that you share it, and help the perpetrator in their efforts to deceive. You’ve been manipulated.

How do you spot manipulation? Where is it commonly found? And, how should you respond to it? Here are some answers that will help you remain vigilant of and keep yourself safe from the results of manipulation.

Manipulation Can Be Anywhere

We’re most vulnerable when we are unsuspecting. So if you think there is a place or time when you’re not susceptible to manipulation, beware. That’s when you’re at the highest risk. That doesn’t mean you should spend every waking hour in a defensive mode. Rather, it means you should always have an evaluation filter running. You may want to think of it as listening to your intuitive voice. I prefer to think of it as my bullshit alarm.

Manipulation wears many faces with a single objective: to get you to act in ways you otherwise would not. So a friend might entice you to take a dare. Or a business might incite you to buy their useless product or service. Or the government or a politician might use “facts” to get your vote. But it’s you who pays the prices for all of these. Whether a broken bone or body, wasted money, or the enactment or election of laws and people that are far from what you want, it’s you who will live with the results.

Spotting Manipulation

Given that opportunities for manipulation are all around us, it’s important to become skilled at spotting it. Your intuition, or bullshit meter, needs to be in good working order, all the time. Here are some examples of what manipulation looks like:

In the media:

Whether it’s photoshopping images to elicit sympathy or “spinning” stories a certain way to support a particular viewpoint, little of what you see on the media is unadulterated. This not only sways your opinions, it implants biases against everything from body image to political beliefs.

In business:

It’s long been known that businesses use various methods to manipulate us into buying their product. Guilt. Envy. Fear. The most basic of human emotions, and effective tools to use in getting you to do what they want. And remember, the term “business” includes the sales reps they hire to promote their service or product. Think back, and I’m sure you’ll remember the last time you were on the receiving end of a sales pitch that included a healthy dose of guilt, envy, or fear. Or all three.

In relationships:

Perhaps the worst kind of manipulation occurs at the hands of a loved one. Because you’ve got such an emotional investment, it’s easy to deny what’s right before your eyes. The master manipulator will convince you that their way is best, that they have only your best interests at heart, and, if something goes wrong it’s certainly not their fault and is probably yours. You can find yourself in a dizzying cycle that fills you with doubt about yourself and your self-worth. If you feel something is wrong in your relationship but can’t quite put a finger on it, learn the signs.

In politics:

Politicians and government in general loves to use statistics to sway opinion. The problem is that they define how the statistics are gathered and filtered to show exactly what they want. If there is something that makes them look bad in the eyes of the public, they can and do just change the way the measure is presented. Unemployment, for example. One would think that a 5% unemployment rate means that 5% of the workforce is unemployed. But what’s the variable? It’s how you define the workforce. Currently, that definition is people who are jobless, actively seeking work, available to take a job. And each of those elements has a lengthy definition. The result? Estimates of actual unemployment are 10% or even higher.

Responding To Manipulation

Your first response to suspicion that you’re being manipulated should always be the same. Ask questions, lots of questions, and seek answers from sources other than the suspected manipulator. When you calm your mind and emotions, does what they’re saying really sound reasonable? Is it making you feel exploited, used, or inferior? Ask more questions. Is it reasonable in terms of your own experiences? Be alert for any efforts to make you submit to their will or desire, and refuse to make commitments until you’ve had time to work through your real feelings. Any reasonable person, company, or business will not insist you make a decision immediately, and if they do you should walk away.

While the term fact checking has become familiar in political events, it’s a term that applies to any part of life in which you feel manipulated. Those claims by the car salesman that seem surprising? Check them out. Blatant attempts to manipulate you by stating flatly that if you don’t do what they say, you’ll be sorry or miss out or suffer? Shut them down. And anyone who would have you believe that they alone have the answer, or especially your answer? Run the other way.

Believe in yourself, your worth, and your ability to make good decisions. Develop trust in your intuitive self. Yes you’ll make mistakes. But they’ll be mistakes you’ll learn from rather than just feel like a victim about.

Image sources:

Shady. BS. Politicians.

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Linda Allen, Editor and Writer for MsCareerGirl.com.

Linda is a self-described serial entrepreneur, with a resume that makes her look like a Jane of all trades. Her managerial experience includes teams as large as 25 and as cozy as two.

She has a MA from Miami University (Ohio, not Florida), BA from Cal State. Not to mention a graduate degree from the toughest school of all, Hard Knocks U.

You can connect with her via

Linda@mscareergirl.com,

Facebook, or Twitter.

Linda Allen