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Had An Affair and Got Sacked by @humblyhuman

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hadanaffair

by Judy Yaron PhD  | Featured Contributor

It wasn’t blind passion or the thrill of something new and unknown. It was love that led me there, day after day. What we had, what we shared was special. The words, “Don’t leave. Stay here with me,” filled my heart with joy and made me come alive. All I needed to hear was “I need you!” and I was blown away willing to give it my all – my life, my identity.

Ironically, or perhaps not, my work flourished and professionally I was thriving. Love can do that to you. My life my work, which were almost one and the same, were a celebration. Everywhere I turned, people were playing my dream and, I, the mistress conductor, orchestrated their performance.

And then I got sacked. All the while, I had been no more than the other woman. Abruptly, with almost no notice, my concert came to a halt and all was silent. Not a one stood up for me for fear of losing their own jobs. I could not blame them. Lonely and alone I was left to nurse my wounds: betrayal, sorrow, and humiliation.

***

You want people to read your stuff?

-> Draw them in by giving them what they want.

 

You want people to learn what you have to offer, even if it’s not exactly what they want?

-> Grab their attention, by sharing with them something juicy, something fun, something intriguing that is not too challenging or threatening.

 

WORKED WITH YOU, DIDN’T IT?

Workplace affair – who doesn’t want to hear all about it – all the juicy details down to the tragic end?

***

So, what is my post really about? Read on to find out.

I was having a workplace affair, but it wasn’t that kind of affair.

I was hired to bring English alive in a developing town in Israel, where students’ achievements were below standard. And, I fell in love: with the teachers I worked with, young religious girls struggling with womanhood, motherhood and their careers; with the students, Sabras of North African parentage and immigrants from Ethiopia and the Former Soviet Union; and the town at large – from the mayor and his team of advisors to the merchants at the market place.

It was a daily celebration. The teachers were like my daughters. Whenever I arrived at their classroom, often unannounced, they would stop what they were doing, come over to give me a hug and then continue with the lesson. There were those, who would beg me to cancel other meetings I had scheduled so that I could stay on and observe their lessons. Many of our one-on-one training sessions were conducted in their kitchens. I got to play with the babies, while we worked through their lesson planning. Time and again we had “pajama parties”, so that we could work late into the night planning English events: holiday activities, English evenings with the students and their parents and even a full-blown Reading Olympics for all the schools in town. I worked them hard, but they were ecstatic. They were learning; they were creating; they were having fun. We shared trust, a vision and a journey. We developed new programs, which catered to the varying needs of all the students. We made learning come alive.

All the while, unbeknownst to me, I had been sitting on a hornets’ nest buzzing with those who wanted my position; who were jealous of my relationships; who resented my being an outsider; or begrudged my success.

And so, I was asked to leave.

Now that you have all the information, go back and read the beginning of my post. I was being totally truthful with you, only you probably had different associations and expectations. I hope I didn’t disappoint you!

HUGS <3

In my previous posts I demonstrated other techniques how to engage your GUESTS by creating meaningful content that challenges the mind and touches the heart.

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Judy Yaron PhD Pedagogical Artist

Judy Yaron PhD is a Pedagogical Artist who creates Learning. After an adventurous career of almost thirty years in Education in three continents, she is using lessons learnt from the people she met from all walks of Life to help others spin their know-how into gold, by transforming their knowledge and experiences into instructional products that touch the heart.

As a Sabra, Israeli born and bred, her style is prickly, frank and unapologetic. BUT, that is only on the outside. Inside, like the fruit of the Sabra, she is soft, sweet, generous and kind.

If you want to be sure, check her out at Cut the Crap Solutions.

Follow Judy on Twitter at @humblyhuman

Working Girls by @humblyhuman

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by Judy Yaron PhD | Featured Contributor

You know what they say: When you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.

I attended the conference. As my funds were limited, there was no way I could stay at the Hilton, where it was being held.

“What’s the big deal?” I thought to myself, “There must be heaps of motels within walking distance.”

I shared a shuttle from the airport with a number of other conference goers. They were all staying at the Hilton. Once the driver dropped them off, I politely asked him, if he could recommend an inexpensive motel nearby.

“No problem,” he said giving me a wink.

Within minutes we reached our destination. The driver was even nice enough to check it out for me. “Got you a good deal!” he beamed as he came back from the reception. “$19 a night, it’s their last room for this price.”

It was a shoddy place, but what could expect for $19? I paid for one night – cash. No questions asked. My room was small and dark. The carpet was stained. Okay, I could deal with that. I could even deal with the moldy odor and the mildew in the shower. The problem was that I was on the ground floor. There were no bars on the windows and the bathroom window was broken. It was creepy. And to make things worse, there were half a dozen beer belly men loitering in the parking lot.

