by Tasmin Sabar | Featured Contributor
“Who am I to do this?”
I often hear this exact sentiment from many of the women that I speak to. It doesn’t matter whether they are new to their business or have been doing it for years. They feel that they should have their own life sorted 100% before they can help others.
They say things like “I don’t have all the steps”, “I don’t’ feel confident enough” “I don’t feel knowledgeable enough” “I’m not qualified enough” and so it goes on.
Whilst they desire to create a business around their gifts and passions and long to be of service, all too often they get in their own way.
Those “not enough” thoughts end up on repeat and ultimately create a reality that leaves them feeling stuck.
The fact is though, nobody can have all the answers to everything. No matter how good you are, there will always be more you can learn, more ways you can grow and develop.
Life would be pretty boring if it were any other way right? After all, growth is so important in life.
Yet, so many women continue to hold themselves back and that fraud feeling and “imposter syndrome” is very real and more common than you might think.
I hear it amongst so many women I speak to and I recently had this come up in a conversation with a good friend who is brilliant, intelligent, capable and at the top of the game in her career.
Still, she openly discussed with me how frequently she finds herself at work thinking to herself that today is the day she is going to be “found out”.
It’s safe to say that imposter syndrome and feeling like a fraud is rife with many women. Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg and Kate Winslet are two high profile examples who’ve spoken of how it affected them.
Maybe you’ve felt something similar yourself at some point?
This is a massive shame because when you do this, you stop yourself from reaching your full potential because of these self-limiting beliefs.
But worse still, you close the door to the many people out there that need your help.
There are people out there facing the obstacles and hurdles that you are perfectly placed to help them overcome.
So it’s crucial that you break through these limiting beliefs and feelings of fraud to not only give your life and work the meaning and purpose you deserve but also to best serve those clients who will need you.
So how can you shift that “feeling like a fraud” mindset?
- Ask yourself where it’s coming from?
Take a notepad and pen and jot down all your feelings and beliefs around feeling like a fraud. When you have done that, go over the list and ask yourself
“What is the reason I feel like this?”
This will help you identify where these feelings originated from. Maybe you can link them back to a childhood experience, something your boss has said, family expectations etc. When you have done that, go back over the list of beliefs and ask yourself
“What evidence do I have to the contrary of X belief?” or “What makes this belief untrue?”
Think of your best example of when you demonstrated the opposite of that limiting belief.
Commit this new belief to your default position in this area. Let the old belief go.
- Aim to serve and be of value
There is no better way to get rid of those feelings of fraud than by doing this.
It shifts the focus off you and onto your client. Always come from a place of service to your client and aim to add value as much and as often as you can.
Use your area of expertise, knowledge and life experiences to connect with your clients and make their lives better.
Remember, there are people out there that need your help, advice and the particular skill set that you bring to the market.
Commit to giving your client’s value and focus on them and their needs rather than focusing on your own perceived shortcomings.
- Make the commitment to upskill at all times
The world is growing and changing on a daily basis. In fact, it is unrecognisable from 10 years or even 5 years ago. The pace of change is fast and undeniable. You can either be intimidated by that or you can embrace it and commit to your ongoing education and growth.
Continuous growth is great at shifting the fraud feeling as it helps you to move towards the top of your game and cements your self-belief in your abilities. Who doesn’t want that right?
There is a saying that goes “growth is the only evidence of life” – make sure you are living yours.
- Keep an evidence journal
If you are coming from a place of service and value, it’s only a matter of time before your clients recognise and appreciate this. Keep an “evidence journal” with cuttings or screenshots of nice comments, texts, testimonials, emails that you receive from your clients.
They might not all be suitable to share publicly but they can serve as an amazing reminder of how good you are and the great work you do.
In fact, make a note of all your achievements in this journal as you go along. It’s amazing how quickly you can forget all the wonderful things you have done in your business especially when the “fraud gremlins” are in town.
Look back on this journal as often as you can, preferably daily. This will keep your vibration high, help you internalise your accomplishments and will keep you spurred on.
- Get support when you need it
This is a big one. So many of us feel that we have to go it alone in life and business when in reality the opposite is true. In fact you can even feel like you are failing in some way unless you are figuring it all out yourself.
But, the reason why the universe brings people and situations into our life is to help us get to where we want to be so we don’t have to go it alone! Remember no woman is an island. Quit the guessing game. Get support and revel in doing so and make those leaps quicker.
There is no better feeling than that of being supported and knowing that someone has your back.
So ask yourself, where do you need support in your life or business right now?
Could it be someone to help with marketing, your business finances, or would you benefit from a Coach/Mentor to help you overcome some of those limiting beliefs that are getting in your way?
Then give yourself permission to reach out to that person and get the help and support you need.
So, next time you have those fraud feelings or imposter syndrome coming up remember these quick tips and over time you will find that you are justifiably free of those feelings.