by Tamara Plant | Featured Contributor
I’m a firm believer in purging relationships that make me tense up just by thinking about the person. If I cringe at the mere thought of someone, why would I want them in my life? Bam, just like that, delete, delete, delete. It’s not a difficult thing for me to do but I know many people who struggle with letting go and detaching from people because they feel some sort of obligation or loyalty. It happens, I get it, but my philosophy is this: if you had a tumour, wouldn’t you get it removed?
The truth is that letting go isn’t as easy as it sounds but if you prefer to cling to the feelings of inadequacy or enjoy the drama that toxic relationships and situations bring, then sure, live that way. It’s much easier than making a change and releasing people from your life.
You Need To Let Go If…
1) You are thriving in the the drama
If you find yourself getting wound up, becoming agitated or diving into arguments or debates, take a deeeeeeeeeep breath and step back. Seriously, step back and look at yourself. Does taking part in these conversations make your heart feel good or does it seriously mess with your blood pressure?
2) You can’t stop bringing up a past hurt or grudge
When you can’t stop referencing the past, that’s a problem especially if when you talk about it, you still feel the same anxiety, sadness or pain that it brings.
3) You don’t like who you’re becoming
Can you look in the mirror and honestly be OK with who you are? If not, you need to start doing some serious soul searching to figure out who you want to be and if the people around you or circumstances have negatively affected who you’ve become.
How To Let Go
1) Make up your mind to do it and do it.
This is a great tip for anything in your life that you want to change whether it’s lose weight, start a new life path, write a book, whatever, it all starts with being mentally tough. Again, easier said than done but ask yourself how that situation is working out for you. It isn’t? Huh. Surprising. Einstein’s definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. If you reeeeeeeally want to let go, then you need to
Make the decision to let go and start from there. Don’t waiver. Commit!
2) Physically disconnect and detach
If it’s possible, remove yourself from encounters and interactions with the person you’re trying to detach from. Give yourself time, whether it’s a day, a week or a month, and realize that their life will go on without you in it. If they reach out, you can choose to not respond or react.
If it’s not possible to physically detach from someone (for example, it’s a colleague or boss) try to minimize the time you spend with that person and keep it strictly business.
3) Don’t take the bait.
One of the biggest fishing reels used by toxic people is their ability to drag you into a negative conversation.
Q: “Did you hear what Shannon said about you!!??”
A: No and I don’t care what anyone says about me.
Q: But you should care! Don’t you want to defend yourself?
A: Nope, I don’t need to justify myself to anyone.
Q: I’m telling you *pause* it’s pretty bad. Everyone is talking about it.
A: *shrugs* Let them talk
This could go on and on but only as long as YOU allow it to. If you need to, walk away.
4) Make peace with yourself.
A lot of times we hold onto people or incidents in our lives that cause us pain because we feel like that’s all we deserve or because the situation was so traumatic that we haven’t resolved our feelings with it. Letting go is a process; it’s not a magical mantra that you repeat and expect attachments to disappear. It takes time. You have to make peace with yourself before you can completely let go.
5) Learn the lesson
One of the best ways to actually severe ties with a situation or person is to realize that it happened/they were in your life for a reason. What’s the reason? What did you need to learn? Why were you in their life? How could this make you a stronger person?
BONUS TIP: Write it down.
Get a pen, some paper and write this:
I don’t want this in my life anymore. I am releasing it to the universe:
*write down everything you want to let go of and burn the paper*
If you really want to get spiritual about this, you can harness the powers of a full moon which is all about releasing and letting go of the things that no longer serve you. Take a deep breath and watch the ashes float off into the sky along with whatever has been dragging you down.
So are you ready to let go?
Tamara Plant – Inspirational Motivator, You Are FIERCE, Edmonton, AB.
Tamara is the founder/producer of the FIERCE Awards, an initiative that has been celebrating people who make a difference since 2010. Through her own story of resilience, she has inspired others to move past the negativity and shift their perspectives to focus on the good in others and themselves. She is a former journalist, current social media/coffee addict, and in the process of releasing her first book: Yes I am! An Abso-f*^kin-lutely FIERCE Guide to Living an Inspired Life. She has been a magazine publisher, speaker, blogger, consultant, and was named the 1st-ever Hot Momma’s Canadian Case Study recipient in 2010. Tamara believes empowerment doesn’t have to come in a frilly package; sometimes it comes with a kick in the ass & an f-bomb or six. Connect with her on Twitter or keep up to date with her at YouAreFIERCE.com