What was I to do? All my enthusiasm, all my excitement, all my high hopes for the conference, fluttered out the window like a bouquet of helium balloons that came undone. All I knew was that I had to get out of there. I decided to make my way to the Hilton.

I guess I looked kind of desperate, because as I was wandering hopelessly about, a young man came up to me. “Hi, I’m Jason,” he introduced himself, “you okay?” When he saw me hesitate, he informed me that he was one of the conference hosts. He even showed me his badge.

When I told him my story, he exploded with laughter, “Where did you say you’re staying?”

I gave him the name. “Well, what did you expect? The driver did exactly what you asked him to! It’s, let’s say, our local bordello … He obviously thought you are a working girl, looking for clients …!”

***

 So what went wrong? In one word: ASSUMPTIONS.

Based on my request “an inexpensive motel walking near the Hilton” and probably past experience, the shuttle driver, knowing nothing else about me, assumed I was just another working girl, who had come to town in search of clients. In truth, I gave him no reason to think otherwise.

Big mistake. My mistake.

Now you, dear reader, have probably made a few assumptions of your own. Why in heaven’s name did you ask a shuttle driver to recommend a motel? Who in their right mind does that? That is definitely looking for trouble!  Why didn’t you google the motel? Better yet, why didn’t you do your homework and check out motels before leaving home? Short of money – why didn’t you just charge it to your credit card, have a good time and worry about paying for it later?

If, indeed, these are your thoughts, then you too are making some BIG assumptions.

Big mistake. My mistake.

You see, if a writer (or anyone else producing CONTENT) wants to ensure that her message gets across, precisely as she intends, then she must leave no room for assumptions. She must make sure to present all the facts– not the way she sees them, but from her readers’ perspective.

In this story, there is one key fact missing.

The year. It was 1986.

For those of you who have grown up with the world-wide-web in the palm of your hand, in 1986 there were no smart phones; there were no mobile phones; the Internet was still unheard of. Also, in 1986 people like myself were not globetrotting like today, thus international credit cards, if already in existence, were not commonly used. In fact, I was walking around with travelers’ checks concealed in a pouch strapped to my belly, and cash stuffed in my socks!

Knowing these facts may not change the essence of the story, but it probably changes how you perceive me and my predicament.

 

Bottom line, in order to create meaningful content that serves your GUESTS well,

never leave room for ASSUMPTIONS.

Make sure to provide all the relevant facts, even those that seem obvious to you.

They may not be so obvious to someone coming from a different place.

 

So as not to make assumptions about me, why not read my previous posts 🙂

Telling Me My Whole Life Was a Mistake Wasn’t the Best Way to Gain My TRUST.

How to speak to your Guests’ PAIN POINT when it really really hurts – Do’s and Don’ts.

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Judy Yaron PhD Pedagogical Artist

Judy Yaron PhD is a Pedagogical Artist who creates Learning. After an adventurous career of almost thirty years in Education in three continents, she is using lessons learnt from the people she met from all walks of Life to help others spin their know-how into gold, by transforming their knowledge and experiences into instructional products that touch the heart.

As a Sabra, Israeli born and bred, her style is prickly, frank and unapologetic. BUT, that is only on the outside. Inside, like the fruit of the Sabra, she is soft, sweet, generous and kind.

If you want to be sure, check her out at Cut the Crap Solutions.

Follow Judy on Twitter at @humblyhuman

How to speak to your Guests’ PAIN POINT when it really really hurts – Do’s and Don’ts by @humblyhuman

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Photo Credit: citirecruitment via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: citirecruitment via Compfight cc

by Judy Yaron PhD | Featured Contributor

They say that effective Marketing is about providing a solution to your Guest’s PAIN POINT. When the PAIN POINT is emotionally stressful, when it’s gnawing at the core of one’s being, which is so often the case with products related to personal development, well-being and even entrepreneurship, speaking to IT can be somewhat of a challenge.

  • The last thing you want to do is to embarrass your Guest by exposing a sensitive issue s/he is so desperately trying to hide.
  • The last thing your Guest wants to hear is a lecture.You can be sure that your Guest already knows everything s/he wants to know about the matter.  There is no need to hammer IT in!
  • When someone is overtaken by strong emotions, s/he is in no state to rationalize. Talking sense will get you nowhere. At the same time, you don’t want to overdo the Drama Queen routine.
  • And finally, no one wants their PAIN to become the target of a sales pitch – no matter how subtle you try to make it!

