How to speak to your Guests’ PAIN POINT when it really really hurts – Do’s and Don’ts by @humblyhuman

Photo Credit: citirecruitment via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: citirecruitment via Compfight cc

by Judy Yaron PhD | Featured Contributor

They say that effective Marketing is about providing a solution to your Guest’s PAIN POINT. When the PAIN POINT is emotionally stressful, when it’s gnawing at the core of one’s being, which is so often the case with products related to personal development, well-being and even entrepreneurship, speaking to IT can be somewhat of a challenge.

  • The last thing you want to do is to embarrass your Guest by exposing a sensitive issue s/he is so desperately trying to hide.
  • The last thing your Guest wants to hear is a lecture.You can be sure that your Guest already knows everything s/he wants to know about the matter.  There is no need to hammer IT in!
  • When someone is overtaken by strong emotions, s/he is in no state to rationalize. Talking sense will get you nowhere. At the same time, you don’t want to overdo the Drama Queen routine.
  • And finally, no one wants their PAIN to become the target of a sales pitch – no matter how subtle you try to make it!

Hmm … so what should you do?

I admit, there is no one-size-fits-all recipe to tap into your Guest’s PAIN POINT. Rather than tell you what you should do, I will demonstrate a few techniques in the post below.


An inconspicuous note hanging in a dark corridor at the university changed my life. It was an announcement for the upcoming TESOL conference in Anaheim. 

TESOL = Teachers of English to Students of Other Languages

Anaheim = Disneyland.

Disneyland had been a lifetime dream. I knew that if I could dream it, I could do it! For starts, all I needed to do was to send in a proposal. If it got accepted, I would worry about the rest. Who ever thought that a novice teacher from a small town in Israel would be invited to present at an international conference? But, I was young. I was ambitious. I was driven.

I sent my proposal. Then I waited.

It was a Friday. Last lesson of the week. My eighth graders had been particularly rowdy that day. Every teacher in the staff room had something to complain about. I was scolding them harshly, when the secretary knocked on the door and beckoned me to come out for a moment.

“Your husband called to tell you that you received a positive answer.”

I shrieked.

She shrieked, “You’re pregnant!”

“Don’t be silly! I’m not pregnant!” No time to explain. I was in the midst of lecturing forty fourteen year olds about good behavior, remember?

When I returned to class, forty pairs of eyes were glued to my tummy. “No, my dears. I am not pregnant.”

Once the news got out, everyone was cheering for ME: my parents, my kids, my friends, my colleagues, my students, Town Hall, even the English Inspectorate and the Ministry of Education. It was 1985 and it was a BIG DEAL. At the time, women, like myself, didn’t just pick up and go off to the States for a conference. That’s what academics and businessMEN did. Who was I? Just a mom with a dream and a classroom teacher, who dared to put herself out there.

The only one who didn’t participate in the excitement was my husband.

  • He told me not to go.
  • He told me that I wasn’t being fair to him.
  • He told me that we didn’t have the money.
  • He told me that it would be hard on the kids.
  • He told me that there would be other conferences.
  • He told me that he didn’t want me to go – plain and simple.

Is there anything in the situation described that resonates with you?


 So, how did I speak to your PAIN POINT – almost without your even knowing it?

  • I told you a story: a personal story, a vulnerable story, a story about hopes and dreams, ambition and drive, a story that YOU can easily identify with.
  • The story was about ME. Consequently, even if you could identify with my PAIN, I was not exposing YOU in any way.
  • My story was simple, factual and straightforward – no drama, yes humor.
  • As I drew you into my story, I seamlessly led you to a climax of joy, excitement and anticipation by sharing with you what a BIG DEAL it was for me.
  • And then, as you stood among all those cheering or me, I let you come crashing down with one simple unexpected, statement: The only one who didn’t participate in the excitement was my husband.
  • And if that wasn’t enough I slowly and systematically twisted the knife deeper and deeper with the repetitive refrain: “He told me …”

 Not once did I mention the PAIN I felt. Instead, I let you feel for yourself.


This was almost 30 years ago, but I remember it as if it were yesterday down to the fine details: the knots in my stomach and the heavy heart. I sat on the bed and thought to myself, “If I go, and he is angry with me, I will get over it. If I don’t go, I will never forgive myself.”

I went and, of course, I went to Disneyland.

He was angry and I got over it.

In my previous post “Telling Me My Whole Life Was a Mistake” I share with you techniques how to build TRUST with your GUESTS.


Judy Yaron PhD  Pedagogical ArtistJudy Yaron PhD is a Pedagogical Artist who creates Learning. After an adventurous career of almost thirty years in Education in three continents, she is using lessons learnt from the people she met from all walks of Life to help others spin their know-how into gold, by transforming their knowledge and experiences into instructional products that touch the heart.

As a Sabra, Israeli born and bred, her style is prickly, frank and unapologetic. BUT, that is only on the outside. Inside, like the fruit of the Sabra, she is soft, sweet, generous and kind.

If you want to be sure, check her out at Cut the Crap Solutions.

Follow Judy on Twitter at @humblyhuman

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2 Replies to “How to speak to your Guests’ PAIN POINT when it really really hurts – Do’s and Don’ts by @humblyhuman”

  1. Indre

    The story-telling is perfect! It is both your story AND my story. And the result is that you were able to reach out to me, Judy, and address my “pain points”, without saying so directly. (Fortunately, I do not have those “pain points” anymore but I understand now so clearly how to tap into other people’s pains & insecurities).

    1. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

      I am so happy, Indre that this is no longer your story! And I also happy that can take from this piece tips how to improve your own writing. How lucky for us that we have connected. We rock! (And I have three golden ones!) HUGS <3

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