Telling Me My Whole Life Was A Mistake Wasn’t The Best Way To Gain My TRUST. How Do YOU Build TRUST With Your Tribe?

Photo Credit: korafotomorgana via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: korafotomorgana via Compfight cc

by Judy Yaron PhD | Featured Contributor

1981. I was pushing 30: multi-talented, multi-passionate, with a university degree, a husband, two children, a dog and …

I was totally lost.

A year or so earlier I quit a Graduate program in Literature for the second time (with two littlies, a job, and a husband, working and studying full-time, who has the time to read Dickens and Hemmingway, let alone what the critics have to say?). Consequently, my husband (now EX) had me sign a promise that I would never start a Masters program again, because I wouldn’t finish it anyways. The fact that he created such a document is not as horrendous as the fact that I actually agreed to sign it.

Volunteering at our local hospital made me want to become a nurse. I wanted to save the HealthCare System. Since this was my third career choice in a year, we decided that it was time for some vocational guidance. That’s when she, the psychologist, told me that my entire life was a mistake.

Rather than a career in the Arts, where I was led to believe my whole life I would eventually find my Element, she told me indisputably that I should become a computer programmer, a lawyer or an industrial engineer.

BOING????

Where did that come from?

“Your tests clearly show that you are undoubtedly creative. You possess extraordinary analytical thinking, with unique out-of-the-box problem-solving capability.”

Actually, her findings were not all that surprising. My dad was an industrial engineer and my mom an artist. As the youngest of three and the only girl, it was only natural for my parents to nurture my creativity towards the arts like my mom and not towards technology like my dad. Besides, it was the sixties.

“What about nursing?” I asked.

“Most certainly not. Trust me. In no time, you will be telling the doctors what to do. If you want to save the HealthCare System, study medicine.”

“And, what about teaching?” another one of my dreams, my husband (now EX) had nipped in the bud, because he was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to manage a class.

“Absolutely not!” she told me. “Trust me, you’re too ambitious. You want a real career.”

I became a teacher.

I had little TRUST in her, but suddenly I had heaps of TRUST in myself.

I owned it!  

 

I became a teacher

 

I’m a Pedagogical Artist. In this post and the ones that follow, I will share with you some of my experiences, as I show you, step by step, how I create Learning.

This post is about TRUST: the TRUST we have in ourselves (our own instincts, skills, attitude, etc.) and the growing TRUST we wish to establish with our guests, those special individuals, who put their faith in us to share our know-how with them in a blog, ebooks, courses, videos, and even one-on-one coaching sessions.

Now, I may be the greatest expert in my field with sparkling credentials to prove it. But, without your TRUST, big deal! As you surf at an accelerated speed, I have less than a few seconds not just to grab your attention, but to get you to TRUST me enough to READ MORE.

So, how did I grab and grow your TRUST?

  1. Compassion: Apart from curiosity, the title triggers compassion. Something is wrong! What was so terrible about my life that someone made it their business to actually tell me so, when, in fact, they should’ve been building my trust …?
  2. Relevance: Once I get you “hooked” and on my side, I immediately get you involved by making my post relevant to you: How do YOU build Trust? If you are anything like me, you may even begin to worry: “OMG! Am I doing the same thing to my tribe …” Of course, you want to read on! We’re now in it together J
  3. Clarity and Consistency: From the start I make it clear that this post is about TRUST. Not only is the word TRUST re-entered again and again, every incident in the story consistently revolves around TRUST: the TRUST the people in my life had in me (my husband [now EX], my parents and the psychologist) and the TRUST I had in them and most important in myself!
  4. Personal, Transparent and Vulnerable: My story is personal and transparent. I share with you first-hand my vulnerability, my confusion and how clueless I was about myself and, you could say, Life in general. You may not be as lost as I was, but as a woman, you have probably encountered similar struggles. Similarities may create a bond between us, but not necessarily TRUST.
  5. Motivation and Inspiration: If indeed you Trust me, it is probably not only because you feel that I get where you are coming from, but because I triumphed! You know that there is a happy ending to my story. First of all, it says so in the closing lines.  Second, the events described happened over 30 years ago and here I am today to tell the tale with a PhD to my name. Third, throughout the story I reassure you that my marital status changed.

 So, how do YOU build TRUST with your tribe?

