“Why Did She Stay?”
When our friend or family member reveals to us that she is in a bad a relationship, a familiar response is, “Why don’t you just leave?” Unfortunately, for many in troubled unions, this is easier said than done. The following are six reasons women choose to overstay the life of a relationship.
1.) Fear for her safety.
Some women feel it is physically and/or financially safer for them and their children to stay than to leave. This may seem counter-intuitive to those in healthy relationships, but for women in bad unions, it makes sense. This is especially the case if they tried to leave before and encountered more problems than when they were together.
2.) Desire to keep the family unit in tact.
When a woman with children leaves her partner, she may face disdain by the extended family and friends for breaking-up the unit. It makes no difference to these outsiders that the family partnership was already broken because of the toxic couple’s toxic relationship.
3.) She has nowhere else to go.
If she has no job or money to physically re-locate, the thought of being homeless is less appealing than the thought of staying where she is. She can convince herself that the problems are “not that bad,” if it means she will have a roof over her head.
4.) Lack of emotional support.
Many people say that it is none of their business and they do not want to get involved. When this happens, a woman in a bad situation may feel as if she is alone and does not know how to seek help to escape her current circumstances.
5.) She thinks she can change him.
She does not realize that change only comes when one wants it.
6.) She thinks it is normal based upon her family history.
When you grow-up in a dysfunctional family, you fail to see how it is wrong. It’s not that you think you deserve it, you just think this is how relationships work. You have no healthy frame of reference.
No matter what the reason, as friends and loved ones, the conversation must shift from calling her names and the victim blaming question, “Why did she stay?” to affirming statements that will give her the strength to see she is worthy of better than what she is receiving.
You may connect with Nicole on Twitter at NowWithNicole.
Attorney Nicole Huffman Hollins from Money Fit Kids Houston, Texas
Hi! I’m Nicole. My life’s purpose is to help children, women, and families bring align their faith, family, and finances so that they may live in freedom. Part of my mission is to help people recognize their worth, own who they are, and succeed in life by being true to self. I am the founder of Now With Nicole where I have had the opportunity to author self-help books such as The Girlfriend Code and Peaceful Pain and appear as a contributing writer for many on-line and print publications. I am also the creator and host of Now With Nicole Radio where I discuss topics regarding your Faith, Family, and Finances.” In addition to my own show, I enjoy appearing as a guest on Internet and network radio shows.
As a former family law attorney, I spent countless hours with fighting couples. Trying to find a more productive way to help these fractured families, I decided that mediation was a better route. While working with women and couples, I found that communication about money was a huge sore spot. After years of helping couples master mindfulness in their marriage and money, I saw a pressing need to educate and empower financial literacy from an early age. As a result, Money Fit Kids was created to encourage children from an early age to align the core values of faith, family, and financial fitness.
I am a lover of the written and spoken word who holds a journalism degree and Juris Doctor from the University of Texas at Austin. I make my home in Houston, Texas with my husband and son.