by Johanna Galyen | Featured Contributor
Friends are welcome in my home, but never these 4 guests.
Their presence is unsettling, but removing them can be difficult.
As a married woman, I’m rather protective of my husband. I’m not a person who has her claws out, sharpened for the fight. But for these ladies, I sure wish I did more often. Without realizing it, I invited several guests into our home and let them stay.
1. Ms. Anger
Oh sure, she knows how to show up at the worst possible times. Long days with disobedient children she’ll be there. Supper plans gone awry? She’s first in line. Mistress Anger likes to drop by every single month, like clockwork. She shows her ugly head when feelings are hurt and words said hastily. Her visits are painful, loud, and often quite hurtful emotionally. Sometimes they end in wretched silence.
However, she is shown the door when a heartfelt apology is given, a humbling of my attitude, and a true “I’m sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me”.
Anger is removed when a heart-felt apology is given ~ Johanna Galyen
2. Unmet Expectations surprised me with her presence.
Why didn’t my husband understand what I wanted him to do? Didn’t he remember that we talked about this 2 weeks ago…or was it 3? Oh well, I remember, so he should definitely too.
Wait. He didn’t.
And now I’m hurt.
Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it…it dies ~ Tony Gaskins
The only way to never invite the visitor of unmet expectation to my home is to communicate. This requires a lot of talking. Not just “talking at” each other, but true communication. Sharing and conversing about our schedules, our plans, and upcoming events. Doing this consistently has given me much joy because she never comes back!
3. Lack of Trust is a guest that infuriates me.
She nags and nips at my face like an arctic wind. When she comes in with her biting coldness, I begin to shut down. I don’t want to talk, I worry about everything. Constantly, I’m checking over my shoulder making sure that she is wrong, but is she? What if she is right?
Stepping into the light of faith and love has made me see that Lack of Trust is not permitted to be in my marriage. She is not allowed to enter my living room, my kitchen, and especially NEVER into my bedroom.
By practicing a simple small phrase, she cowers in fear and begins to run away. 3 simple little words. “I trust you”. At first, I say them in my heart because I’m too afraid to give them a voice. But slowly and gently, I begin to whisper them into the ear of my beloved. I look into his eyes and say those words. His eyes meet mine, and his ears and his heart hear me. Suddenly I’m engulfed by those strong arms of love into an embrace that permanently discharges the guest of Lack of Trust.
Our marriage is strengthened by trust, just like a rope is made stronger when an additional stronger rope is added to it. Read about that here!
You see, trust builds a relationship with titanium steel. Nothing can destroy it. And the more it is used, the more I say (louder and louder each time!) “I trust you”, the more titanium steel I place into the foundations of my home. And suddenly, I can be at peace because I do have full trust.
The final guest arrives like a mist. Her arrival is never signaled loudly, and she creeps in almost unawares. Her presence can almost be felt at times. She makes my heart tremble and my pulse begins to race.
My blood pressure rises, and my stomach sinks into misery.
4. She is the Mistress of Fear.
She is the most hated visitor of all because her presence unnerves me to my very core. She is best friends with Lack of Trust, but she is far more deadly because she hides her presence behind other guests. Sometimes she looks like anger. She dresses just like Unmet Expectations. But her stench is one that is never forgotten
Ms. Fear is hard to convince to leave. She is like a wet dog, she’s everywhere, on everything, and stinks to high heaven!
Just like the others, I must make her leave. Yet, I struggle with her, because she is like me the most. She knows my weaknesses and promotes them in the worst way.
But a turning towards heaven, and a calling out to God, and she begins to run away. Her feet really begin to pick up speed as my heart begins to sing and cry out that I have nothing to fear. As the old adage goes, FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. She knows that she is fake. I pick up my broom of faith and sweep her into the smelly garbage that she came from.
It takes work to make her leave, but just like a clean home and happy marriage takes work to make it better, it is so worth the effort.
Take heart, dear wife. You too may have these unsettling guests in your home. Remind them that they are not welcome. Be firm, yet loving, in your communication with your husband. Learn the signs of these guests so if they try to come back, they will be stopped immediately. If you do not keep a vigilant eye, they will return a little bit stronger the next time.
It will take hard work, lots of faith and love to remove these mistresses, but when you do your marriage will be so much better!
Ready for more help? Tired of trying how to make your marriage better on your own? Take my Marriage Reboot Course. 30 days of focused marriage help!
Johanna Galyen, Christian Life Coach at Glowing Still
Johanna is a Christian Life Coach focused on helping women have loving & intimate marriage. She is married to her Galyent knight of 14 years, a homeschooling mother of 4 children (including a teenager who is taller than her). She loves blogging about marriage and her faith. And offers one-on-one coaching through Skype and FaceTime.
She adores cruising on the warm Caribbean sea with a cup of hot chocolate in her hand and prefers jet skiing over shopping. Every Saturday in the fall, she’ll be wearing bright orange and cheering on her UT Volunteers to victory and one day she dreams of having her own Thomas Kinkade gallery of puzzles.