by Tracy Goodwin
Lot’s of people don’t speak their truth. What I mean by that is not that they go around lying, I don’t mean that at all. I mean, they hesitate to say their thoughts, feelings, needs and wants, the likes of that. The reasons are many but what I find is that a whole lot of people don’t speak their truth. I’d like to encourage you to, in baby steps, start speaking your truth.
The reasons we tend to not say anything is because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, we worry about what people will think about us, we are afraid of getting in trouble, we don’t want to create conflict and we also fear getting what we want. So, we figure that it’s just better to not say anything and leave things as they are.
Well, that’s certainly a choice, but the results of that choice can be damaging. The things that can occur if you don’t speak your truth include things like, being miserable, anger and resentment, missing out on life, playing smaller than you know your capable of, not getting what you want, robbing yourself of joy ….just to name a few. Now, in my opinion, those are some pretty things to miss out on.
So, if we are missing out on such amazing things, why do we still not speak our truth? It’s just to scary. Fear is what keeps us, most of the time from speaking our truth. So, how can shift that?
One of the ways I try to encourage my clients to speak their truth/get past the fear is by addressing the worst case scenario. What is the worst thing that can happen if you speak your truth? Say what you want/feel? Most of the time clients say, “well, my boss will get mad” or “he won’t speak to me anymore” that kind of thing. Yes, those are things that could happen. But, the worst thing that could happen is that you could die. Is that going to happen? No, so get the “worst” case scenario out of your head. The thing is, we work off of experiences and if we have had a number of “bad” communication experiences, then we are working off of those and most likely have completely forgotten the good ones. So, we need to build up our bank of good communication experiences.
What you need to do is make a list of all the things you want to say, be it to a boss, a co-worker, a family member, a friend, a husband, doesn’t matter who. If you were given carte blanche, what would you say? Now, let’s work from there. Pick one, break it down to it’s smallest proportion, and get very specific. What I mean by that is don’t say well, I’d say, “I just don’t like to work with you”. Okay, well that is pretty broad. What is it specifically they you don’t like about working with this person? Break it down to all the issues, very specific and list them one by one. Now, pick one of them. All of a sudden it becomes, “I don’t like working with you because you always miss deadlines”. If we can communicate to others, our frustrations and things we can’t stand, one by one, very specifically, then we stand a chance of getting them addressed and no longer being miserable dealing with people in the broad sense. All of a sudden, this, I hate working with her, becomes something we can manage. So figure out what your truth is in scenarios where you’ve lost your voice, break it down, piece by piece, make a list…we’ll talk about how to deliver that message in the next blog!
Tracy is an international force for good. She is one of the most inspiring, motivating keynote speakers available anywhere on the planet. Her presentations in voice and speaking, non-verbal communication and presentation skills have touched the hearts and changed the lives of people in over 30 countries. Everyone in the world who hears her speak loves her!