Hmm … so what should you do?

I admit, there is no one-size-fits-all recipe to tap into your Guest’s PAIN POINT. Rather than tell you what you should do, I will demonstrate a few techniques in the post below.

***

An inconspicuous note hanging in a dark corridor at the university changed my life. It was an announcement for the upcoming TESOL conference in Anaheim. 

TESOL = Teachers of English to Students of Other Languages

Anaheim = Disneyland.

Disneyland had been a lifetime dream. I knew that if I could dream it, I could do it! For starts, all I needed to do was to send in a proposal. If it got accepted, I would worry about the rest. Who ever thought that a novice teacher from a small town in Israel would be invited to present at an international conference? But, I was young. I was ambitious. I was driven.

I sent my proposal. Then I waited.

It was a Friday. Last lesson of the week. My eighth graders had been particularly rowdy that day. Every teacher in the staff room had something to complain about. I was scolding them harshly, when the secretary knocked on the door and beckoned me to come out for a moment.

“Your husband called to tell you that you received a positive answer.”

I shrieked.

She shrieked, “You’re pregnant!”

“Don’t be silly! I’m not pregnant!” No time to explain. I was in the midst of lecturing forty fourteen year olds about good behavior, remember?

When I returned to class, forty pairs of eyes were glued to my tummy. “No, my dears. I am not pregnant.”

Once the news got out, everyone was cheering for ME: my parents, my kids, my friends, my colleagues, my students, Town Hall, even the English Inspectorate and the Ministry of Education. It was 1985 and it was a BIG DEAL. At the time, women, like myself, didn’t just pick up and go off to the States for a conference. That’s what academics and businessMEN did. Who was I? Just a mom with a dream and a classroom teacher, who dared to put herself out there.

The only one who didn’t participate in the excitement was my husband.

  • He told me not to go.
  • He told me that I wasn’t being fair to him.
  • He told me that we didn’t have the money.
  • He told me that it would be hard on the kids.
  • He told me that there would be other conferences.
  • He told me that he didn’t want me to go – plain and simple.

Is there anything in the situation described that resonates with you?

PLEASE SHARE IN THE COMMENTS BELOW.

 So, how did I speak to your PAIN POINT – almost without your even knowing it?

  • I told you a story: a personal story, a vulnerable story, a story about hopes and dreams, ambition and drive, a story that YOU can easily identify with.
  • The story was about ME. Consequently, even if you could identify with my PAIN, I was not exposing YOU in any way.
  • My story was simple, factual and straightforward – no drama, yes humor.
  • As I drew you into my story, I seamlessly led you to a climax of joy, excitement and anticipation by sharing with you what a BIG DEAL it was for me.
  • And then, as you stood among all those cheering or me, I let you come crashing down with one simple unexpected, statement: The only one who didn’t participate in the excitement was my husband.
  • And if that wasn’t enough I slowly and systematically twisted the knife deeper and deeper with the repetitive refrain: “He told me …”

 Not once did I mention the PAIN I felt. Instead, I let you feel for yourself.

 EPILOGUE

This was almost 30 years ago, but I remember it as if it were yesterday down to the fine details: the knots in my stomach and the heavy heart. I sat on the bed and thought to myself, “If I go, and he is angry with me, I will get over it. If I don’t go, I will never forgive myself.”

I went and, of course, I went to Disneyland.

He was angry and I got over it.

In my previous post “Telling Me My Whole Life Was a Mistake” I share with you techniques how to build TRUST with your GUESTS.

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Judy Yaron PhD Pedagogical ArtistJudy Yaron PhD is a Pedagogical Artist who creates Learning. After an adventurous career of almost thirty years in Education in three continents, she is using lessons learnt from the people she met from all walks of Life to help others spin their know-how into gold, by transforming their knowledge and experiences into instructional products that touch the heart.

As a Sabra, Israeli born and bred, her style is prickly, frank and unapologetic. BUT, that is only on the outside. Inside, like the fruit of the Sabra, she is soft, sweet, generous and kind.

If you want to be sure, check her out at Cut the Crap Solutions.

Follow Judy on Twitter at @humblyhuman

Telling Me My Whole Life Was A Mistake Wasn’t The Best Way To Gain My TRUST. How Do YOU Build TRUST With Your Tribe?

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Photo Credit: korafotomorgana via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: korafotomorgana via Compfight cc

by Judy Yaron PhD | Featured Contributor

1981. I was pushing 30: multi-talented, multi-passionate, with a university degree, a husband, two children, a dog and …

I was totally lost.

