by Jenny Hester
I often find myself getting upset about something my husband has or has not done. Why didn’t he take out the trash? Why didn’t he put his dishes in the dish washer? Why did he leave his underwear laying in the floor next to the hamper? Really, the hamper is 6 inches away.
It’s not all there fault
This is when I have to look over at my dresser and see the pile of papers that I have allowed to accumulate over the week. These papers were things that I wanted to look at, but instead I let them pile up. Now there’s so many that I glance over them, then toss them in the recycle bin.
I have to remind myself that, I too, am not perfect. There are plenty of things that I do that I’m sure my husband does not care for, but he doesn’t share this verbally the way that I do.
Self-awareness is when we focus on understanding ourselves and looking at what can be improved. We also need to look inside and see why little things that our spouses are doing annoy us. Do we have a perfectionist attitude? If so, why? Could we be a little more lenient on some things? If not, why?
Are there things that your spouse does well? Do you compliment your spouse on the things they do well? If not, why? When we look inside ourselves we will find many answers as to why we choose to judge our spouses behavior.
Things to remember
We can be our own worst enemy in our marriage. Choosing to pick our spouses apart for every little thing they do wrong and not looking at our own issues is a choice that we make. We can make a new choice and that is to focus on fixing our issues first, then when we are perfect, we can start on our spouse.
Do we have a need to control? I am guilty of this. There’s something very comforting about being in charge. We think we can control our lives and everything in it and this will somehow keep us safe and secure. This is a false sense of security. We cannot control anything or anyone, but ourselves. We can on the other hand lead by example. Our actions will mean much more to others than barking orders and telling them all the things that they are doing wrong. We can also ask for help in a polite way that makes others want to cooperate.
Letting our spouses know that when they help around the house we seemed to be more attracted to them won’t hurt that situation either. Make sure that when your spouse does help, that you thank them and appreciate the help.
I’m not saying that we should act like a floor rug and let our spouses do whatever they please while we just look the other way. By no means should we do that, but sometimes we go about getting what we need in the wrong way. Simply said, by improving ourselves and how we communicate is a great step in the right direction to improving all of our relationships, but the most important one starts with our spouse.
Jenny Hester is a wife, mother of 3, beach lover, blogger, coach, and the author of the Amazon #1 Best Selling book, “21 Ways to Invite Excellence into your Life”. After years of living behind self-imposed emotional walls, Jenny knocked those walls down when she discovered the key to living an authentic life. Her study of self-awareness, personal development, and positive mindsets unlocked the potential inside of her that she never knew existed. Today she loves to share with other women the keys to finding our best self and living the life we were created to live.
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