Kindly, share with us  🙂

—————————————————————–

Judy Yaron PhD  Pedagogical Artist
Judy Yaron PhD
Pedagogical Artist

Judy Yaron PhD is a Pedagogical Artist who creates Learning. After an adventurous career of almost thirty years in Education in three continents, she is using lessons learnt from the people she met from all walks of Life to help others spin their know-how into gold, by transforming their knowledge and experiences into instructional products that touch the heart.

As a Sabra, Israeli born and bred, her style is prickly, frank and unapologetic. BUT, that is only on the outside. Inside, like the fruit of the Sabra, she is soft, sweet, generous and kind.

If you want to be sure, check her out at Cut the Crap Solutions.

Follow Judy on Twitter at @humblyhuman

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25 Replies to “Telling Me My Whole Life Was A Mistake Wasn’t The Best Way To Gain My TRUST. How Do YOU Build TRUST With Your Tribe?”

  1. How to speak to your Guests’ PAIN POINT when it really really hurts – Do’s and Don’ts by @humblyhuman | She Owns It

    […] my previous post “Telling Me My Whole Life Was a Mistake” I share with you techniques how to build TRUST with your […]

  2. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

    Good to hear from you, Rachel. Sooo loved Andrew’s article and his reference to you. (Hope I am not confusing …)

    Degrees are never wasted. Everything you learn is yours forever! And if anything, it lays foundations to boost your own self-confidence.

    I believe Rachel that what makes a personal story inspiring is candidly sharing the hardships, the self-doubt and the growing process. Things do NOT happen overnight as you will see in the coming posts.

    Thank you sooo much for your warm words and support. HUGS <3

  3. Rachel McDermott

    I really enjoyed your post Judy.

    You know, it reminds me of a time when I struggled with feeling like I wasted my degree because I changed career paths.

    But it’s really OKAY to change our minds and it’s also so GOOD to TRUST ourselves and what we know deeply to be true. In-spite of the Negative Nancy’s that try to cut us down or control us.

    I’m glad to hear you pushed on in spite of some early struggles. It is inspiring when we know others have not only persevered through the struggles, but have found peace and success.

    I look forward to reading the rest in your “series” 🙂

  4. Clara

    Interesting and touching article… It really makes me furious when family members, who are supposed to be supportive, try to discourage you in this way. I usually talk about my projects very clearly, I ask for advice but in the end I am the one who decides, I usually use irony in every aspect of my life and my family seems to appreciate it, improving their supportive attitude .

    1. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

      I believe, Clara that family members are convinced that they only have YOUR best interest in mind, just somehow their own ego and agenda kind of get in the way.

      What do you mean by using IRONY? How does that work? HUGS <3

  5. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

    OMG Remy, you have touched my heart and made my day. You know, when you put yourself out there, you never know whose life you will touch. And, even when you do inspire someone, most don’t think about telling you! So, I do truly appreciate your kind words. Finish your degree! One day at a time. Be kind to yourself and do it for the right reasons. Don’t worry if it takes a while. You have enough on your plate! Big big hugs <3

  6. Remy

    Judy this post is really inspiring for those who are lost in their path in what to do with their lives. I believe each of one should have trust in themselves like you did. I’m honored to read this article and for your information it’s really inspire my to finish my degree and who knows which path I will follow next.

  7. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

    Interesting points, Delia. I totally agree with you, TTT – Trust Takes Time. Sadly, many people are impatient. They want things to happen here and now, Trust included. Isn’t that how sales people work? Also, there are different levels of Trust. The trust we put in our greengrocer when he chooses for us a watermelon vs the trust we put in a friend when we share intimate details of our Life.

    You say that you usually have a hunch re: the trust you feel towards someone. What is it based on? And, what during the “confirmation process” endorses or refutes your initial hunch? Would love to hear your thoughts. They are challenging :)THANKS for stopping by. HUGS <3

    1. Delia Rusu

      I think it’s mostly what we call intuition – a feeling in the bones 🙂 And of course, in very rare cases that first hunch was wrong so that’s why I take my time to trust someone new.

  8. Delia Rusu

    Thanks for sharing from the heart, Judy! I think that building trust takes time, though it may seem you can “shortcut” some stages.
    I usually have a hunch when I feel someone can be trusted, but I still need some time to “confirm it”.

    1. Rachel McDermott

      “Trust but verify” as they say….

