The Thought Police: Why Your Thoughts Are Holding You Back

The Thought Police: Why Your Thoughts Are Holding You Back
A photo by Léa Dubedout.


by Valerie Jones


It takes a lot of courage to be an entrepreneur.

It is not for the faint of heart.

I had no idea, when I started my business, what it really required.

Courage. Stamina. Discipline. Tenacity. Sacrifice.


We get up each and every morning, and there’s no boss to tell us what to do. No manager looking over our shoulder. Nobody checking up on us.

It’s just you.

You’re the boss. And that’s why you’re an entrepreneur, right? So that you get to be the boss of YOU.

Which is awesome, and exciting, and freeing.

And, at the same time, terrifying.

Because if you’re the boss, then it’s all up to you. You’re it.

This requires you to show up for yourself, each and every day. This means you carry the responsibility of your business and the bottom line. This means you are the heart and soul of your business.

Like I said before, it’s not for the faint of heart.

Being an entrepreneur means you need to believe in yourself like crazy. You can’t stay small and you can’t play safe. It requires big moves and big risks. You have to show up, hustle like crazy, and put yourself out there. Way out there.

And we do, right? Day after day, week after week, year after year we do. We show up and do the work.

And yet.

So often, behind all the effort, beneath all the drive and polish and performance, there’s something missing.

I see it all the time with my clients. Women who are doing the work, busting their butts, and making it happen, but deep down inside, have a belief that is sabotaging everything.

You don’t believe you have what it takes.

It doesn’t make sense, right? There you are, being a rock star. Putting yourself out there, conquering your industry.

Of course, you believe you have what it takes.


At the end of the day, or in the middle of the night, the voices start.

I’m never going to make it. I’m a fraud. What if people found out who I really am? I’m not smart enough. I’m not working hard enough. I’m not going to get clients. I’m not going to make any money. I’m not…I’m not…I’m not.

These voices are real and scary, and always there, just waiting for you to slow down and be still. Then they pounce. And you listen. And you believe it.

And it’s keeping you from getting what you want.

Because when you believe these voices – when you entertain them and allow them to become your reality, your truth – it changes how you show up in your life. It keeps you from being your best self. It keeps you small. It keeps you hiding. So as much as you might experience a certain amount of success, as long as you believe the voices, you will never break past a certain level.

We all have a shadow self. Everyone has that voice in their heads that speaks the lies. Some of us listen more than others, and the more we listen, the louder that voice gets. If you struggle with shame or guilt, the voice is probably pretty loud. You might not even be aware of the voice, because it’s always been there. It’s your normal, and it’s always talking. Kind of like an annoying roommate who won’t shut up. Yammering on and on, telling you that you’re never going to make it, you’re a loser, you’re too fat, you’re too skinny….on and on.

Here’s the thing. In order to go for your dreams, in order for you to realize the level of success that you really want, you’re going to have to deal with that roommate. She needs to go. Because she’s keeping you small and holding you back. She’s drowning out your truth and making you believe her lies.

It’s time to turn down the volume on the roommate and turn up the volume of your heart. So that you can start to hear, and begin to believe, the truth about you.

The truth is, you are awesome. You do have what it takes. You have everything you need, to get everything you want.

You have to start tuning in to that station and listening to that voice.

That’s the key to building the business of your dreams. That’s the magic that will have you so jazzed about yourself, so in love with yourself, that you begin showing up big, and seeing big stuff start to happen. Clients will be drawn to you like never before. Money will begin to flow. You will attract success like you never imagined. Because you believe that you deserve it.

So how do you do it? How do you turn down the volume on that annoying roommate that lives in your head?

Honestly, it requires work, determination, and commitment. If you have been listening to that voice for a long time, then it will take time to shift your attention. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a practice. It’s one of the biggies that my clients work on and even with the help of a coach, it can be daunting.

There’s good news, though, and that is that you can start today. There are a few simple techniques that you can apply right now, that will help you begin the process of shifting your attention from that annoying roommate in your mind to your voice of truth that lives in you.

  1. Awareness. Being aware that you even have this voice is the first step to being able to choose something different. So many women are unaware that they have a sabotaging voice in their minds. It’s so familiar, it just feels normal. But it’s not! It’s not normal to believe that you aren’t worthy and that you aren’t ‘enough’! So just pay attention. Bring your attention to your thoughts throughout your day. Are there times when your thoughts are negative? Sabotaging? Do you have thoughts that are limiting? Does your mind tell you all the reasons why you will never be successful? What time of day is this voice the loudest? Do some journaling and dig into what this voice is saying.
  2. Embodiment. Now that you’re aware of this voice, it’s very helpful to realize that it is Not Your Voice. It isn’t. It feels like it, because it’s in your mind, right? But it’s not. Try the roommate analogy and create a character for this voice. Give her a name. What does she look like? The more you can separate this voice from you, the easier it will be to turn down the volume.
  3. Choice. You are now aware of the voice, and you are now aware that this voice is not you. Now you can choose not to listen to it. You can choose to turn down the volume and say, ‘Yeah, I hear you. But I’m choosing not to listen right now.’ And shift your attention to other thoughts. Ones that are true. Thoughts that line up with what you know to be true about yourself. You can turn up the volume on your true voice and choose to listen to that instead.

Practice these three steps and notice the difference. The more you listen to your true voice, the more you will begin to believe it. It’s time to take control of your mind and silence the lies.

It’s time to get what you want. It’s time to realize all of your dreams. It’s time to be who you need to be to get what you’ve always wanted.



Read more from Valerie on She Owns It here!





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2 Replies to “The Thought Police: Why Your Thoughts Are Holding You Back”

  1. Carolyn Arnold

    I love your article, and I needed to read this!!! Thank you. I especially like the idea of assigning this voice a name and imagery.

    1. Valerie Jones[ Post Author ]

      glad you found it helpful Carolyn! 🙂

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