A year or so earlier I quit a Graduate program in Literature for the second time (with two littlies, a job, and a husband, working and studying full-time, who has the time to read Dickens and Hemmingway, let alone what the critics have to say?). Consequently, my husband (now EX) had me sign a promise that I would never start a Masters program again, because I wouldn’t finish it anyways. The fact that he created such a document is not as horrendous as the fact that I actually agreed to sign it.

Volunteering at our local hospital made me want to become a nurse. I wanted to save the HealthCare System. Since this was my third career choice in a year, we decided that it was time for some vocational guidance. That’s when she, the psychologist, told me that my entire life was a mistake.

Rather than a career in the Arts, where I was led to believe my whole life I would eventually find my Element, she told me indisputably that I should become a computer programmer, a lawyer or an industrial engineer.

BOING????

Where did that come from?

“Your tests clearly show that you are undoubtedly creative. You possess extraordinary analytical thinking, with unique out-of-the-box problem-solving capability.”

Actually, her findings were not all that surprising. My dad was an industrial engineer and my mom an artist. As the youngest of three and the only girl, it was only natural for my parents to nurture my creativity towards the arts like my mom and not towards technology like my dad. Besides, it was the sixties.

“What about nursing?” I asked.

“Most certainly not. Trust me. In no time, you will be telling the doctors what to do. If you want to save the HealthCare System, study medicine.”

“And, what about teaching?” another one of my dreams, my husband (now EX) had nipped in the bud, because he was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to manage a class.

“Absolutely not!” she told me. “Trust me, you’re too ambitious. You want a real career.”

I became a teacher.

I had little TRUST in her, but suddenly I had heaps of TRUST in myself.

I owned it!  

 

I became a teacher

 

I’m a Pedagogical Artist. In this post and the ones that follow, I will share with you some of my experiences, as I show you, step by step, how I create Learning.

This post is about TRUST: the TRUST we have in ourselves (our own instincts, skills, attitude, etc.) and the growing TRUST we wish to establish with our guests, those special individuals, who put their faith in us to share our know-how with them in a blog, ebooks, courses, videos, and even one-on-one coaching sessions.

Now, I may be the greatest expert in my field with sparkling credentials to prove it. But, without your TRUST, big deal! As you surf at an accelerated speed, I have less than a few seconds not just to grab your attention, but to get you to TRUST me enough to READ MORE.

So, how did I grab and grow your TRUST?

  1. Compassion: Apart from curiosity, the title triggers compassion. Something is wrong! What was so terrible about my life that someone made it their business to actually tell me so, when, in fact, they should’ve been building my trust …?
  2. Relevance: Once I get you “hooked” and on my side, I immediately get you involved by making my post relevant to you: How do YOU build Trust? If you are anything like me, you may even begin to worry: “OMG! Am I doing the same thing to my tribe …” Of course, you want to read on! We’re now in it together J
  3. Clarity and Consistency: From the start I make it clear that this post is about TRUST. Not only is the word TRUST re-entered again and again, every incident in the story consistently revolves around TRUST: the TRUST the people in my life had in me (my husband [now EX], my parents and the psychologist) and the TRUST I had in them and most important in myself!
  4. Personal, Transparent and Vulnerable: My story is personal and transparent. I share with you first-hand my vulnerability, my confusion and how clueless I was about myself and, you could say, Life in general. You may not be as lost as I was, but as a woman, you have probably encountered similar struggles. Similarities may create a bond between us, but not necessarily TRUST.
  5. Motivation and Inspiration: If indeed you Trust me, it is probably not only because you feel that I get where you are coming from, but because I triumphed! You know that there is a happy ending to my story. First of all, it says so in the closing lines.  Second, the events described happened over 30 years ago and here I am today to tell the tale with a PhD to my name. Third, throughout the story I reassure you that my marital status changed.

 So, how do YOU build TRUST with your tribe?

Kindly, share with us  🙂

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Judy Yaron PhD Pedagogical Artist

Judy Yaron PhD
Pedagogical Artist

Judy Yaron PhD is a Pedagogical Artist who creates Learning. After an adventurous career of almost thirty years in Education in three continents, she is using lessons learnt from the people she met from all walks of Life to help others spin their know-how into gold, by transforming their knowledge and experiences into instructional products that touch the heart.

As a Sabra, Israeli born and bred, her style is prickly, frank and unapologetic. BUT, that is only on the outside. Inside, like the fruit of the Sabra, she is soft, sweet, generous and kind.

If you want to be sure, check her out at Cut the Crap Solutions.

Follow Judy on Twitter at @humblyhuman