by Edie Berg
Bragging is your new dirty word …. shhhh… it’s your sexy secret of attraction.
Get it, be it, do it, say it.
We as women are taught to be demure and modest. Be humble and life’s joys will fall into your lap.
Want to get ahead?
Want to win that next negotiation?
Want to be promoted?
Go get it!
But first, leave those old-fashioned mantras at your parent’s house.
You need to be able to toot your own horn.
Be bold and confident!
Just like the guys are.
You know what I do whenever I’m not feeling very sure of myself? I think: what would a dude do in this situation? Most times that helps me to just lay things on the table, matter-of-fact.
No giving unnecessary credit to others. Stop that.
You’ve managed to do something that you know you’re proud of. Good for you!
You deserve to be able to talk about it openly and assuredly without shying away from your accomplishments.
If your daughter came home with a great report card, would you tell her to be quiet about it? Of course not!
So be brave, be confident and you’ll get so much further and feel a heck of a lot better about yourself in the process.
Beginner’s Bragging 101
Lessons for the new to brag
I’m not kidding about this. I belong to an amazing Facebook group for working moms. Most of the women in it have young children and babies, work many hours, have homes and partners and parents and guests. It’s hard. On top of that a lot of the members are religious Jews (not me, not that it matters), so Saturdays are off the table for catching up on stuff like the rest of us do. These women are rockstars!! But one of the hardest things for them, for us, is to talk about our accomplishments. So every week we have Wednesday Brags. It’s where we are encouraged to tell about the great things we’ve done over the past week. It’s hard to do. Much harder than you imagine. Women are conditioned from birth to do the opposite. So on Wednesdays we post about the great stuff we’ve done, even little things. It can be that we managed to get the kids to kindergarten in actual clothes and not pajamas. More often than that it’s crushing the interview, producing a new product, finishing a Ph.D. The more often you post in the group, the easier it is to talk about your accomplishments outside of the group and to know it’s ok.
Walk the Talk:
Bragging is not just what you say. It’s how you hold yourself. You know I’m talking about confidence here. Shoulders back, head up. I mean it. If you are all hunched up and mousey, that’s how others will relate to you. It isn’t enough just to talk about your accomplishments; you need to believe in them. You!! You are a rockstar! Do rock stars hide behind their hair? Well, maybe they do, but you know what I mean. Walk proudly.
Take yourself seriously so others can too. When you were 12 or 13 it was ok, but as an adult woman, it isn’t all that cute. When my oldest son was 14 years old we went to learn karate together. I had a few goals: to have fun with Yoni, to get into great shape and to release my inner badass. Just getting to have my son in the car with me one on one every week was already fun, so first goal achieved. But I was surprised at what I discovered to be the hardest part of the class. It wasn’t the training. The katas could be learned with practice. But you know how in karate with some of the moves there is a shout? Kind of a loud HA. Have you ever made that kind of sound? Try it now. HA. Stronger. HA. The first few lessons I did what I thought was an ok ha, then laughed after. Just to myself. I was uncomfortable with it. The instructor was not impressed by my laughter. It was a sign of weakness. He made me practice the HAs a lot, no giggling allowed. HA! Push out the breath actively, scare your attacker with it. HA! No smiling. Get strength from inside yourself. HA! Know that you are strong.
No more giggling, please.
I promised you sexy:
Once you’ve practiced your bragging, you’ve stopped your nervous laughter, you’ve started believing in yourself, your natural charisma will have a chance to flourish. Is there anything sexier than a confident woman between the sheets? I think not!