Self-Confident and So Sexy! by @askjoshsmom

confident woman

by Rossana Snee

There’s a belief that one has to be drop-dead gorgeous, or just plain beautiful, to be sexy. But is that really the case? There are a lot of beautiful women with low self-esteem, and who actually hate the way they look. Nothing sexy about that.

Cameron Russell, a model that I heard give a lecture on a TED Talk , said she “won the genetic lottery because she is tall, pretty, and an underwear model.” But she also went on to say, “ . . . the thing that we never say on camera, that I have never said on camera, is, ‘I am insecure.’ And I’m insecure because I have to think about what I look like every day. And if you ever are wondering, “If I have thinner thighs and shinier hair, will I be happier?” you just need to meet a group of models, because they have the thinnest thighs and the shiniest hair and the coolest clothes, and they’re the most physically insecure women probably on the planet.

“Looks aren’t everything. Believe me, I’m a model.”

We compliment “beautiful” people all the time. And maybe we’re even envious, thinking they’ve got it made. I mean, what’s more important than being Beautiful, right? A lot more! Being self-confident is the real way to exude sexiness.
After all, beautiful people had nothing to do with their beauty. It was just a combination of genes ending up a certain way.

I’m not saying that being beautiful is an undesirable thing. Hey, if you got the gene combo that makes you beautiful, more power to you. Enjoy! What I am saying is that being beautiful physically doesn’t automatically make you beautiful. There’s a lot more that goes into it.

Have you ever known a beautiful person, and the more you got to know them, the less beautiful they became? What happened? Unless they were disfigured in an accident, their looks didn’t change, right? The opposite is also true. When I first met my algebra teacher while working on my B. A., I didn’t consider her to be very attractive, by most people’s standards. But, oh my, by the end of the quarter she was one of the most beautiful people I’d ever met. Her true beauty—her intelligence, sense of humor, kindness, and dedication—emanated out of her, and that’s all I could see.

Having self-confidence can make you truly beautiful, and not having it can make you look weak and unattractive. You were not in control of your genetic make up, but you are in control of how you move through life. Self-confidence shows in how you carry yourself, how you talk, walk, and present yourself. That’s more important and noticeable than a beautiful person who is awkward, and self-loathing.

Genetics are genetics. It’s a roll of the dice. But self-confidence is something else; it is the Recognition of who you truly are. And there’s nothing more beautiful, and sexy than that!


Rossana SneeRossana Snee is a Marriage & Family Therapist. She has worked with individuals, couples, and families. Her present focus, however, is working with young women in their 20s, specifically 21 – 26. She facilitates a monthly group called An Afternoon With Josh’s Mom, whereby she guides, empowers, and promotes self-love. Her goal is to provide these young women with the guidance to make decisions in their best interest.

Visit her at,, and Twitter (@askjoshsmom). She endeavors to inspire and motivate, and to be a springboard for her reader’s self-growth.

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