by Emma Heptonstall | Featured Contributor
Separation or divorce from your partner is never easy. Like every ending in life, that loss can lead to grief and emotional struggles particularly during the first year of anniversaries, Christmas, Birthdays.
Valentine’s too can be challenging.
Let’s face it ladies, we love and hate Valentine’s Day in equal measure. It can be the best of days and the worst of days. We like to face the world all blasé like we don’t really care if we have a Valentine’s or not, when in truth, of course we do.
It doesn’t matter how smart and successful we are, it hurts like hell if we get passed over on 14th February.
Does this feel familiar?
Its not quite Valentine’s yet and already, your internal chatter is beginning to ramp up the anti. Your girlfriends are busy making plans and gossiping about what they are doing and you’re dreading it already.
The thing is, you’re a smart successful business woman right? Rationally, you know it’s totally crazy to be thinking these things but you’re already:
- Placing more importance on Valentine’s Day than there really needs to be.
- Forgetting what a great, smart successful woman you are.
- Convincing yourself that because you are single this Valentine’s, that’s a reflection on you as a person and a business woman.
- Losing perspective .
Here’s the thing.
What I’m going to share with you now, you already know. There’s nothing new coming here but I’m sharing this with you because you’re not thinking like you right now!
It’s just a day.
A made up day.
It’s not real. It doesn’t say whether you are a worthy person or not. Only you get to decide that. So, why not just decide?
That’s right, make the decision. You get to decide how you feel about you. It’s not dictated by the date on the calendar or a delivery from the Postman or Florist.
I’ll say it again.
How you feel about you is decided by you. Now I’m not saying that’s always easy. Sometimes it can be damned hard!
It’s important to keep perspective.
You’re a smart successful woman. You may be the CEO of a big organisation. You maybe a Solopreneur. You maybe taking time out to raise your kids. Whatever. The fact you don’t have a Valentine’s this year doesn’t take any of that away from you. It’s all still there and you’ll know this on 15th February when you wake up.
So, what can you do differently this year to look after you, and your business?
If you’re not feeling great about yourself that day, accept it. You’re not Wonder Woman. It’s ok to have days when you just don’t feel good.
- Take time out.
- Decide not to make important decisions until the moment passes. Decisions based on negative emotions often have negative consequences. Your business can wait a few days.
- Ask for support from your friends if you need it. It’s ok to Ask, Allow and Accept support.
- If you are feeling sadness and or anger, resist the temptation to call your former partner. Doing so is unlikely to move you forward and may lead to regret.
- Do something that’s just for you.
Send yourself a card if you want. Buy yourself some of your favourite flowers. Really appreciate you. Remind yourself of all the great things about you. Perhaps make a list of 5 successes you’ve had in your business and personal life. They can be anything you want from health and fitness goals to financial goals- its your choice!
Remember, Valentine’s Day is just that. It’s a day. Delight in the romance of your friends and delight too in the brilliance of you.
There’s always next year, right?
Hi! I’m Emma Heptonstall, The Divorce Alchemist.
I’m a recovering lawyer having served as a legal adviser for thirteen years. I’m also a family mediator, a job which love and I’m very proud of. I’m a certified MBit Coach, have a diploma in counselling skills and I’m an NLP Master Practitioner.
I developed Divorce Alchemy to provide divorce coaching for women who know that they need support to deal with the practical and emotional aspects of their divorce in order that they make good decisions, which will support their lives as a confident divorced woman.
My story is different.
I don’t tell my clients that I know what they are going through. I don’t. I’m not divorced. In fact, for what its worth, I’m not even married… yet!
You are unique. You divorce is unique. I get that. I help women because I’m not divorced. I’m not their sister, best friend or mother. I’m not emotionally involved in their divorce and I’m not on my own healing journey.
I’m delighted to be able to write for sheownsit.com . I love blogging and sharing my stuff. You can read more go my blogs at www.yourfamilyfirst.co.uk/our-blog/ and you can download your free copy of The Smart Woman’s Divorce Guide at www.emmaheptonstall.com
I live in York. That’s old York, York UK and I coach women 1:1, either face to face or via Skype.