  9. Lisa

    Judy,
    I am so glad you trusted yourself and followed your choice. Great article

    1. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

      Thank you, Lisa for stopping by.
      It’s not always easy to trust oneself, especially when those around you not only don’t trust you but instill within you self-doubt.

      I do hope that by sharing my experiences other women will believe more in themselves.
      HUGS <3

  10. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

    Actually, Crystal, TRUST is extremely important especially with your PLUMBER! I would like to take this further … but don’t think my sense of humor would build trust …

    Thanks for stopping by. I do appreciate the support.

    Speaking of plumbers … this is a post I wrote recently.

    http://judyyaron2.wix.com/humblyhuman#!Pay-the-damn-plumber-so-we-can-flush-the-toilet/c218b/91E1B7B3-1CF2-4D95-B1CF-E5ADC9E574E8

    THANKS 🙂
    HUGS <3

  11. Crystal

    Trust is so important, even in your relationship with your plumber – and I’m referring to a business relationship of course (unless your partner happens to be a plumber). Thanks being so honest in your writing. It’s a great way to build trust!

  12. Lisa Mallis

    Love, love, love this post! I am beginning to feel that I “know” you – and this is the first time I’ve happened upon your blog! Thanks for reminding me to TRUST in myself!!!!!

    1. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

      Thanks, dear Lisa for the LOVE <3!
      I hope we get to know one another even better over time.
      If you want to know me even better … pop into my blog on my site http://www.cutthecrapsolutions.com. There is a LOT of stuff there … I am participating in the Ultimate Blog Challenge – 31 daily posts during the month of July so I have been doing a LOT of writing.
      Big HUGS <3

  13. Kristina

    In my personal life I build trust by always doing what I say I’m going to do. I also don’t promise things. Life is too unpredictable. As for my business I build trust in similar way. I am genuine and sincere in my business dealings. I don’t try to make myself out to be someone I’m not which is your #4.

    PS I was a classroom teacher for 15 years and the reason I chose teaching was because I wanted to be a leader in a creative way and I did. The psychologist is nuts!

    1. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

      Hey there, Kristina 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.

      I love what you say about not promising what you can’t deliver. Our motto has always been, “Under promise and over-deliver.”

      RE: #4 – I am happy that you related to this point. Time and again, under different circumstances, I have found myself “not being be” – not necessarily being someone I am not, but doing things I don’t wholeheartedly believe, because this is what everyone tells you you need to do in order to succeed … And you know what I have discovered? That when I go back to me … things begin to fall into place. Thanks for the reassurance!

      Finally, “creativity in the classroom” – your last point. That’ the best! The system may look at you cross-eyed, but the kids … what a glorious time you can have with them. I always made a deal with my kids: “What happens in our classroom, stays in our classroom …”

      THANKS and hope to share some more in the future. HUGS <3

  14. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

    HUMOR, indeed, Margit 🙂 the magic remedy!
    HUGS <3

  15. Margit Crane (@GiftedWithADD)

    I use humor and understanding of my field and hope to build trust, which is to say, I use ME. I work with people with ADHD and that’s really confusing. It’s often misunderstood and mislabeled as “laziness” “indifference” or “fear.” It’s usually not any of these. It’s confusing then to understand, so I gain trust with humor and some commiseration. I say things like, “Never argue with a kid with ADHD. You know that already, don’t you?” I also will say, “Yeah, we can change that. I see that all the time. No problem.” Thanks for your post, Judy!

  16. Margit Crane (@GiftedWithADD)

    My sister is famous!

  17. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

    Thanks, Carrie, for you warm response. Sorry for stirring up charged emotions …

    Time and again over the years I have wanted to go back to the vocational guide and share with her where teaching has led me and that I kind of made a career of it.

    What I find so amazing is what different people take away from the same post … oftentimes, not what we anticipate.

    My goal is to raise the quality of learning on the internet.

    HUGS <3

  18. Lynne Cobine

    Very nice article Judy and can see what you mean about building trust – just because we can bond, does it automatically involve trust? I’ve always felt trust takes time?

    1. Judy Yaron PhD[ Post Author ]

      Thank you, Lynne, for stopping by 🙂 People bond for different reasons. Sometimes the bond leads to trust. Other times … it’s just a bond of circumstances. And, when you think about it, you can trust someone, but not have a bond with him/her.

      I so love comments, they keep my thoughts alive.
      HUGS <3

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